The Mentalist Quotes

Well I'm just saying be careful. That you sell your talent and not your soul. Don't let other people run your lives not even your dad. And trust me I know what I'm talking about.

Patrick Jane: It's nice to be nice. But if you want to get ahead in life, sometimes you have to be a bitch. I know you know how.
Grace Van Pelt: Gee, thanks.
Patrick Jane: It's all about the balance, Grace. Yin, Yang. Nice, bitch. Little bit of bitch inside the nice, a little bit of nice inside the bitch.
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah, I'll work on that.
Patrick Jane: Keep 'em guessin'.

Revenge is a poison. Revenge is for fools and for mad men.

Teresa Lisbon: Cho and I have a trial meeting with Deputy AG.
Kimball Cho: Not if I throw myself into oncomin traffic first.

You wanted Connor dead. You grabbed him and then made it look like a child murderer did it. Which part are we misunderstanding?

You made her feel like a captured princess instead of a small-town choir nerd. And she made you feel like a dashing pirate instead of what you are... sort of a bad-tempered pharmacist.

Kimball Cho: Why a sexual motive? Could be gangs or drugs.
Patrick Jane: A drug-trade smothering? By who, the Sesame Street Crips?

If you're thinking of trying that on, don't! Not your shade.

People trapped in miserable lives always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and to pretend the misery doesn't exist.

Kimball Cho: Where were you yesterday, Ted?
Ted Luscom: Well, I was several places, Kimball.
Kimball Cho: We're gonna need a list.
Ted Luscom: We? I only see one of you.
Kimball Cho: I, and the state machinery of oppression's gonna need a list.

Grace Van Pelt: But he was your friend.
Kimball Cho: He was a gangbanger, Van Pelt. Bangers get shot. All right? He's not the first person I used to know to get shot, he won't be the last.

You should tell the truth Mr. Mosca. It's easier to remember.

Vigilance Guard #1: Do you seek the path to enlightenment?
Kimball Cho: No.

Gale Bertram: Now I have a problem because uh, our urgent need for your skills are precisely balanced by my desire to fire you - before you destroy the bureau or my career - or both.
Patrick Jane: I understand... You're in a tight spot. You know who's always been a healthy moderating influence on me?
Gale Bertram: Yeah, of course, Lisbon. I'm sorry, not possible.
Patrick Jane: Well, then. You will continue to have a problem.

Grace Van Pelt: You ready to be daddy? That's going to be you soon.
Wayne Rigsby: Oh no, I can cry much louder than that.

Lao-tzu said that if you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession.

I'm trying to work here and you're staring at me like I have two heads.

Dennis Abbott: He stood in my office, looked me in the eye, and lied to me, and I bought it.
Kimball Cho: Don't feel bad. Jane could sell cats to mice.

Every good plan needs a little bit of luck.

Remember, he's not gonna hide the money in or under his mattress.

Mr. Randolph, rest assured there is no intent to persecute you. We scumbags are holding your brother because we have evidence linking him to the crime, and potential motive in that he states that whenever you weren't around, he was banging your wife like a big bass drum.

Patrick Jane: You see, the thing is, Flip. Lisbon here, is looking at you like you're a porkchop. Because you fit the profile. Your life is in chaos. You're lonely. You're depressed. You're addicted to drugs and pornography, and uh, a little nuts to be honest. You're exactly the kind of man who does terrible things to women.
Patrick Jane: But I don't think he did it. Because I think deep down, you're a good man. You should learn to use your bishops a little more effectively, but otherwise a good man.

Kimball Cho: You had the keys in your hand the whole time?
Patrick Jane: You gotta let it go man.
Kimball Cho: Did you have the keys in your hand?
Patrick Jane: If I tell you how it's done, the Magic Circle will send a team of assasins to kill us all. It's the law.

Hope: Are you guys cops?
Wayne Rigsby: CBI.
Hope: What's CBI?
Wayne Rigsby: California Bureau of Investigation.
Patrick Jane: Cops.

Wayne Rigsby: I sent out the vibes. I got none back. Okay? So leave me alone
Patrick Jane: Vibes. Really? Vibes?
Kimball Cho: That's where he stares at the back of her neck for several hours. Women love that.
Wayne Rigsby: Shut up Cho!

Rulon Farnes: It's not my fault I look like this.
Kimball Cho: It is, actually. With a low-carb diet and exercise, you could look very different.

Patrick Jane: I got us a table booked at the best restaurant in town. Apparently they tell you the name of the cow your steak came from.
Grace Van Pelt: That's horrible!

Now that must be worth a lot of money, because it's the ugliest watch I've ever seen.

Steve Preciado: This is our arrest. Always has been. We got no time to wait for your mommy!
Kimball Cho: Hey, there's always time. All right? Let's do this right. Go in too quickly and someone could get hurt.
Steve Preciado: This is real police work, sonny! People get hurt.

Ben Machado: I didn't know you were cops.
Kimball Cho: What? You thought we were selling magazine subscriptions?

Teresa Lisbon: We closed cases before he came. We'll close cases after he's gone.
Kimball Cho: Yeah. Just not so many.
Wayne Rigsby: The cases are *not* the point! It's not that we need him. He needs

Patrick Jane: Life is a million to one. The universe is one big coincidence. Cosmically improbable coincidences happen all the time. We just don't notice them all.
Kimball Cho: Or she's a witch.

Wayne Rigsby: Not bad. Your delivery was a bit wooden.
Kimball Cho: Wooden? Me? Yeah, and you're Marlon Brando.

Can I hold your hand?

How do you stalk a chicken?

Kimball Cho: He's from the A.G.'s office. We're catching a hot one.
Patrick Jane: Hooray. I was about to go mad with boredom.
Grace Van Pelt: Don't say "hooray." Someone's died.
Patrick Jane: Well, if they have, my happiness makes no difference to them.

Well, love is not blind, it's often pretty stupid.

Kimball Cho: What is your work?
Marilyn Monroe: I'm Marilyn.
Kimball Cho: How's that your work?

Marshall Winston: How am I supposed to know who you are? You're bangin' on my doors, "CBI! CBI!" Like that's supposed to mean somethin'?
Kimball Cho: Yeah, we do need better brand awareness.

Patrick Jane: Arden, do you always follow your husband's lead? Do you never struggle against his desire to control?
Noah Plaskett: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: You drink too much. Doesn't mean you don't have a say. I should think he's at least half the reason you drink in the first place.

Rhonda Jaffe: I've got nothing else to say without my lawyer.
Patrick Jane: You don't need to say anything. I knew it was you from the start.
Kimball Cho: Thanks for sharing.

Wayne Rigsby: If I had a date, I'd tell you about it.
Kimball Cho: Yeah.
Wayne Rigsby: I would. Tell you anything you'd want to know.
Kimball Cho: You ever gonna man up and make a move on Van Pelt?
Wayne Rigsby: Fine! Don't tell me.

