Patrick Jane Quotes

Well I'm just saying be careful. That you sell your talent and not your soul. Don't let other people run your lives not even your dad. And trust me I know what I'm talking about.

Patrick Jane: It's nice to be nice. But if you want to get ahead in life, sometimes you have to be a bitch. I know you know how.
Grace Van Pelt: Gee, thanks.
Patrick Jane: It's all about the balance, Grace. Yin, Yang. Nice, bitch. Little bit of bitch inside the nice, a little bit of nice inside the bitch.
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah, I'll work on that.
Patrick Jane: Keep 'em guessin'.

Revenge is a poison. Revenge is for fools and for mad men.

You made her feel like a captured princess instead of a small-town choir nerd. And she made you feel like a dashing pirate instead of what you are... sort of a bad-tempered pharmacist.

Kimball Cho: Why a sexual motive? Could be gangs or drugs.
Patrick Jane: A drug-trade smothering? By who, the Sesame Street Crips?

People trapped in miserable lives always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and to pretend the misery doesn't exist.

Gale Bertram: Now I have a problem because uh, our urgent need for your skills are precisely balanced by my desire to fire you - before you destroy the bureau or my career - or both.
Patrick Jane: I understand... You're in a tight spot. You know who's always been a healthy moderating influence on me?
Gale Bertram: Yeah, of course, Lisbon. I'm sorry, not possible.
Patrick Jane: Well, then. You will continue to have a problem.

Lao-tzu said that if you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession.

I'm trying to work here and you're staring at me like I have two heads.

Every good plan needs a little bit of luck.

Remember, he's not gonna hide the money in or under his mattress.

Patrick Jane: You see, the thing is, Flip. Lisbon here, is looking at you like you're a porkchop. Because you fit the profile. Your life is in chaos. You're lonely. You're depressed. You're addicted to drugs and pornography, and uh, a little nuts to be honest. You're exactly the kind of man who does terrible things to women.
Patrick Jane: But I don't think he did it. Because I think deep down, you're a good man. You should learn to use your bishops a little more effectively, but otherwise a good man.

Kimball Cho: You had the keys in your hand the whole time?
Patrick Jane: You gotta let it go man.
Kimball Cho: Did you have the keys in your hand?
Patrick Jane: If I tell you how it's done, the Magic Circle will send a team of assasins to kill us all. It's the law.

Hope: Are you guys cops?
Wayne Rigsby: CBI.
Hope: What's CBI?
Wayne Rigsby: California Bureau of Investigation.
Patrick Jane: Cops.

Wayne Rigsby: I sent out the vibes. I got none back. Okay? So leave me alone
Patrick Jane: Vibes. Really? Vibes?
Kimball Cho: That's where he stares at the back of her neck for several hours. Women love that.
Wayne Rigsby: Shut up Cho!

Patrick Jane: I got us a table booked at the best restaurant in town. Apparently they tell you the name of the cow your steak came from.
Grace Van Pelt: That's horrible!

Patrick Jane: Life is a million to one. The universe is one big coincidence. Cosmically improbable coincidences happen all the time. We just don't notice them all.
Kimball Cho: Or she's a witch.

Can I hold your hand?

Kimball Cho: He's from the A.G.'s office. We're catching a hot one.
Patrick Jane: Hooray. I was about to go mad with boredom.
Grace Van Pelt: Don't say "hooray." Someone's died.
Patrick Jane: Well, if they have, my happiness makes no difference to them.

Well, love is not blind, it's often pretty stupid.

Patrick Jane: Arden, do you always follow your husband's lead? Do you never struggle against his desire to control?
Noah Plaskett: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: You drink too much. Doesn't mean you don't have a say. I should think he's at least half the reason you drink in the first place.

Rhonda Jaffe: I've got nothing else to say without my lawyer.
Patrick Jane: You don't need to say anything. I knew it was you from the start.
Kimball Cho: Thanks for sharing.

If you stopped seeing the world in terms of what you like and what you dislike, and saw things for what they truly are in themselves, you would find a great deal more peace in your life.

It's horribly obvious when people are in a relationship. Impossible to hide, try though they might.

Kimball Cho: Hypnosis? Great plan.
Patrick Jane: No, that would be silly. Hypnosis is illegal. That was a misdirect so that I could search his jacket pockets, and find this.
Kimball Cho: A button, fluff, and some sand?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It's a little anticlimactic Um... do you have an evidence baggie?
Kimball Cho: You're walking home

Kimball Cho: The bombing attempt. We've got your phone records. Slam dunk. 20 years.
Patrick Jane: Two decades. 7,000 days living in a box. I don't know how people do it.

No, I don't want to hear your plan, sheep-dip your plan.

Patrick Jane: Fool to herself - that girl. It was never going to work.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be so cynical.

Kimball Cho: I'll call LaRoche.
Teresa Lisbon: No. No. No. Don't!
Kimball Cho: Why not? It's his case.
Patrick Jane: We gotta get out of here now! Fix it with SAC PD we were never here.

Patrick Jane: The truth hurts, I know. It's biologically based actually. Our brains process sound faster than they do light, but light moves faster than sound. So the brain is constantly shifting reality so the world syncs up.
Doc Dugan: What does that have to do with anything?
Patrick Jane: This: only when someone is standing 30 yards away do we see and hear the world exactly as it is. That's when your brain, sound and light are all in perfect harmony.
Doc Dugan: So?
Patrick Jane: The rest of the time we are living in a world of lies. Lies are what make the world make sense. Ergo, the truth hurts.

Kimball Cho: You don't help us because you like us.
Patrick Jane: I don't like you?
Kimball Cho: Well, you don't NOT like us. But you have deeper reasons for helping people. Without those reasons you're a hustler.

Lao-tzu said that if you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession.

Now like I say, there's no such thing as psychics. Let's be clear about that. But the human mind is amazingly powerful. It can do things for real that sometimes feel like magic.

Isaac Goodwin: Marcus. What - we thought you were kidnapped!
Patrick Jane: Well, not all of us.

Patrick Jane: See that face? That's exactly why I didn't tell you the plan.
Teresa Lisbon: It's not a good plan.
Patrick Jane: It's a good enough plan and Rigsby is wearing one of those ear thingies, I will talk him through the con. He'll be fine.
Teresa Lisbon: What if the killer doesn't show up?
Patrick Jane: Then we go back to old fashion police work. But this way we get to enjoy some room service. Please, have a seat.

Lisbon, it's over. It's done. I just want you to know I'm okay. I'm gonna miss you.

Patrick Jane: Did they put a chip in your neck?
Kimball Cho: Not that I know of. Why do you ask?
Patrick Jane: Well, you just don't seem too happy to see me.
Kimball Cho: I am happy to see you. I just wish it was under different circumstances.
Patrick Jane: Why's that?
Kimball Cho: I don't think you and the FBI are gonna get along very well. I don't think they really understand how you operate.
Patrick Jane: Eh. They'll loosen up once they get to know me.