Grace Van Pelt: I'm not saying volunteering is better work but it makes me feel better. I see people smiling because of what I've done. There's something, I don't know, joyous in it. How often do we see people smile in this job?
Kimball Cho: Leaving out crazy, never.

Listen about the other thing. It's... I, uh... maybe it's not the right time.

If you stopped seeing the world in terms of what you like and what you dislike, and saw things for what they truly are in themselves, you would find a great deal more peace in your life.

Kimball Cho: Bosco's team calls us "Bert and Ernie."
Wayne Rigsby: You knew that, and you didn't say anything?
Kimball Cho: I knew it'd bother you.
Wayne Rigsby: Doesn't bother you?
Kimball Cho: No. Ernie's the clever, handsome one.

No blindfold. It's not good. Means they don't care if she sees anything.

This is Special Agent Cho. We've got agents down, on the fifth floor. Yes, inside the building! We are on lockdown on my authority. I have three agents down. I need EMT's. Roll SWAT, SAC PD, and CHP. And have them set up a perimeter. Suspects may still be here. JUST LOCK THIS PLACE DOWN!

Kimball Cho: Which one's ours?
Teresa Lisbon: The one that looks like she blows her nose with hundred dollar bills.
Kimball Cho: They all look like that.

Grace Van Pelt: Is this all it's going to be? Sneaking around all the time, afraid someone's going to find out.
Wayne Rigsby: No. It's just the bureau rules. Rules are rules, right?
Grace Van Pelt: Maybe I'm sick of the rules.

Grace Van Pelt: What are you guys looking for?
Wayne Rigsby: A diamond.
Kimball Cho: What'd he do?
Wayne Rigsby: Hit it with a fire extinguisher.
Kimball Cho: Of course.

Jupiter: It's the biggest day of their lives, don't you get that?
Teresa Lisbon: Barney Sloop had his head bashed in, Mr. Gallegos. Big day for him too.

Terence Badali: I panicked. As soon as you told me they were dead. I knew you were gonna blame me. And my brain said just run.
Kimball Cho: Your brain's a fool.

It's horribly obvious when people are in a relationship. Impossible to hide, try though they might.

Mike Brewster: You don't like being asked questions, do you? The team as a whole seems to have a problem with that.
Kimball Cho: Is that a question?

Hey Cho... Oh no... Oh great. No. No, you can handle this one. Just be clear that the CBI is not liable. He is just a consultant.

Teresa Lisbon: That's expensive, huh?
Kimball Cho: $300,000 retail. Probably get a discount now though.

Kimball Cho: When I learned he had been killed, I didn't want to admit that... maybe he had turned his life around. Because that would mean that I let him down.
Kimball Cho: I'm sorry, Mrs. Seung. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

Kimball Cho: You're not getting enough sex with Van Pelt.
Wayne Rigsby: Hey. Shh. We don't talk about that.

Arliss St. Germain: We eat together. We work together. We're comrades.
Kimball Cho: Something to add Ms Diaz?
Hannah Diaz: Dude, if we're such comrades, why'd you try and steal Jeff's Sous Chef?

Wayne Rigsby: Anything to be looking out for in particular?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, uh, one of them released a lethal super virus that could kill half the state of California. So I guess we're looking for someone with a prior background as an evil supervillain.
Kimball Cho: Ok.
Teresa Lisbon: ...That last part was a joke.
Kimball Cho: Yeah. We get it.

Wayne Rigsby: Like I said it's complicated.
Kimball Cho: No it isn't. Which do you want more: job or Van Pelt?
Wayne Rigsby: What? It's - it's not that easy.
Kimball Cho: Sure it is.

Kimball Cho: Hypnosis? Great plan.
Patrick Jane: No, that would be silly. Hypnosis is illegal. That was a misdirect so that I could search his jacket pockets, and find this.
Kimball Cho: A button, fluff, and some sand?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It's a little anticlimactic Um... do you have an evidence baggie?
Kimball Cho: You're walking home

Kimball Cho: The bombing attempt. We've got your phone records. Slam dunk. 20 years.
Patrick Jane: Two decades. 7,000 days living in a box. I don't know how people do it.

Adrian Mosca: Uh sure. CBI? No problem. Uh look, I'm in my skivies. So uh, give me a second to get presentable okay?
Kimball Cho: Think he's going to put his pants on before he hits the window?
Wayne Rigsby: No, I do not.

Wayne Rigsby: So would you ever, uh... you know?
Kimball Cho: Pay for sex? No.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah. It's weird right?
Kimball Cho: Weird, no. Expensive.

No, I don't want to hear your plan, sheep-dip your plan.

Teresa Lisbon: Where is Mrs. Dublin?
Kimball Cho: Yeah, she cries a lot. Then she has to freshen her makeup. Then she cries again. Sort of a cycle.

Kimball Cho: Someone was looking for somethin'.
Wayne Rigsby: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Kimball Cho: Three hours of brooding silence, and then sarcasm. It's like we're married.
Wayne Rigsby: Sorry, Cho. It's just Special Agent Craig O'Laughlin and his chopper. What does she see in that guy, anyway?
Kimball Cho: Ivy League degree in criminology, six years in the 101st Airborne, and a black belt in wushu from a REAL Shaolin temple.
Wayne Rigsby: Thanks, buddy.

Patrick Jane: Fool to herself - that girl. It was never going to work.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be so cynical.

Delinda Lecure: I should have stayed. I should have tried to help him.
Kimball Cho: You do what's right for you, okay?

Raymond tubbs: You don't understand there's *honor* among us race warriors. Loyalty. Brotherhood.
Kimball Cho: Yeah. Right.
Raymond tubbs: What do you mean "Yeah. Right?"
Kimball Cho: It means you're wasting my time. There are no arayan warriors out there awaiting your orders. You're a sad little man alone in box, living on delusions of grandieur.

Teresa Lisbon: More cases?
Kimball Cho: Complaints. I went down to the outreach officer in community relations and asked if they had a file on Jane.
Teresa Lisbon: Looks like there's more than one.
Kimball Cho: He has his own filing cabinet.

Kimball Cho: I don't want to talk about your feelings.
Wayne Rigsby: Good, neither do I.

Wes Attwood: Hey now, I didn't kill anybody. I mean, I'm a killer salesman, but I'm not a killer.
Kimball Cho: Ask yourself if this is the right moment for humor, Mr. Attwood.

Wayne Rigsby: Oh yeah, a little carne asada, after we check out the warehouse. Muy bien.
Kimball Cho: No.
Wayne Rigsby: Why not?
Kimball Cho: I don't wanna cross hobo alley to order lunch from a truck that's near the sewage ditch under the freeway.
Wayne Rigsby: But there's tacos.

Kimball Cho: Listen boss.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't call me "boss." I'm not your boss. You're my boss.

Wayne Rigsby: So listen, delicate question.
Kimball Cho: Yes.
Wayne Rigsby: Thursday quiz nights: strictly no bosses as you know. Should we give your spot to Lisbon? Feels kind of weird.
Kimball Cho: Do what you feel is right.
Wayne Rigsby: Or should we just hang on to your spot - in case you screw up.
Wayne Rigsby: It's just a joke.
Kimball Cho: Yeah, funny.
Wayne Rigsby: You're gonna make a Hell of a boss, man. I'm already scared of you.

Kimball Cho: Why did you tell Peregrine Hartley to lie to us, sir?
Nathan Vella: I didn't tell her to lie. I asked Peregrine not to raise certain irrelevant information.

Wayne Rigsby: What do you think of these dating services anyway?
Kimball Cho: No then yes.
Wayne Rigsby: What?
Kimball Cho: No, I've never used one. And yes, you should.
Wayne Rigsby: What? Because you're cool and I'm not?
Kimball Cho: Anything to stop you from dating your co-workers.

Check on the girlfriend. She's got no real alibi other than being a hippie.

Kimball Cho: Did the inmates know what Walton was doing?
C.O. Earls: The inmates know everything - more than me.

You know that game kids play: "My dad can beat up your dad?" No one ever played that with me.

Kimball Cho: I'll call LaRoche.
Teresa Lisbon: No. No. No. Don't!
Kimball Cho: Why not? It's his case.
Patrick Jane: We gotta get out of here now! Fix it with SAC PD we were never here.

Wayne Rigsby: How you doing? You good?
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah, I'm fine.
Kimball Cho: Two days ago, you shot and killed your fiancée. You can't be fine.

Ray Haffner: I read Jane's file. I know what's going to happen. He's gonna go behind my back. Lie to me. Run a scam on me, right?
Kimball Cho: Pretty much.

Hey. How you doing? You're under arrest for the attempted murder of... everybody. Turn around. Put your hands on your head.

Patrick Jane: The truth hurts, I know. It's biologically based actually. Our brains process sound faster than they do light, but light moves faster than sound. So the brain is constantly shifting reality so the world syncs up.
Doc Dugan: What does that have to do with anything?
Patrick Jane: This: only when someone is standing 30 yards away do we see and hear the world exactly as it is. That's when your brain, sound and light are all in perfect harmony.
Doc Dugan: So?
Patrick Jane: The rest of the time we are living in a world of lies. Lies are what make the world make sense. Ergo, the truth hurts.

Kimball Cho: Welcome to the future.
Luther Wainwright: They promised us jet packs and gave us compromised investigations.

Kimball Cho: You don't help us because you like us.
Patrick Jane: I don't like you?
Kimball Cho: Well, you don't NOT like us. But you have deeper reasons for helping people. Without those reasons you're a hustler.

Teresa Lisbon: What can you get for $127.68?
Kimball Cho: You can go crazy at the Olive Garden.

Kimball Cho: What secret?
Summer Edgecombe: Cost you a Thousand dollars to find out
Kimball Cho: A Thousand dollars?
Summer Edgecombe: and dinner at a nice restaurant.
Kimball Cho: $500 and a pizza.
Summer Edgecombe: $600, no mushrooms.
Kimball Cho: Deal.
Summer Edgecombe: I hate mushrooms.

Grace Van Pelt: You know kids used to call me Bracie Gracie because I wore braces until I was 17. What did people call you?
Kimball Cho: Cho.

Teresa Lisbon: What about Meadows' sister?
Kimball Cho: She's at Clearview, the Visualize college.
Teresa Lisbon: Visualize has a college?
Kimball Cho: Apparently, you major in yourself.

Lao-tzu said that if you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession.

Now like I say, there's no such thing as psychics. Let's be clear about that. But the human mind is amazingly powerful. It can do things for real that sometimes feel like magic.

Isaac Goodwin: Marcus. What - we thought you were kidnapped!
Patrick Jane: Well, not all of us.

Patrick Jane: See that face? That's exactly why I didn't tell you the plan.
Teresa Lisbon: It's not a good plan.
Patrick Jane: It's a good enough plan and Rigsby is wearing one of those ear thingies, I will talk him through the con. He'll be fine.
Teresa Lisbon: What if the killer doesn't show up?
Patrick Jane: Then we go back to old fashion police work. But this way we get to enjoy some room service. Please, have a seat.

I got to get out of here.

Lisbon, it's over. It's done. I just want you to know I'm okay. I'm gonna miss you.

Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do so worse things don't happen.

Patrick Jane: Did they put a chip in your neck?
Kimball Cho: Not that I know of. Why do you ask?
Patrick Jane: Well, you just don't seem too happy to see me.
Kimball Cho: I am happy to see you. I just wish it was under different circumstances.
Patrick Jane: Why's that?
Kimball Cho: I don't think you and the FBI are gonna get along very well. I don't think they really understand how you operate.
Patrick Jane: Eh. They'll loosen up once they get to know me.

You were difficult and exhausting and maybe I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold to be your sidekick.

Kim Fischer: He made fools of us.
Kimball Cho: It won't be the last time.

Oh, you're helping, by going on a date.

Dennis Abbott: We can't arrest people under false pretenses.
Patrick Jane: We can't?
Dennis Abbott , Kim Fischer: No.
Patrick Jane: Why not?
Kim Fischer: It's illegal.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Well, that's a problem.

Patrick Jane: The point is there's a coded message here.
Kimball Cho: Or doodles.

Kimball Cho: You did good work today, but Abbott says he never approved you leaving the office. You said he did. Did you lie to me?
Michelle Vega: Sir, I...
Kimball Cho: Answer the question.
Michelle Vega: Yes. I'm sorry. I know that... I just got excited, I guess, and I thought that I'd be a lot more help...
Kimball Cho: That's not your call. Now, I can't work with someone I can't trust.
Michelle Vega: You can trust me.
Kimball Cho: No, I can't. You're not going out in the field with me again.
Michelle Vega: For how long?
Kimball Cho: We'll see.

Teresa Lisbon: Do you want to dance?
Patrick Jane: Here? In front of everyone?
Teresa Lisbon: Sure.
Patrick Jane: Okay. One dance.
Teresa Lisbon: Two.
Patrick Jane: Everything is a negotiation with you.

You really think I would set you up so nicely and let you pull a loaded gun on me?... I took the bullets out earlier.

You checked luggage? What are you, on vacation?