Dennis Abbott: We can't arrest people under false pretenses.
Patrick Jane: We can't?
Dennis Abbott , Kim Fischer: No.
Patrick Jane: Why not?
Kim Fischer: It's illegal.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Well, that's a problem.

Teresa Lisbon: Do you want to dance?
Patrick Jane: Here? In front of everyone?
Teresa Lisbon: Sure.
Patrick Jane: Okay. One dance.
Teresa Lisbon: Two.
Patrick Jane: Everything is a negotiation with you.

You really think I would set you up so nicely and let you pull a loaded gun on me?... I took the bullets out earlier.

Patrick Jane: Closed case donuts are here.
Patrick Jane: I just went to get sleeping pills, I swear to god. I... I didn't even want to go. You know I didn't want to go.
Grace Van Pelt: Right.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, you didn't set Wagner up. Didn't figure it was him days ago.
Kimball Cho: You didn't let us tear apart the victim's family simply to satisfy your childish need for drama.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, that family was screwed, anyway. Don't blame yourselves, guys.

Patrick Jane: I was sure the chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.
Teresa Lisbon: The chef? Malcolm. Why do you think it's him?
Patrick Jane: He uses way too much butter.
Teresa Lisbon: Say...
Patrick Jane: He's a gluttonous baby. He's self-indulgent. He wants what he wants and he takes it.
Teresa Lisbon: Too much butter.
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: It's fascinating the way your mind works. One thing, though. Malcolm was in the kitchen with twenty people when Melanie was taken. He couldn't have done it.
Patrick Jane: Hang on. There... there... there is a way he could.
Teresa Lisbon: Forgive me if I can't stay for more of your theorizing, but I've got to go and see if I can save your colleagues from getting formal complaints in their files.

Wayne Rigsby: So, what were you planning to do if Lisbon hadn't stopped him?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I didn't bother to formulate. I - I knew she'd stop him.

Grace Van Pelt: I don't get it. She actually enjoyed helping him kill. One crazy, evil person I understand, but two? Husband and wife? Marriage is supposed to be a sacred, loving thing.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, they were soul-mates in their own strange way.

No wife should glow at her husband's funeral.

Wayne Rigsby: I look around, I don't see anyone here who could torture a man to death with pliers and a lit cigar.
Patrick Jane: Picture them naked and ravenously hungry.

Wherever you go until you know the truth of what happened, you will be haunted. Until you see Kara's death redeemed, you will be haunted. You have to know the truth.

Teresa Lisbon: Hey.
Patrick Jane: Pineapple. He smelled like pineapple.
Teresa Lisbon: Pineapple? What the hell? Go -
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. Good. Listen, tell Rigsby, Teresa needs help.

Teresa Lisbon: Your people are carny folk? You're finally making sense to me.
Patrick Jane: Not exactly, it's a long story.

Patrick Jane: Why so glum? Case is a case.
Wayne Rigsby: We're in the middle of nowhere. Windy as hell. I haven't eaten anything. Dismemberments are a bitch! You spend months assembling the victim. There's always a piece missing!

Patrick Jane: I got us a table booked at the best restaurant in town. Apparently they tell you the name of the cow your steak came from.
Grace Van Pelt: That's horrible!

Mm. I smell dead people.

Teresa Lisbon: Play nice, Van Pelt's entitled to her opinion.
Patrick Jane: Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny.
Wayne Rigsby: Who said there's no Easter Bunny?

Patrick Jane: It's nice to be nice. But if you want to get ahead in life, sometimes you have to be a bitch. I know you know how.
Grace Van Pelt: Gee, thanks.
Patrick Jane: It's all about the balance, Grace. Yin, Yang. Nice, bitch. Little bit of bitch inside the nice, a little bit of nice inside the bitch.
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah, I'll work on that.
Patrick Jane: Keep 'em guessin'.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane, we're officers of the law.
Patrick Jane: You are. I don't care about the law. I care about justice. And justice says Machado deserves to suffer.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not justice, it's vengeance.
Patrick Jane: What's the difference?

In the future, I hope your love life is a little more peaceful. And if it's not, and the next lover turns out dead again, do me a favor? Don't call me.

Virgil Minelli: Jared Renfrew was tried and convicted. It's a closed case. I have no authority to reopen it without cause.
Patrick Jane: There is cause.
Virgil Minelli: For you there's cause. Not for the State of California.

Teresa Lisbon: Just do me the favor of listening to me for a minute so I can say "I told you so" later.
Patrick Jane: Sure.

Janice Elkins: How could you be so cold?
Patrick Jane: Practice.

Teresa Lisbon: There's no such thing as black magic.
Patrick Jane: Somebody disagrees.

Patrick Jane: I showed you my identification to discourage you from killing me or torturing me or something. You might not get arrested for it, but you sure will make some kind of fuss.
Shirali Arlov: I don't mind fuss. Anything to avoid boredom.

Teresa Lisbon: I wanna get Harry Lashley's killer as much as you do. But we cannot go after Arlov. The State Department...
Patrick Jane: A fig to the State Department.
Wayne Rigsby: I agree. Screw 'em.
Teresa Lisbon: That attitude is why *I'm* in charge and you guys aren't.

There's no business like Cho business!

Patrick Jane: You hate to lose, don't you?
Patience Broadbent: Yes, unlike all those many people that love it.

Grace Van Pelt: And no offense, but why does my personal life have any concern to you... Or Rigsby, for that matter?
Patrick Jane: Who me? I'm just nosy. But Rigsby, he loves you... He's just scared of emotional committment. And you're attracted to him, but you're deeply repressed and emotionally shutdown.

Teresa Lisbon: Know what's weird about those guys? None of them seem to give a damn. A colleague of theirs falls out of the sky and they seem okay with it. Is that guilt or indifference?
Patrick Jane: Corporate brainwashing.

Oh, I'm impressed, Lindsay. There's not three people in the world that could have done an induction on a cop, but Rigsby's guard was up when he was with Dr. Daniel and Carl. And you? You just crept through the cracks, you sneaky little mouse.

Patrick Jane: Didn't Rick Tiegler's black-out strike you as weird?
Wayne Rigsby: Why? He got drunk, he blacked out, he killed someone. Who hasn't been there?
Wayne Rigsby: ... Kidding.