Patrick Jane: Closed case donuts are here.
Patrick Jane: I just went to get sleeping pills, I swear to god. I... I didn't even want to go. You know I didn't want to go.
Grace Van Pelt: Right.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, you didn't set Wagner up. Didn't figure it was him days ago.
Kimball Cho: You didn't let us tear apart the victim's family simply to satisfy your childish need for drama.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, that family was screwed, anyway. Don't blame yourselves, guys.

Grace Van Pelt: "Greetings, old friend. It's been a while. I hope you are keeping well. I am thriving and happy. I have twelve wives now and will soon begin courting number thirteen. Why can't you catch me? You must feel so powerless and stupid and sad. Oh, well. All the best. Red John."
Kimball Cho: That sounds like the real deal to me.
Patrick Jane: Sounds like Red John. It's not. Red John wouldn't risk capture just to taunt me.

Patrick Jane: I was sure the chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.
Teresa Lisbon: The chef? Malcolm. Why do you think it's him?
Patrick Jane: He uses way too much butter.
Teresa Lisbon: Say...
Patrick Jane: He's a gluttonous baby. He's self-indulgent. He wants what he wants and he takes it.
Teresa Lisbon: Too much butter.
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: It's fascinating the way your mind works. One thing, though. Malcolm was in the kitchen with twenty people when Melanie was taken. He couldn't have done it.
Patrick Jane: Hang on. There... there... there is a way he could.
Teresa Lisbon: Forgive me if I can't stay for more of your theorizing, but I've got to go and see if I can save your colleagues from getting formal complaints in their files.

Wayne Rigsby: So, what were you planning to do if Lisbon hadn't stopped him?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I didn't bother to formulate. I - I knew she'd stop him.

Grace Van Pelt: I don't get it. She actually enjoyed helping him kill. One crazy, evil person I understand, but two? Husband and wife? Marriage is supposed to be a sacred, loving thing.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, they were soul-mates in their own strange way.

We don't discuss our personal lives in this unit. It's not useful and it's unprofessional.

No wife should glow at her husband's funeral.

Virgil Minelli: What were you thinking? Leaving this man alone at an event like that?
Teresa Lisbon: No excuses. I mistakenly treated him like a responsible adult.

Wayne Rigsby: I look around, I don't see anyone here who could torture a man to death with pliers and a lit cigar.
Patrick Jane: Picture them naked and ravenously hungry.

Grace Van Pelt: Adrianna, we can charge you right now with burglary, vandalism, assault with a deadly weapon. That's 10 to 15 right there. Wouldn't you rather talk to us about your situation?
Adrianna Jonovic: From you, I buy cookies. I don't talk about situation.

Wherever you go until you know the truth of what happened, you will be haunted. Until you see Kara's death redeemed, you will be haunted. You have to know the truth.

Teresa Lisbon: Hey.
Patrick Jane: Pineapple. He smelled like pineapple.
Teresa Lisbon: Pineapple? What the hell? Go -
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. Good. Listen, tell Rigsby, Teresa needs help.

Teresa Lisbon: Your people are carny folk? You're finally making sense to me.
Patrick Jane: Not exactly, it's a long story.

Patrick Jane: Why so glum? Case is a case.
Wayne Rigsby: We're in the middle of nowhere. Windy as hell. I haven't eaten anything. Dismemberments are a bitch! You spend months assembling the victim. There's always a piece missing!

Patrick Jane: I got us a table booked at the best restaurant in town. Apparently they tell you the name of the cow your steak came from.
Grace Van Pelt: That's horrible!

Mm. I smell dead people.

Clara Tennant: She said that she would protect us... She promised my dad that she would. Parents are supposed to protect their kids!
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, they are.

Teresa Lisbon: Play nice, Van Pelt's entitled to her opinion.
Patrick Jane: Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny.
Wayne Rigsby: Who said there's no Easter Bunny?

Virgil Minelli: Now we're arresting them. Hooray.
Teresa Lisbon: We have the right. He assaulted Jane and he looks good for the murders.
Virgil Minelli: Before you charge a cop with murder, he better look better than good. He better look like damn the Mona Lisa.

Patrick Jane: It's nice to be nice. But if you want to get ahead in life, sometimes you have to be a bitch. I know you know how.
Grace Van Pelt: Gee, thanks.
Patrick Jane: It's all about the balance, Grace. Yin, Yang. Nice, bitch. Little bit of bitch inside the nice, a little bit of nice inside the bitch.
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah, I'll work on that.
Patrick Jane: Keep 'em guessin'.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane, we're officers of the law.
Patrick Jane: You are. I don't care about the law. I care about justice. And justice says Machado deserves to suffer.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not justice, it's vengeance.
Patrick Jane: What's the difference?

Wayne Rigsby: Oh the "mummy" I get it. Bandages.
Teresa Lisbon: Hey. No more pain killers for him.

It's not that I don't like you. I do. It's just - we work together. And there are rules. And if... we were to get together, one of us would have to leave the unit, and I'm junior agent. So that would be me. And this job is so important to me and...

In the future, I hope your love life is a little more peaceful. And if it's not, and the next lover turns out dead again, do me a favor? Don't call me.

Virgil Minelli: Jared Renfrew was tried and convicted. It's a closed case. I have no authority to reopen it without cause.
Patrick Jane: There is cause.
Virgil Minelli: For you there's cause. Not for the State of California.

Teresa Lisbon: Just do me the favor of listening to me for a minute so I can say "I told you so" later.
Patrick Jane: Sure.

Janice Elkins: How could you be so cold?
Patrick Jane: Practice.

Teresa Lisbon: There's no such thing as black magic.
Patrick Jane: Somebody disagrees.

Coach Dieter: You made that sound like I'm a sex molester or something. I smacked a couple kids because they needed an attitude adjustment. Their panty-waist parents made an issue of it.
Wayne Rigsby: That's okay then?
Coach Dieter: That's football.

Wayne Rigsby: It's just a silly alternative lifestyle: like Star Trek or yoga.
Grace Van Pelt: I do yoga.

Patrick Jane: I showed you my identification to discourage you from killing me or torturing me or something. You might not get arrested for it, but you sure will make some kind of fuss.
Shirali Arlov: I don't mind fuss. Anything to avoid boredom.

Teresa Lisbon: I wanna get Harry Lashley's killer as much as you do. But we cannot go after Arlov. The State Department...
Patrick Jane: A fig to the State Department.
Wayne Rigsby: I agree. Screw 'em.
Teresa Lisbon: That attitude is why *I'm* in charge and you guys aren't.

Rob Wallace: [thinks Jane and Grace are engaged] Ok I'm just going to say it. Are you sure about marrying this guy? I mean, he kind of appears to be a jerk. I mean - no offense.
Grace Van Pelt: Oh no. Yes. I'm not marrying him. That's no. Don't worry about that. Not gonna happen.

There's no business like Cho business!