Teresa Lisbon: Mrs. Didrikson, we're with the California Bureau of Investigation. Put the gun down.
Gina Russo: California Bureau of my ass! You get the hell out of here; I will shoot you.
Teresa Lisbon: This is my cell phone. I am gonna dial 911, and we will get uniform policemen here and they will sort everything out. In the meantime, we'll all relax.
Gina Russo: Screw you! I'm gonna count to ten, and then I'm gonna start shooting. One! Two!
Patrick Jane: Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, get off the phone.
Gina Russo: Three!
Patrick Jane: I think I know what we have here.
Gina Russo: Four!
Teresa Lisbon: I've got a situation.
Gina Russo: Five! Six!
Patrick Jane: I think Didrikson used to work for the mob and went into witness protection. I think that's why he's out here.

Teresa Lisbon: What'd you learn?
Patrick Jane: Well, she's scared, she's of Italian descent, she bites her nails, she doesn't like pets or pineapple.
Teresa Lisbon: Useful stuff.

Your son died bravely. He saved a young girl in trouble. You should be very proud.

Patrick Jane: Oh, hi. Sam Bosco here, CBI Major Crimes Program. Question: how do I go about changing my use access passcode? I got strong reason to believe it's been compromised.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, great. Sure. Sure, I can hold.

Wayne Rigsby: This is exactly the kind of stuff that Boss was talking about. She didn't okay this at all, did she?
Patrick Jane: So shoot me.

Grace Van Pelt: No drug paraphernalia, no condoms or other items suggesting prostitution. So maybe a personal crime. A husband or lover.
Patrick Jane: Bravo, Grace. Wrong, I expect, but very well reasoned nonetheless.

It's lovely to meet you doc, you're a horse's ass, but you mean well. I'll be in van.

Sam Bosco: Well that's pretty good. You should get an act together. Can you do Barbara Streissand.
Patrick Jane: Don't tempt me.

Teresa Lisbon: It's good to see you care.
Patrick Jane: You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

What you can accomplish is irrelevant. But if you are absent in this moment, you will regret it for the rest of what will be miserable life. That's all. See you.

I want you to think of this before you go to sleep. You are nothing to him, but a useful object. He is not a good man.

This is the justice department. Who's gonna steal it here?

School would be so much more fun if they started the day with this every morning instead of the Pledge of Allegiance. Or maybe they could just integrate the two into the Dance of Allegiance.

Wayne Rigsby: You want me to memorize everything we have on all sixty-seven alumni that showed up to the reunion?
Patrick Jane: Yes, I do.
Wayne Rigsby: And how would I do that?
Patrick Jane: It's easy. You build a memory palace.

Grace Van Pelt: A little old to be necking, aren't they?
Patrick Jane: There's an age limit on that?

Well, uh, at least no one got hurt... It's a terrible color any way... Uh, I'll get you a new one... Sorry.

Elise Chaye: I like putting faces to names. Um, I have to ask you. Patrick Jane...
Patrick Jane: Over here.
Elise Chaye: Oh. Hi.
Patrick Jane: Hi.
Elise Chaye: I thought he'd look scarier.

Eliza Green: Just bring me to a hospital!
Patrick Jane: No. Hospital's terrible. Germ factories. You don't want to go there.
Eliza Green: Are you insane?

Chocolate and grief is a good combination. You should try it. It'll taste so much... deeper more intense. Everything will feel that way for a while. You'll feel more alive. You should probably try to hold on to that feeling as long as you can. It's a gift.

Teresa Lisbon: Don't you have anybody you want to call besides Cho and Rigsby?
Patrick Jane: If I were dying, I'd want to call you, but you're already here, so there's no need.

Victor Bandino: Real fancy résumé, this guy. Graduated from Eton and Oxford. Last employer was some hot-shot prep school back east.
Patrick Jane: Eh, I wouldn't be so sure.
Victor Bandino: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: The facial scar. Eton boy gets a cut on his head, he needs a plastic surgeon he gets a plastic surgeon. My guess, the whole résumé's a fairy tale.
Victor Bandino: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: You're excused.

Patrick Jane: Sorry. She's a little cranky. New boss coming.
Teresa Lisbon: Enough with that!

Well, that's okay, then. As long as you're sorry. Maybe we'll just let you go... Kidding.

Dolores Brinton: Will the Tribal Police be with you?
Teresa Lisbon: They're aware of the investigation. We'll keep them in the loop.
Dolores Brinton: I should go with you.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not necessary.
Dolores Brinton: As far as some of them are concerned, you're foreigners. Foreigners with badges. You won't get anything. I'll get my coat.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. Well, we've got ourselves a native guide.

It's not a deterrent really. It's - it's revenge really. I mean, that's not a criticism, cause I'm all about revenge. I mean revenge can be very productive.

Teresa Lisbon: No food, no water. This is not good.
Patrick Jane: Well, I suppose we should draw straws to see who eats who first.

Teresa Lisbon: Anybody see anything?
Wayne Rigsby: Well, we've got an SFPD cam, but so far nothing. Just an average night.
Patrick Jane: Average night, average neighborhood, average murder. Why are we here?

Hello Heather Evans. You're very attractive. It's probably why your name's not on that list. Good looking women, they live in a different world.

Bret Stiles: You know, now I see why... Red John really enjoys sparring with you. A worth adversary.
Patrick Jane: Straight for the jugular.
Teresa Lisbon: Obviously struck a nerve.

Oliver: How did he die?
Patrick Jane: Gunshot wound, which, uh, suggests it wasn't the quantum lords that killed him.
Oliver: Duh. They'd use a lorax beam.

Teresa Lisbon: Your file says that you finished college at 16, graduate school at 19. You were sent here after nearly choking your father to death.
Oliver: He's not my father. He's a cyber clone sent by the galactic quantum lords.
Patrick Jane: Oh, them. You know, they're always up to something shady.

Patrick Jane: He can recall foliage from his wedding day, but he can't tell you who killed him?
Kristina Frye: Crossing over to the other side can be confusing. It's a bit like waking up from anesthia. Sometimes it can take awhile to get real clarity.

Patrick Jane: Oh sweetheart. There you are. Join us. I got us a room and our friend here.
Novella: Novella.
Patrick Jane: Novella. She's going to help us explore some boundaries.
Teresa Lisbon: No, she's not.
Patrick Jane: Work with me Teresa.

Patrick Jane: Dylan. Ruth. We need to talk.
Dylan: Thank you very much for totally ruining a freaking brilliant scene, jerk!

Teresa Lisbon: You should make that call.
Patrick Jane: What call?
Teresa Lisbon: Right, like I'm not a detective too.

Teresa Lisbon: We're family! What you're doing is a kind of betrayal, a surrender, a defeat. You're letting Red John win!
Patrick Jane: Oh please. Please, really? Okay enough. All right. No more pulling away. All right? Here, give me a hug.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't mean it. I can tell.
Patrick Jane: What do you mean? You can't tell. I don't mean it, but you can't tell that I don't. You're guessing.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, I can tell.
Patrick Jane: How?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. I can tell when you're lying.
Patrick Jane: You can't.
Teresa Lisbon: I can too.
Patrick Jane: That' nonsense. You're lying. Liar, liar pants on fire.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not lying.
Patrick Jane: You are.

No no no no no you're going about it all wrong detective, you're coming straight outta the gate with bad cop. I mean, you do a good bad cop, you are intimidating, I'm not gonna lie to you. But-but now let's bring good cop out. He's nicer, more pleasant, we build a rapport, you... maybe you say something like "are you thirsty?" and I say "I'd love a cup of tea."

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Patrick Jane: Was it worth it?
Max Winter: Was what worth it?
Patrick Jane: The man that killed your wife no longer exists. The time you took pursuing him, the pain, the sacrifice. Was it worth it?
Max Winter: Yes, it was.

Good thing for you, you're a terrible liar. It's all about the eye contact.

Wayne Rigsby: That's my card!
Wayne Rigsby: How did you do that?
Patrick Jane: Huh? What?
Medical Examiner: Card tricks? A man has lost his life. You should be ashamed of yourself.

You ever notice that... feeling, that physical unwell feeling you get when you know you should say or do something. Heart pounds. Headache. Backache... You can feel better immediately. If you tell the truth... right now.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We have delivery from L Courtier. You want to open the door?
Patrick Jane: She's lying!
Grace Van Pelt: [Lisbon and Van Pelt burst in. Van Pelts puts cuffs on Daniella] Abby Fitzwilliams, you're under arrest!
Daniella: I'm not Abby.
Teresa Lisbon: Put your hands in the air now!
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, Grace, where's your manners? This is Danniella - Abby's best friend. Come in have a seat.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We have delivery from L Courtier. You want to open the door?
Patrick Jane: She's lying!
Grace Van Pelt: Abby Fitzwilliams, you're under arrest!
Daniella: I'm not Abby.
Teresa Lisbon: Put your hands in the air now!
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, Grace, where's your manners? This is Danniella - Abby's best friend. Come in have a seat.

Ladies and gentlemen, quick announcement: I'd like you to give a very warm welcome to Walter's new girlfriend, number one - Teresa Lisbon.

You want me to be sorry? Okay, I am sorry. I'm sorry that the loss of your father drove you mad. But I don't regret what I did to him. He was a thief and a murderer - and I did everything to catch him because that's who I am.

Todd, you repeat what I tell you now, and I will deny every word of it. If you truly want revenge, you have to be hard. You have to be dishonest and devious and cold. You can't let people see what's in your heart.

Teresa Lisbon: There's no upside to taking the law into your own hands. Revenge truly doesn't work.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's just a sweeping statement, isn't it? I'm sure we all can think of examples where revenge has worked splendidly.
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks for your input.
Patrick Jane: Just saying.

Patrick Jane: You old assistant to me where to find you. I need your help.
Virgil Minelli: Well, that's a twist. You never needed my help when I was your boss.

Patrick Jane: Chance has thrust away a very sordid and vexing problem. But have no fear.
Grace Van Pelt: We don't.
Teresa Lisbon: I do. What's your plan?

Len Artash: Sir, why are you staring at me like that?
Patrick Jane: I was staring? Oh, I'm so sorry. My mind was elsewhere.

Patrick Jane: I think you like getting beat up. A little masochistic streak there, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks for that. Thanks

Lisbon, yes. I ditched you. Uh, I must confess. Look at the bright side, I left you with a car this time... There's no need to be so grumpy, it's okay.

Patrick Jane: Well, I would like to pay this ticket - but under protest.
Zach Gladden: Nobody pays any other way.

Every time you breathe that breath of putrid smoke, remember this: this is a fat rich tobacco executive thinking what a fool you are every time you breathe that smoke. Laughing at you, with his fat jowels wobbing with glee. Do you see him?

Patrick Jane: It was self-defense.
Teresa Lisbon: Exactly, and if it was self-defense, she'll be acquitted.
Patrick Jane: Oh, and the courts never get it wrong. The system never chews people up.
Teresa Lisbon: We are the system, Jane. We get it right most of the time.

Madeleine Hightower: I'm not angry.
Patrick Jane: Sure you are. Letting it out will be helpful, I guarantee. Shout. Scream. Hit something - preferably not me. It'll do you wonders.

She does the detecting and I do the insulting.

Patrick Jane: I'm off to the cafeteria for something deliciously suspended in gelatin.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not even going to ask you where you're really going. You want to know why?... I don't have to know.

She does the detecting and I do the insulting.

Coroner Steiner: The only other time that I have been in a room like this was to examine a man who died accidentally in the middle of an auto-erotic ritual.
Patrick Jane: Well I bet he died with a smile on his face.

Grace Van Pelt: Thousands of people say it's happened to them. They can't all be crazy or lying.
Patrick Jane: Mm hmm.
Grace Van Pelt: I'm just saying you should keep an open mind. You can't prove there aren't aliens.
Patrick Jane: That's true.

Patrick Jane: Erica, it's over. I'm sure of it.
Erica Flynn: Don't be. No everyone's as smart as you.

Patrick Jane: Did you know that in seven years, each and every cell is completely replaced in your body? That means you are literally a different person from when we first met.
Teresa Lisbon: Sadder but wiser.

Patrick Jane: I've got nothing
J.J. LaRoche: That's disappointing, something got you off your game, distracted?
Patrick Jane: No, not at all

Teresa Lisbon: What's going on with you? You've been acting strange since this case started.
Patrick Jane: Strange?
Patrick Jane: Strange how? Strange like
Patrick Jane: Or
Kimball Cho: Boss, Rigsby's
Kimball Cho: got something.

Memory is unreliable because the untrained brain has a crappy filing system. It takes everything that happens to you and throws it all willy-nilly into a big, dark closet. When you go in there looking for something, all you can find are the big, obvious things like when your mom died, or stuff that you don't really need, stuff that you're not looking for, like the words to "Copacabana." You can't find what you need. But don't panic, because it is still there.

Patrick Jane: For you
Teresa Lisbon: Does it squirt water?
Patrick Jane: Nooo, no trick... Maybe just a little trick. Catch the killer
Teresa Lisbon: With a hydrangea?
Patrick Jane: Ya
Teresa Lisbon: How?
Patrick Jane: Well wouldn't that be spoiling the fun?
Teresa Lisbon: ...for you. Spoiling the fun for you
Patrick Jane: That's the fun that matters

Gupta: Hello Patrick. You're welcome to join us if you like.
Patrick Jane: Well, I gotta tell you, there's other stuff that I gotta...
Gupta: Shut up! I insist. You'll be of useful help to Agent Lisbon.

Teresa Lisbon: God, I miss Hightower. Aside from the murder stuff obviously. Screw it. Even with the murder stuff. How does he just appear out of nowhere like that?
Patrick Jane: He's a ghost - from the fifth dimension. Right, Rigsby?
Wayne Rigsby: He's the boss. Not going there.