Teresa Lisbon: Do you keep a list of your pickups?
Paul Fricke: Yeah, of course. I have them here.
Paul Fricke: Names, numbers, and a one-to-10 grading system.
Teresa Lisbon: Nice. Something to show your grandkids.

Patrick Jane: You hate to lose, don't you?
Patience Broadbent: Yes, unlike all those many people that love it.

Victor Castillo: The make believe was a bit unorthodox, unpleasant, but - I'm sure you all know what you're doing.
Teresa Lisbon: Most of the time.

Grace Van Pelt: Boss?
Teresa Lisbon: Hmm?
Grace Van Pelt: I've been here nearly six months now. Almost half a year.
Teresa Lisbon: What do you want? Half a cake?

I'll do worse if you don't stop mouthing off to people who are trying to help you.

Grace Van Pelt: And no offense, but why does my personal life have any concern to you... Or Rigsby, for that matter?
Patrick Jane: Who me? I'm just nosy. But Rigsby, he loves you... He's just scared of emotional committment. And you're attracted to him, but you're deeply repressed and emotionally shutdown.

Teresa Lisbon: Know what's weird about those guys? None of them seem to give a damn. A colleague of theirs falls out of the sky and they seem okay with it. Is that guilt or indifference?
Patrick Jane: Corporate brainwashing.

I allow you to drive me around the country in this contraption. That's serious trust.

Oh, I'm impressed, Lindsay. There's not three people in the world that could have done an induction on a cop, but Rigsby's guard was up when he was with Dr. Daniel and Carl. And you? You just crept through the cracks, you sneaky little mouse.

I didn't eat all this cheese and grease for nothing. The case is closed. You're just seeing suggestions everywhere. You're too suggestible.

Patrick Jane: Didn't Rick Tiegler's black-out strike you as weird?
Wayne Rigsby: Why? He got drunk, he blacked out, he killed someone. Who hasn't been there?
Wayne Rigsby: ... Kidding.

Teresa Lisbon: That was your weed and your pills we found in the car, wasn't it?
Sydney Hanson: You're the man, you figure it out.

Teresa Lisbon: Mrs. Didrikson, we're with the California Bureau of Investigation. Put the gun down.
Gina Russo: California Bureau of my ass! You get the hell out of here; I will shoot you.
Teresa Lisbon: This is my cell phone. I am gonna dial 911, and we will get uniform policemen here and they will sort everything out. In the meantime, we'll all relax.
Gina Russo: Screw you! I'm gonna count to ten, and then I'm gonna start shooting. One! Two!
Patrick Jane: Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, get off the phone.
Gina Russo: Three!
Patrick Jane: I think I know what we have here.
Gina Russo: Four!
Teresa Lisbon: I've got a situation.
Gina Russo: Five! Six!
Patrick Jane: I think Didrikson used to work for the mob and went into witness protection. I think that's why he's out here.

Teresa Lisbon: What'd you learn?
Patrick Jane: Well, she's scared, she's of Italian descent, she bites her nails, she doesn't like pets or pineapple.
Teresa Lisbon: Useful stuff.

Your son died bravely. He saved a young girl in trouble. You should be very proud.

Orrin, we can let this or or we can take it to the next level. And that's going to involve your parents and lawyers.

Wayne Rigsby: Can I ask you something? Would you - have you ever read your coworker's personnel files
Grace Van Pelt: Uh. No. Why?
Wayne Rigsby: No. Good. Neither did I.

I've had it with you and your egotistical crap! This - this isn't about justice or the law. This is about you and your wounded pride. I'm done with it!

Patrick Jane: Oh, hi. Sam Bosco here, CBI Major Crimes Program. Question: how do I go about changing my use access passcode? I got strong reason to believe it's been compromised.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, great. Sure. Sure, I can hold.

Van Pelt, it's not a jet plane!

Wayne Rigsby: This is exactly the kind of stuff that Boss was talking about. She didn't okay this at all, did she?
Patrick Jane: So shoot me.

Grace Van Pelt: No drug paraphernalia, no condoms or other items suggesting prostitution. So maybe a personal crime. A husband or lover.
Patrick Jane: Bravo, Grace. Wrong, I expect, but very well reasoned nonetheless.

It's lovely to meet you doc, you're a horse's ass, but you mean well. I'll be in van.

Dr. Roy Carmen: Do you know why counseling is mandatory for CBI agents who have been involved in a shooting?
Teresa Lisbon: Because nobody would come if it was voluntary?

Sam Bosco: Well that's pretty good. You should get an act together. Can you do Barbara Streissand.
Patrick Jane: Don't tempt me.

You were right doctor, there was something I wanted to tell you. I act calm on the outside but on the inside, I'm so angry sometimes I think I'm gonna explode. All the misery and pain that I see everyday makes me wanna scream, but I lock it down. I lock it down because I have to be calm and rational because that's my job, but I wanna pull this trigger. I wanna kill.

Grace Van Pelt: How 'bout you give us a statement, maybe help yourself?
Milton Howard: How 'bout you kiss me? You're pretty.
Grace Van Pelt: So are you. Compared to most state prison inmates.

Teresa Lisbon: It's good to see you care.
Patrick Jane: You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

Wayne Rigsby: Jimmy locks on the doorknob.
Kimball Cho: I doubt that was part of the original decor.

Deputy Nick Fisher: What's this guy's problem?
Teresa Lisbon: That would take way too long to answer.

Wayne Rigsby: Grace, I love you. I've loved you from the first moment I met you. Screw the rules. Screw CBI. I need you.
Grace Van Pelt: I... uh- that's... um
Wayne Rigsby: Unless you stop me, I'm going to kiss you now.

Virgil Minelli: Lisbon. I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that Jane escaped the County Jail. I dreamt that the Sheriff, the AG, and the District Super all called to yell at me. Now, you're going to wake me up, yes?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry, sir. I have no excuse for him. He is beyond out of line.

Wayne Rigsby: Local P. D. Stomped all over the scene. Don't think forensics will be any use.
Teresa Lisbon: It's like they don't even watch TV. Every toddler knows this stuff.

Wayne Rigsby: I feel like Jane knows about us.
Grace Van Pelt: No, he doesn't. How would he know?
Wayne Rigsby: I know we've been cool. It's just... it feels like he knows.
Grace Van Pelt: You're being paranoid.
Wayne Rigsby: Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean Jane doesn't know.

What you can accomplish is irrelevant. But if you are absent in this moment, you will regret it for the rest of what will be miserable life. That's all. See you.

You know what? Jane's not the problem. You are. You're so stuck on the idea that he's not a cop that you can't see what he is. You know how many cases he's closed for us? You think he's giving me bad habits? I think he's made me a better cop.

Grace Van Pelt: Wayne?
Wayne Rigsby: What?
Grace Van Pelt: One thing...
Wayne Rigsby: What was that for?
Grace Van Pelt: Next time, wear your vest.
Wayne Rigsby: Okay.
Grace Van Pelt: I mean it!
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, I believe you.

I want you to think of this before you go to sleep. You are nothing to him, but a useful object. He is not a good man.

You think that Sam Bosco's gonna let a little lead stop him? Please.

This is the justice department. Who's gonna steal it here?

Well I'm just saying be careful. That you sell your talent and not your soul. Don't let other people run your lives not even your dad. And trust me I know what I'm talking about.

Wayne Rigsby: $20 million, that's a pretty good motive. $20 million - I'd kill you.
Grace Van Pelt: Oh, really?
Wayne Rigsby: No. I mean, um, kidding. It's a joke.

Grace Van Pelt: My sister, she was just like you.
Leslie: Look, I don't - I don't want to hear this.
Grace Van Pelt: She wanted it to be over - for *her*. It was always about her. She could've talked to me.
Leslie: About what?
Grace Van Pelt: About anything. I'm her sister. But she didn't. Not to anybody. She just ended it for her.

School would be so much more fun if they started the day with this every morning instead of the Pledge of Allegiance. Or maybe they could just integrate the two into the Dance of Allegiance.

Grant: Stephanie? Oh my God. You look fantastic.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry. I'm not Stephanie. I'm...
Patrick Jane: Whoa.
Teresa Lisbon: Do that again and I'll arrest you!
Grant: Sorry, I had to. You've always been the one.

Wayne Rigsby: You want me to memorize everything we have on all sixty-seven alumni that showed up to the reunion?
Patrick Jane: Yes, I do.
Wayne Rigsby: And how would I do that?
Patrick Jane: It's easy. You build a memory palace.

Grace Van Pelt: A little old to be necking, aren't they?
Patrick Jane: There's an age limit on that?

Teresa Lisbon: You guys look into this Jasper character.
Patrick Jane: Don't bother, he's a red herring.
Grace Van Pelt: What does it mean anyway? "A red herring?"
Teresa Lisbon: A red herring is what you look into regardless of what Jane tells you.

Wayne Rigsby: So, uh, guys. I have something to say.
Grace Van Pelt: We have something to say.
Wayne Rigsby: Uh, life's too short for dishonest. Van P... Grace and I are... lovers.

Grace Van Pelt: I've learned about myself as well as about other people. Stuff I wish I didn't know sometimes.
Mike Brewster: Stuff like?
Grace Van Pelt: Why people do bad things do to one another. It's mainly because of secrets. Trying to hide the truth chips away at your spirit. Secrets... ruin relationships.

Well, uh, at least no one got hurt... It's a terrible color any way... Uh, I'll get you a new one... Sorry.

Wayne Rigsby: I-I-I meant stupid if we got married today.
Grace Van Pelt: But what about tomorrow? I mean long term, where are we going?
Wayne Rigsby: Uh, do we have to discuss this right now?
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah! We probably should have done it before we announced our relationship and I endangered my job!
Wayne Rigsby: My job's on the line too!
Grace Van Pelt: That's not what you said before!

Elise Chaye: I like putting faces to names. Um, I have to ask you. Patrick Jane...
Patrick Jane: Over here.
Elise Chaye: Oh. Hi.
Patrick Jane: Hi.
Elise Chaye: I thought he'd look scarier.

Eliza Green: Just bring me to a hospital!
Patrick Jane: No. Hospital's terrible. Germ factories. You don't want to go there.
Eliza Green: Are you insane?

Abigail Barge: Tell Mr. Jane, he's a mean, irresponsible sadist.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, I will.

Wayne Rigsby: Why are we here? We don't know if it's a murder.
Teresa Lisbon: One of the chefs called her daddy who's a state senator, who called the AG, who called the assistant AG, who called me. So we're here. I hate politics.

Chocolate and grief is a good combination. You should try it. It'll taste so much... deeper more intense. Everything will feel that way for a while. You'll feel more alive. You should probably try to hold on to that feeling as long as you can. It's a gift.

Teresa Lisbon: Don't you have anybody you want to call besides Cho and Rigsby?
Patrick Jane: If I were dying, I'd want to call you, but you're already here, so there's no need.

Victor Bandino: Real fancy résumé, this guy. Graduated from Eton and Oxford. Last employer was some hot-shot prep school back east.
Patrick Jane: Eh, I wouldn't be so sure.
Victor Bandino: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: The facial scar. Eton boy gets a cut on his head, he needs a plastic surgeon he gets a plastic surgeon. My guess, the whole résumé's a fairy tale.
Victor Bandino: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: You're excused.

Patrick Jane: Sorry. She's a little cranky. New boss coming.
Teresa Lisbon: Enough with that!

You think being a cop is stressful? Trying being a cop in prison.

Wayne Rigsby: There's nobody here. We can lock the door. Nobody's looking.
Wayne Rigsby: Come on.
Grace Van Pelt: We're on duty.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah. I know. Totally wrong.
Wayne Rigsby: Come on.

Well, that's okay, then. As long as you're sorry. Maybe we'll just let you go... Kidding.

Dolores Brinton: Will the Tribal Police be with you?
Teresa Lisbon: They're aware of the investigation. We'll keep them in the loop.
Dolores Brinton: I should go with you.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not necessary.
Dolores Brinton: As far as some of them are concerned, you're foreigners. Foreigners with badges. You won't get anything. I'll get my coat.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. Well, we've got ourselves a native guide.

Wayne Rigsby: Any reports of crime on the trails? Robberies, assaults?
Ranger Tisdale: No, just raccoons, birds, deer. Rattlesnakes, bear.
Wayne Rigsby: I don't think a bear shot four people with a high-powered rifle.

Madeleine Hightower: [to Rigsby, Van Pelt & Lisbon] You work together, you develop feelings. Nothing wrong with that. But you know very well it's against CBI rules, and like I tell my kids: rules are rules. If you want to stay together that's your choice, but one of you has to transfer out of the unit. If you both want to stay in the unit, then you can't be together. That's what it is. Give me your decision by tomorrow at the latest... Questions?
Grace Van Pelt: No ma'am.

It's not a deterrent really. It's - it's revenge really. I mean, that's not a criticism, cause I'm all about revenge. I mean revenge can be very productive.

Teresa Lisbon: No food, no water. This is not good.
Patrick Jane: Well, I suppose we should draw straws to see who eats who first.

Teresa Lisbon: Anybody see anything?
Wayne Rigsby: Well, we've got an SFPD cam, but so far nothing. Just an average night.
Patrick Jane: Average night, average neighborhood, average murder. Why are we here?

Hello Heather Evans. You're very attractive. It's probably why your name's not on that list. Good looking women, they live in a different world.