Hightower: How will you do in 48 hours what you haven't been able to do in months?
Patrick Jane: I will because I have to.

Prosecutor says that Timothy Carter wasn't Red John. Well... Carter told me himself that he was Red John, but I... I can't prove that. The forensic evidence is inconclusive, his wife refuses to talk to anyone, refuses to speak at all, so she's no use to us. What about Carter's records? Surely there must be some clues there. No. On paper, this man seems to appear out of nowhere five years ago. Before that, nothing. Why? Because Timothy Carter is an invented identity, a mask. I'm not guilty of killing Timothy Carter because Timothy Carter never existed. There is no Timothy Carter. There is only Red John. Red John started killing people twelve years ago. It's hard to put an exact number on how many people he's killed, but it's somewhere around 28. Nearly all women, late at night, in their homes. He wakes them first because he likes to see the fear in their eyes. He likes to hear them beg for mercy as he cuts them open. He did that to my wife and daughter, and I've been looking for him ever since. Looking for personal vengeance. I believe that's... my right. I have the right to kill the man that killed my family. I don't say I shouldn't be punished for doing what I did, I feel I had no choice. What would you do?

Patrick Jane: Come on. When have I steered you wrong?
Wayne Rigsby: Recently?

Patrick Jane: And you are?
Deke Hutton: Connor's uncle. Deke Hutton.
Patrick Jane: Hmm.
Deke Hutton: And you should have gone to jail, you miserable sleazebag.
Patrick Jane: Well, nice to meet you, too.

That man has the conscience of a mollusk.

Lydia Bibb: I threw a flower into the ocean for her.
Patrick Jane: You did?
Lydia Bibb: It's an old island custom. My mother said it sent a message to your people who had passed over. I mean, I know the girl isn't my family, but I think it'll still work, don't you?
Patrick Jane: Well, it can't hurt.
Lydia Bibb: You think I'm a foolish old woman, but I'll tell you this. I feel better. I feel like I did Something to give that girl some peace

Teresa Lisbon: Jane and I have to go to work. You mind hanging out in my office?
Annabeth Lisbon: Sure.
Patrick Jane: Rigsby is a nice, easy mark if you want to keep practicing.

Oh, come on. You've been a cop for a long time. What you don't know is how much you know without knowing it. Take a guess and run with it.

Patrick Jane: Disappointing, Lisbon. I thought you might push back a little. The guy called me a circus act.
Teresa Lisbon: Hey, the man is grieving. You push back.
Patrick Jane: Okay, I will.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't you dare.
Patrick Jane: You said that I could.
Teresa Lisbon: I take it back.

Teresa Lisbon: Would you want that - to hear what people say about you when you're dead?
Patrick Jane: When I'm dead, they can burn me in effigy or build a statue or forget about me completely. I couldn't care less.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't mean that. Everybody wants to be remembered.
Patrick Jane: Childish vanity.
Teresa Lisbon: I want to be remembered.
Patrick Jane: And you shall be - fondly, because you won't care about it because when you're dead you're dead. And until then -
Patrick Jane: There's ice cream.

The closest a man should come to touching a fitted sweater is helping a woman out of one.

Patrick Jane: What's the best way in with a luscious redhead?
Wayne Rigsby: Van Pelt?
Patrick Jane: Well, clearly you two had a thing and she dumped you, but maybe you can share a tip on how to open the cookie jar. You know, get some, uh, tasty ginger snaps?
Wayne Rigsby: Huh. You want a tip? Back off.
Patrick Jane: I thought we were a team.

Patrick Jane: Nice Lady.
Teresa Lisbon: Nice? That's all you're gonna say? She's Nice?
Patrick Jane: Great legs.

Patrick Jane: Rosalind, where's Roy?
Rosalind Harker: Roy couldn't stay.
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: Jane.
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: It's the morgue attendant. You still gonna try and tell me Red John is dead?

Erica Flynn: These days I don't get to spend much time alone with charming men.
Patrick Jane: There's a reason for that, so you don't kill them.
Erica Flynn: We all have our baggage.

Teresa Lisbon: She's a convicted murderer.
Patrick Jane: A convicted manslaughterer, actually.

Bret Stiles: How are those demons of yours coming on, Patrick? They still chasing you, are they?
Patrick Jane: I'm chasing them.
Bret Stiles: Are you?

I can't believe you haven't cracked Philo yet. I mean, you guys just can't manage without me, can you?

Patrick Jane: I need your help.
Teresa Lisbon: My help? What about Darcy?
Patrick Jane: Eh... it didn't work out. Long story. Uh, no big deal. I'll tell you when you get here.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm busy here.
Patrick Jane: Call me when you're close.

Teresa Lisbon: You are a cool customer. You think you can outrun a tiger?
Patrick Jane: I don't have to. I just have to run faster than you.

Teresa Lisbon: This is too creepy.
Patrick Jane: Killers like creepy.

Cheap power suit, phone holster, Bluetooth, large watch. Has "petty tyrant" written all over him.

Teresa Lisbon: 11 years in Catholic school and I never got sent to the Principal's office once.
Patrick Jane: Well that's because you're a boring goody two shoes.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't say I never did anything bad. I just never got caught.

Nothing wows like vintage Madonna.

Teresa Lisbon: What do you think?
Patrick Jane: Well, all cruelty stems from weakness, and this one's a quivering mass. Emotionally immature. Aggressively masculine. He harbors childhood pain tied to bedwetting or some similar humiliation. Yeah, he could be our killer, too.
Teresa Lisbon: You're not making this easy.

Grace Van Pelt: How did you know Archie was gay?
Patrick Jane: Well, Archie Sr. named his son after himself like a king. He was hoping for an heir, yet there's not one photo of Junior in the house.
Grace Van Pelt: You think he's ashamed of him.
Patrick Jane: Well, look at this room. Traditional masculine decor. Bold nautical themes.
Grace Van Pelt: It's like a furniture catalog threw up in here.
Patrick Jane: Yes. These are not the choices of a teenager. I think Archie Sr. personally decorated this room in the attempt to butch up his gay son.

Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Lao-tzu.
Teresa Lisbon: Lao-tzu?
Patrick Jane: Famous Chinese philosopher.
Teresa Lisbon: What has he got to do with anything?
Patrick Jane: Ah, your unconscious sexual bias at work there, Lisbon. You assumed he was a he.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, was he?
Patrick Jane: He was. Not the point.

Teresa Lisbon: What about your promise to Bertram?
Patrick Jane: I had my fingers crossed.

Teresa Lisbon: What are you? Huh? Crazy?
Patrick Jane: Excuse me?
Teresa Lisbon: I told you to be careful. I told you not to go over the edge.
Patrick Jane: And I told you not to listen.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be childish! I am not your girlfriend. I am an officer of the law. How could I not listen? You kissed her. You offered to help her escape.
Patrick Jane: And I would ask her to marry me if I thought she'd buy it. I was playing her.
Teresa Lisbon: She's playing you.

Patrick Jane: You're still here.
Charlotte Anne Jane: You're still tripping.
Patrick Jane: It would seem so.
Charlotte Anne Jane: You really shouldn't be driving. And you especially should not be driving an ambulance.

Teresa Lisbon: Now you're stealing an ambulance?
Patrick Jane: No, I'm just admiring the interior. Wicked GPS. How much you think one of these rigs goes for?

Patrick Jane: You really want me to tell you? It's gonna ruin the surprise.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes. I don't like surprises.
Patrick Jane: Three guesses then.
Patrick Jane: I'll give you a hint.
Patrick Jane: It's-it's not animal or vegetable.

Nurse: Excuse me, can I help you?
Patrick Jane: There was a man attached to this needle. Have you seen him?

Tara Skye: I don't want to speak ill of the dead.
Patrick Jane: They don't really care.They're dead.

Why are you mad at me?I didn't force you to escape from prison.

Quinton Bosh: Well, as I said, living room's exactly the same.
Patrick Jane: Well, not exactly. I like it.
Quinton Bosh: Good, good. Let's take a look at the extra bedroom.
Patrick Jane: No, no need. I'm really feeling it here. I think I need to be alone with the house for a moment. You know just to check out its aura.
Quinton Bosh: Aura?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Well I'm not gonna buy a house unless we have compatible auras.

Could you pass the cheese plate? This is getting good.

Patrick Jane: I think this puzzle box is the key. Whatever is in here was important enough to hide, but not valuable enough to put in that safe.
Kimball Cho: What do you think it is?
Patrick Jane: I don't know yet, it's a puzzle.
Teresa Lisbon: Cho, crack it open.
Patrick Jane: Oh, no no no no. It's my puzzle. All mine.

Joanna Lyle: As a therapist, I'd like to think that I can help my patients get sober. But as a recovering alcoholic, I know I can't make someone stop before they're ready. There but for the Grace of God.
Patrick Jane: Mm. Well, let's leave God out of it, shall we?

Patrick Jane: Lisbon, you're distracted and you have an eager gleam in your eye. Either you have a breakthrough in the Volker case, or you're in love. Which is it?
Teresa Lisbon: I got Judge Davis to sign the warrant, and Van Pelt should be getting Volker's records momentarily.
Patrick Jane: I was hoping it was love. You deserve happiness, but I'm glad for you anyway.

Patrick Jane: How was the rest of the party?
Teresa Lisbon: Torture. That can never, ever happen again.
Patrick Jane: Ten years, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: More, actually. Every year with you counts as two.

Teresa Lisbon: There is something off here. This place gives me the creeps.
Patrick Jane: Normally I'd be tempted to mock your superstition, but in this case I'm inclined to agree. Ladies first.

Patrick Jane: [checking out the victim's sailboat] Seems like a civilized way to travel, don't you think?
Teresa Lisbon: Are you kidding? Stuck on that thing in the middle of the ocean? It's like being in a prison cell with a chance of drowning.

I tell you about 30% of what I do. That doesn't mean I'm lying.

Teresa Lisbon: Now that she's killed someone, they're gonna look again into her escape.
Patrick Jane: That's likely.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, I know you broke her out of prison. And you know I know.
Patrick Jane: And I know you know I know.
Teresa Lisbon: This is not funny! If they find out, you could be charged as an accomplice to murder.
Patrick Jane: Well, if they find out. They won't, unless, of course, you sing to the coppers.
Teresa Lisbon: Which I won't. And that makes me an accomplice to murder, as well.
Patrick Jane: Well, only if you look at it like a very persnickety lawyer.

Patrick Jane: Trust me. You'll have fun.
J.J. LaRoche: Trust me. You'll have fun. Was there ever a more suspicious phrase?

Teresa Lisbon: You need to try and start following the rules for a while. And if you must break the rules, break them on your own time.
Patrick Jane: When am I not on my own time?

Patrick Jane: Hey, Cho.
Kimball Cho: Okay, how'd you do that?
Patrick Jane: Well, you tread a little heavier than Lisbon. And Rigsby's car isn't in the lot.
Kimball Cho: We've got a case and Lisbon's busy, so you and I are riding out.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. I'll meet you downstairs.

Patrick Jane: Smells of juniper.
Kimball Cho: Cologne?
Patrick Jane: Uh... I don't... no, more like... cheap gin. Drunken out of necessity, not pleasure. So he drank alone, he let the killer in. He knew him, or her. They argued...
Deb Granger: How'd you know they argued?
Patrick Jane: Well, he is dead.
Deb Granger: What did they argue about?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't know. What do people argue about? Money? Power? Love? Jealousy?
Deb Granger: Revenge. Sorry, I shouldn't do that.
Patrick Jane: No, jump right in. This is a murder. It's exciting.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We need to speak with Buddy Hennings.
Receptionist: If you want to be on the show, you have to fill out this form and take it to couples-intake.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, we're not a couple. Please.
Patrick Jane: What she means is ours is more of a platonic love.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We need to speak with Buddy Hennings.
Receptionist: If you want to be on the show, you have to fill out this form and take it to couples-intake.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, we're not a couple. Please.
Patrick Jane: What she means is ours is more of a platonic love.

Kimball Cho: So if he's not white-water rafting, where is he?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't know, but I'm sure you two will figure it out. And, Rigsby... Put the cupcake back.

J.J. LaRoche: Whatever happens, I want to thank you for trying to help me.
Patrick Jane: Well, truth is, you're a hard man not to help, LaRoche. You're like a Shar-Pei puppy that's rolled onto its back. You have to rub its belly.
J.J. LaRoche: You're mocking me.
Patrick Jane: No, no, I'm happy to rub your belly.
J.J. LaRoche: That won't be necessary.
Patrick Jane: I hope not.

Patrick Jane: I mean, no offense, but you have no dishonesty in you.
Teresa Lisbon: I Have Dishonesty in me. I can put up a front.

Patrick Jane: If I tell you why I won't tell you, you'll get mad at me.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm already mad at you. Just tell me.
Patrick Jane: No, you're not mad, you're just vexed. There is a difference.

Teresa Lisbon: What's your take on Partridge?
Patrick Jane: If he is Red John, he's a very good actor.
Teresa Lisbon: He would have to be, wouldn't he?

Grace Van Pelt: How's boss?
Patrick Jane: Alive and cranky.

Patrick Jane: What's up, Cho?
Kimball Cho: Are you working this case?
Patrick Jane: I'm always working the case.
Kimball Cho: Rigsby's going to the victim's house, and I've got to talk to some people about drones.
Patrick Jane: Oh! Drones. That's new. Count me in.