Bret Stiles: You know, now I see why... Red John really enjoys sparring with you. A worth adversary.
Patrick Jane: Straight for the jugular.
Teresa Lisbon: Obviously struck a nerve.

Oliver: How did he die?
Patrick Jane: Gunshot wound, which, uh, suggests it wasn't the quantum lords that killed him.
Oliver: Duh. They'd use a lorax beam.

Teresa Lisbon: Your file says that you finished college at 16, graduate school at 19. You were sent here after nearly choking your father to death.
Oliver: He's not my father. He's a cyber clone sent by the galactic quantum lords.
Patrick Jane: Oh, them. You know, they're always up to something shady.

Adrian Mosca: Uh sure. CBI? No problem. Uh look, I'm in my skivies. So uh, give me a second to get presentable okay?
Kimball Cho: Think he's going to put his pants on before he hits the window?
Wayne Rigsby: No, I do not.

Patrick Jane: He can recall foliage from his wedding day, but he can't tell you who killed him?
Kristina Frye: Crossing over to the other side can be confusing. It's a bit like waking up from anesthia. Sometimes it can take awhile to get real clarity.

Patrick Jane: Oh sweetheart. There you are. Join us. I got us a room and our friend here.
Novella: Novella.
Patrick Jane: Novella. She's going to help us explore some boundaries.
Teresa Lisbon: No, she's not.
Patrick Jane: Work with me Teresa.

Patrick Jane: Dylan. Ruth. We need to talk.
Dylan: Thank you very much for totally ruining a freaking brilliant scene, jerk!

Teresa Lisbon: You should make that call.
Patrick Jane: What call?
Teresa Lisbon: Right, like I'm not a detective too.

Teresa Lisbon: We're family! What you're doing is a kind of betrayal, a surrender, a defeat. You're letting Red John win!
Patrick Jane: Oh please. Please, really? Okay enough. All right. No more pulling away. All right? Here, give me a hug.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't mean it. I can tell.
Patrick Jane: What do you mean? You can't tell. I don't mean it, but you can't tell that I don't. You're guessing.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, I can tell.
Patrick Jane: How?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. I can tell when you're lying.
Patrick Jane: You can't.
Teresa Lisbon: I can too.
Patrick Jane: That' nonsense. You're lying. Liar, liar pants on fire.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not lying.
Patrick Jane: You are.

Wayne Rigsby: 12 cents, seriously?
Grace Van Pelt: What? She cleaned me out.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, of 12 cents.

No no no no no you're going about it all wrong detective, you're coming straight outta the gate with bad cop. I mean, you do a good bad cop, you are intimidating, I'm not gonna lie to you. But-but now let's bring good cop out. He's nicer, more pleasant, we build a rapport, you... maybe you say something like "are you thirsty?" and I say "I'd love a cup of tea."

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Teresa Lisbon: You--come on. Let's talk.
Vigilance Guard 1: Before we do, can I just ask: are you happy in your lives?
Teresa Lisbon: Sit down!

Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, that sounds great. I can make it there by 7:00.
Wayne Rigsby: Listen, I have to go. I'll speak to you later. Okay, bye.
Grace Van Pelt: If you're seeing "Traffic on the 50" tonight, you think she could set her alarm a little earlier?

Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, that sounds great. I can make it there by 7:00.
Wayne Rigsby: Listen, I have to go. I'll speak to you later. Okay, bye.
Grace Van Pelt: If you're seeing "Traffic on the 50" tonight, you think she could set her alarm a little earlier?

Patrick Jane: Was it worth it?
Max Winter: Was what worth it?
Patrick Jane: The man that killed your wife no longer exists. The time you took pursuing him, the pain, the sacrifice. Was it worth it?
Max Winter: Yes, it was.

Good thing for you, you're a terrible liar. It's all about the eye contact.

Wayne Rigsby: That's my card!
Wayne Rigsby: How did you do that?
Patrick Jane: Huh? What?
Medical Examiner: Card tricks? A man has lost his life. You should be ashamed of yourself.

You ever notice that... feeling, that physical unwell feeling you get when you know you should say or do something. Heart pounds. Headache. Backache... You can feel better immediately. If you tell the truth... right now.

Pauline: Agent, if my daughter comes to harm because you frittered away your time looking into her personal life, your career is over. Do you understand?
Teresa Lisbon: Ma'am, I understand your distress during this difficult time, but we'll go wherever this investigation takes us. It's my duty.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We have delivery from L Courtier. You want to open the door?
Patrick Jane: She's lying!
Grace Van Pelt: [Lisbon and Van Pelt burst in. Van Pelts puts cuffs on Daniella] Abby Fitzwilliams, you're under arrest!
Daniella: I'm not Abby.
Teresa Lisbon: Put your hands in the air now!
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, Grace, where's your manners? This is Danniella - Abby's best friend. Come in have a seat.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We have delivery from L Courtier. You want to open the door?
Patrick Jane: She's lying!
Grace Van Pelt: Abby Fitzwilliams, you're under arrest!
Daniella: I'm not Abby.
Teresa Lisbon: Put your hands in the air now!
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, Grace, where's your manners? This is Danniella - Abby's best friend. Come in have a seat.

Ladies and gentlemen, quick announcement: I'd like you to give a very warm welcome to Walter's new girlfriend, number one - Teresa Lisbon.

Walter Mashburn: So my friends say because you saved me that means you own me.
Teresa Lisbon: They have a return policy?

You want me to be sorry? Okay, I am sorry. I'm sorry that the loss of your father drove you mad. But I don't regret what I did to him. He was a thief and a murderer - and I did everything to catch him because that's who I am.

Uh, people are bored because nobody's been killed that needs our help. It's a good thing when homicide detectives are bored.

Wayne Rigsby: O'Laughlin.
Craig O'Laughlin: Yeah?
Wayne Rigsby: Don't hurt her.
Craig O'Laughlin: Or what?
Wayne Rigsby: Or you'll have to deal with me.

Todd, you repeat what I tell you now, and I will deny every word of it. If you truly want revenge, you have to be hard. You have to be dishonest and devious and cold. You can't let people see what's in your heart.

Teresa Lisbon: There's no upside to taking the law into your own hands. Revenge truly doesn't work.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's just a sweeping statement, isn't it? I'm sure we all can think of examples where revenge has worked splendidly.
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks for your input.
Patrick Jane: Just saying.

Patrick Jane: You old assistant to me where to find you. I need your help.
Virgil Minelli: Well, that's a twist. You never needed my help when I was your boss.

Patrick Jane: Chance has thrust away a very sordid and vexing problem. But have no fear.
Grace Van Pelt: We don't.
Teresa Lisbon: I do. What's your plan?

Len Artash: Sir, why are you staring at me like that?
Patrick Jane: I was staring? Oh, I'm so sorry. My mind was elsewhere.