Grace Van Pelt: How's boss?
Patrick Jane: Alive and cranky.

Sheriff McAllister: Thought you were supposed to solve a crime, not destroy a wedding.
Patrick Jane: I'd say the killer did that.
Sheriff McAllister: I'm prepared to marvel at your insight. Who's the killer?
Patrick Jane: Still working on it.
Sheriff McAllister: Really? Surprised. I'd have thought you'd have 'em in cuffs by now.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I'd hate to disappoint you.

Teresa Lisbon: Nice push.
Patrick Jane: Eh, something good will come out of this. You'll see. Can we go back to Napa now?
Teresa Lisbon: Please.

Patrick Jane: Oh, what do you have planned for the day? You don't officially have a case, do you? You can relax. Get a massage, mani-pedi.
Teresa Lisbon: No. I have to go and offer protection to the six people on your list, which you are going to give me.
Patrick Jane: I was hoping you'd opt for the massage.

Teresa Lisbon: I am trying to wrap my mind around this. Now, you put the lives of seven innocent people in danger.
Patrick Jane: No, none of them are innocent. Marx defrauded hundreds of people, then he brutally murdered someone to cover it up. I assure you, Lisbon, all of these men are very bad. They just don't happen to be Red John.

Patrick Jane: Who did this to you? Tell me.
Kira Tinsley: Tattoo... tattoo on his left arm.

Teresa Lisbon: What did she say?
Patrick Jane: She told me Red John has a tattoo on his left shoulder. Three dots. That's my leverage. I got him.

Patrick Jane: You're going to meet me tonight at eight o'clock.
Bret Stiles: Patrick...
Patrick Jane: No, you listen to me. You're gonna meet me tonight at eight o'clock or I'm gonna come back here, and when I do, you will need more than these walls to keep you safe.
Bret Stiles: Threats? That's so out of character.
Patrick Jane: I mean every word of it.
Bret Stiles: Yes, I believe you do. But you see, Patrick, a dying man does not fear death.
Patrick Jane: Oh, please. This charade might work on your disciples. It doesn't work on me.
Bret Stiles: You think too highly of me. Unfortunately, it's not a charade.
Patrick Jane: How long have you got?
Bret Stiles: It's spread to the blood. There's nothing they can do. I don't know... two weeks, a month. You see, it's not personal. It's just that my time now is very precious.
Patrick Jane: I'm still gonna need you tonight.
Bret Stiles: For god's sake, why? What's so damned important?
Patrick Jane: Red John. I'm close. Closer than I've ever been.

Teresa Lisbon: He's at the Ecuadorian consulate. As long as he's there, we can't touch him. What do you want to do?
Patrick Jane: I'll handle Stiles.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, he's not gonna come with you. He doesn't have to.
Patrick Jane: I'll be persuasive.

Teresa Lisbon: The team's looking for Smith, Bertram's on the run. So who's Red John? Is it Bertram or Smith?
Patrick Jane: I need to look them both in the eye.

I know you're drug dealers. I don't judge. I'm wanted for homicide myself in the US.

Patrick Jane: You called me an asset. That's so touching.
Dennis Abbott: I'm an optimist.

Krystal Markham: Oh, you're trouble.
Patrick Jane: Harmless as a fly.

Teresa Lisbon: It's 2:23. This is a waste of time. Your theoretical spy isn't showing up.
Patrick Jane: Have to have patience, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: I'd rather have coffee.

Teresa Lisbon: What do you think we should do?
Patrick Jane: I think we should trust our instincts.
Kimball Cho: You mean take a wild guess.
Patrick Jane: 80% of the time, a detective's first guess is right.
Kimball Cho: You just made that up.
Patrick Jane: And you knew that because your instincts told you.

Teresa Lisbon: I was really angry at you for doing what you did, but then I thought better of it. It was a stupid idea, but, hey, it worked.
Patrick Jane: Whoa. Stupid? Not necessarily stupid. Simple. Not stupid.
Teresa Lisbon: But I am still angry at you for not telling me what you were gonna do. I thought you'd gone nuts.
Patrick Jane: Oh, come on, please. It's not like I haven't abducted people before.

I keep finding strangers in my bedroom. It must have been a good party.

Kimball Cho: They've done six jobs. They must have left us something to work with.
Agent Marcus Pike: Well, they've only slipped up once. We found a glove a few blocks from a gallery they robbed in Phoenix. We managed to get a partial print and we got a hit. Aaron Pulaski. Time for armed robbery and battery. He's also the former middleweight boxing champ at Folsom Prison.
Kimball Cho: And you can't charge a man for owning a glove.
Agent Marcus Pike: Yeah. We brought him in for questioning, but he lawyered up quick and culled the siv. These guys are pros.
Teresa Lisbon: If he's a known felon, we should have his known associates, hangouts, stuff like that.
Agent Marcus Pike: We do, but nothing's popped. Doesn't seem to have a lot of friends, he hangs out a lot at a bar on Sixth Street.
Teresa Lisbon: We could set a tail on him.
Patrick Jane: Ehh, they could be waiting for weeks. Uh, my plan is a little more elaborate, but it's much more entertaining.
Kimball Cho: Of course it is.

Even a broken clock gets to be right twice a day.

Teresa Lisbon: You think this is terrorists?
Dennis Abbott: Well, we can't rule it out.
Patrick Jane: Well, I think we can. Someone just wanted the dead guy dead.
Dennis Abbott: And why do you think that?
Patrick Jane: Because he's dead. I mean, look at this place. Bomber could of killed a dozen people if he wanted to. But, nope, this guy just bumped off one. Pretty ineffective terrorism, if you ask me.

Kenyon Russell: We had a problem. In years past, people would go to a house about when they... wanted that kind of thing. But there was drunkenness, accidents, arrests. Not a healthy situation in the age of the camera phone.So Kilgallen came up with the idea of moving the enterprise onto our grounds as a way of avoiding the difficulties. And it worked. We've had no problems since then.
Patrick Jane: Except a murder.

Patrick Jane: What about those two?
Teresa Lisbon: The lady? I don't think so.
Patrick Jane: Not just her. The two of them. They're obviously traveling together. They're not a couple, there's no intimacy there.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, they've been in a truck for hours. How could there be intimacy?

Marshal Lawson: Patrick Jane? You are Patrick Jane?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, when it suits me.

Patrick Jane: You're right-handed.
Daniela Welker: Uh, yes.
Patrick Jane: So, that heart on your hand, you didn't draw that?
Daniela Welker: Uh, no. They did.
Kimball Cho: Yeah, we don't know what that means. None of the other girls we rescued had that mark.
Daniela Welker: Guess I'm special.

Michael Ridley: You've misjudged me. I've done nothing wrong.
Patrick Jane: You truly believe that, don't you?
Michael Ridley: Of course I do.
Patrick Jane: It's just business to you, all these women dead. It's just numbers on a spreadsheet, figures on your bottom line.
Michael Ridley: First of all, I didn't kill anyone. But perhaps the man who did wasn't solely concerned with money. Perhaps he had a greater cause in mind. Perhaps the lives of these women were taken so that the lives of important men could be spared, scientists, leaders, philanthropists, people who shape the world.
Patrick Jane: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react to that.
Michael Ridley: Oh, come on. It's just us. If anyone could understand that perspective, it's you.
Patrick Jane: Well, you're right. I've worked with psychopaths and monsters for years, so, yes, I do understand your perspective... very well.

You came to seek revenge, too, huh? I shouldn't have made the clue so easy.

Teresa Lisbon: That was weird. What'd he say?
Patrick Jane: Uh, he asked me if I had a plan for you.
Teresa Lisbon: Plan?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Um... I don't. I... Well, I... I... I think I know what feels - I... I think we know - what feels right, and I think that that should be our guide.
Teresa Lisbon: So do I.

When you shower, promise me this: that you will wear the flip-flops, please. A, it makes you look less attractive, which should be considered, and B, the floor is a petri dish.

Erica Flynn: I'm a professional in the field of romance and relationships. And it pains me to admit it, but, in my professional opinion, you and Lisbon will not last as a couple.
Patrick Jane: Why is that?
Erica Flynn: Because you're drawn to each other for the wrong reasons. You're attracted to her virtue, her honesty and her goodness - things you think you lack. She's interested in you for your 'danger'; your unpredictability; your transgressions. These superficial qualities are alluring, even erotic, but they don't make for a lasting relationship.
Patrick Jane: And what does?
Erica Flynn: Finding your soulmate - the person who sees the world they way you do, who laughs at the things you laugh at, and... wants the things you want.
Patrick Jane: And that's you?
Erica Flynn: Here I am.
Patrick Jane: I love Lisbon. And I'm taking you to the real police, and they're gonna lock you up for the rest of your life.
Erica Flynn: Oh, Patrick. I tried

Teresa Lisbon: What's that?
Patrick Jane: Fireworks.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks?
Patrick Jane: It's the end of Ramadan. They're celebrating.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks. Beautiful.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It is beautiful. You thought it was a bomb, didn't you?
Teresa Lisbon: No, I didn't.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you did.
Teresa Lisbon: I did not.
Patrick Jane: You did.

Teresa Lisbon: What's that?
Patrick Jane: Fireworks.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks?
Patrick Jane: It's the end of Ramadan. They're celebrating.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks. Beautiful.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It is beautiful. You thought it was a bomb, didn't you?
Teresa Lisbon: No, I didn't.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you did.
Teresa Lisbon: I did not.
Patrick Jane: You did.

Patrick Jane: We could learn to sail, buy a boat, sail around the world.
Teresa Lisbon: Right.
Patrick Jane: What? I've always wanted to do that. A lot of people do it. I mean, we could do it.
Teresa Lisbon: There's whales and storms and pirates. Scurvy. I mean, besides, I get seasick.
Patrick Jane: You do?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah!
Patrick Jane: How badly?
Teresa Lisbon: Pretty bad.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Well, maybe you get over that.
Teresa Lisbon: We are not sailing around the world.
Patrick Jane: All right. Beekeeping? Who doesn't like honey?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, you just come up with the best ideas. Beekeeping?
Patrick Jane: Well, I think you'd look very cute in one of those little beekeeping suits.
Teresa Lisbon: How is that romantic?

Dennis Abbott: Bill Peterson doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but he's not a traitor.
Kimball Cho: I thought we couldn't rule anyone out.
Patrick Jane: Abbott's right. Peterson's not a suspect.
Dennis Abbott: Good. So, we'll, uh, just dig down into his team. Personal reviews, bank records. Anything that points to a motive. Ego, revenge.
Dennis Abbott: What? You disagree?
Patrick Jane: Well, they're all poorly paid government employees. You're not gonna have to dig too deep to find motive.
Dennis Abbott: You have a better idea?
Patrick Jane: Maybe. But first I need someone to run an errand for me.

Teresa Lisbon: Abbott said it was the death of a DEA agent. And by the way, keep tomorrow night open.
Patrick Jane: Well, why would it be closed?
Teresa Lisbon: Your birthday?
Patrick Jane: Oh, that. Yes.
Teresa Lisbon: I already told everybody at work no songs, no cake, no gifts.
Patrick Jane: Good. Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: Except me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you have a gift for me?
Teresa Lisbon: It's a surprise.
Patrick Jane: A surprise?
Teresa Lisbon: That's right.
Patrick Jane: You think you can keep a secret from me for that long?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't think I can. I know I can.
Patrick Jane: I admire your confidence.

Dennis Abbott: Bill Peterson doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but he's not a traitor.
Kimball Cho: I thought we couldn't rule anyone out.
Patrick Jane: Abbott's right. Peterson's not a suspect.
Dennis Abbott: Good. So, we'll, uh, just dig down into his team. Personal reviews, bank records. Anything that points to a motive. Ego, revenge.
Dennis Abbott: What? You disagree?
Patrick Jane: Well, they're all poorly paid government employees. You're not gonna have to dig too deep to find motive.
Dennis Abbott: You have a better idea?
Patrick Jane: Maybe. But first I need someone to run an errand for me.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry. My family's messy.
Patrick Jane: Oh, no need. Messy people are good people.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not messy.
Patrick Jane: You're messy on the inside.

Patrick Jane: Agent Spackman. Good to see you. I missed that face.
Ken Spackman: Lisbon. Jane. We got four murders in under three minutes. Twenty-nine year old realtor, sixty-seven year old coffee store owner, and two FBI agents. Good men. Good family men with, uh, young kids.
Dennis Abbott: No security cameras, no fingerprints. Guy was in and out like a ghost.

Michelle Vega: Lucky robbers.
Patrick Jane: Luck is the planning you don't see.

Patrick Jane: I'm leaving. You can come with me or you can stay here, but... I have to go.
Teresa Lisbon: Where you going?
Patrick Jane: Some place nice.

Amber: That's a very clever trick.
Patrick Jane: It's not rocket surgery.

Patrick Jane: I don't think this is about who he killed so much as what he killed for. Hey, Tork. Long time, no see.
Dennis Abbott: Do you mean the blood and the fingernails?
Patrick Jane: Well, the fingernails not so much; I think they're just a gruesome trophy. But the blood he had to work for. He must need it for something.

There's another very good reason we should elope, alright? Keller is apparently still alive and he's mad at me for some reason.

Teresa Lisbon: We should have just eloped like you said.
Patrick Jane: What about your family?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, they wouldn't care. I just talked to them at the hotel. They found the minibar. They're like cavemen arguing over a dead antelope.