Patrick Jane: I think you like getting beat up. A little masochistic streak there, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks for that. Thanks

Lisbon, yes. I ditched you. Uh, I must confess. Look at the bright side, I left you with a car this time... There's no need to be so grumpy, it's okay.

Speaking of mental facilities, have you seen Jane? I need to talk to him.

Dr. Montague: I don't need to conduct an analysis to see that you're still in love with someone else. The probability of us having a successful relationship is no more than 20%.
Wayne Rigsby: 20%?
Dr. Montague: Tops.

Patrick Jane: Well, I would like to pay this ticket - but under protest.
Zach Gladden: Nobody pays any other way.

Gale Bertram: Agent Lisbon, I-I just had a conversation with a reporter from the Examiner and he seemed to know a *lot* about the situation in Crane Creek. I told him that no matter what any unnamed source may say, CBI puts civilian safety first. And we are *not* bowing to local pressure to do otherwise. I also told him that authority in Crane Creek resides with our head agent in the field - you. I've let Bagshaw and his chief know that you're in charge.
Teresa Lisbon: Thank you, sir.
Gale Bertram: We'll discuss this again.

Wayne Rigsby: Well, maybe we'll get lucky. Catch a dunk. We're due an easy one.
Teresa Lisbon: Ugh, you shouldn't have said that.
Wayne Rigsby: Said what?
Teresa Lisbon: "We're due an easy one." Now we're jinxed.
Wayne Rigsby: Sorry.

Every time you breathe that breath of putrid smoke, remember this: this is a fat rich tobacco executive thinking what a fool you are every time you breathe that smoke. Laughing at you, with his fat jowels wobbing with glee. Do you see him?

Patrick Jane: It was self-defense.
Teresa Lisbon: Exactly, and if it was self-defense, she'll be acquitted.
Patrick Jane: Oh, and the courts never get it wrong. The system never chews people up.
Teresa Lisbon: We are the system, Jane. We get it right most of the time.

Grace Van Pelt: I thought you heard my news already. And I really wanted to tell you myself.
Grace Van Pelt: Craig asked me to marry him and I said yes.
Wayne Rigsby: That's... wonderful, Grace.
Wayne Rigsby: That's terrific news. He's a great guy.

Madeleine Hightower: I'm not angry.
Patrick Jane: Sure you are. Letting it out will be helpful, I guarantee. Shout. Scream. Hit something - preferably not me. It'll do you wonders.

Madeleine Hightower: I hope they weren't too much trouble.
Teresa Lisbon: Not at all. I have three nearly feral brothers. Kids are sweethearts.

Teresa Lisbon: Wow. When you boys decide to destroy a woman's reputation, you really go all out!
Gale Bertram: Lisbon, you're the one who just told me the Johnson and Montero murders were linked. Now we have evidence. If you're too close to this, let me know. And I'll move you off this investigation.
Teresa Lisbon: I'll be fine, sir.

She does the detecting and I do the insulting.

Patrick Jane: I'm off to the cafeteria for something deliciously suspended in gelatin.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not even going to ask you where you're really going. You want to know why?... I don't have to know.

Kimball Cho: Listen boss.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't call me "boss." I'm not your boss. You're my boss.

She does the detecting and I do the insulting.

Coroner Steiner: The only other time that I have been in a room like this was to examine a man who died accidentally in the middle of an auto-erotic ritual.
Patrick Jane: Well I bet he died with a smile on his face.

Yeah. Nothing like telling people their loved ones are dead. And oh by the way, lost the corpse.

Grace Van Pelt: Thousands of people say it's happened to them. They can't all be crazy or lying.
Patrick Jane: Mm hmm.
Grace Van Pelt: I'm just saying you should keep an open mind. You can't prove there aren't aliens.
Patrick Jane: That's true.

Patrick Jane: Erica, it's over. I'm sure of it.
Erica Flynn: Don't be. No everyone's as smart as you.

Patrick Jane: Did you know that in seven years, each and every cell is completely replaced in your body? That means you are literally a different person from when we first met.
Teresa Lisbon: Sadder but wiser.

Patrick Jane: I've got nothing
J.J. LaRoche: That's disappointing, something got you off your game, distracted?
Patrick Jane: No, not at all

Teresa Lisbon: What's going on with you? You've been acting strange since this case started.
Patrick Jane: Strange?
Patrick Jane: Strange how? Strange like
Patrick Jane: Or
Kimball Cho: Boss, Rigsby's
Kimball Cho: got something.

Okay, so yesterday you were bumming change. Here you are today with a thousand dollar handgun - nicely maintained. You can understand our puzzlement.

Memory is unreliable because the untrained brain has a crappy filing system. It takes everything that happens to you and throws it all willy-nilly into a big, dark closet. When you go in there looking for something, all you can find are the big, obvious things like when your mom died, or stuff that you don't really need, stuff that you're not looking for, like the words to "Copacabana." You can't find what you need. But don't panic, because it is still there.

Teresa Lisbon: I know about your dad. I'm your boss. Steven Robert Rigsby - convicted of manslaughter, assault, drug dealing. Your father was on the list, wasn't he?
Wayne Rigsby: I checked out his alibi. No special treatment. If you want to send someone else...
Teresa Lisbon: I trust you, Rigsby. However, if you *ever* come into contact with your father on a case, next time you bring somebody with you.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, okay.

Grace Van Pelt: Pretty good trick.
Wayne Rigsby: Yep. Always worked on my dad.

Patrick Jane: For you
Teresa Lisbon: Does it squirt water?
Patrick Jane: Nooo, no trick... Maybe just a little trick. Catch the killer
Teresa Lisbon: With a hydrangea?
Patrick Jane: Ya
Teresa Lisbon: How?
Patrick Jane: Well wouldn't that be spoiling the fun?
Teresa Lisbon: ...for you. Spoiling the fun for you
Patrick Jane: That's the fun that matters

D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: We're dropping charges against Lawrence Rome.
Kimball Cho: I see.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: Now, personally I think the alibi is bogus, but we had to interview the store owner again. Now he says, uh, maybe his ID was wrong. Maybe it wasn't Lawrence Rome. Whole thing's gone down the toilet. We had an agreement.
Kimball Cho: I agreed I shouldn't help. Didn't say I wouldn't.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: From now on, you get nothing from the D.A.'s office. No favors, no help. Not just you, but every agent in this unit. You have screwed things for your people, my friend. Six months from now, Lawrence Rome'll be back inside for ripping off another liquor store, his kid'll be be back in foster care, and the South Side Mafia will be stronger than ever.
Kimball Cho: You're wrong.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: You want to bet on that?

D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: We're dropping charges against Lawrence Rome.
Kimball Cho: I see.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: Now, personally I think the alibi is bogus, but we had to interview the store owner again. Now he says, uh, maybe his ID was wrong. Maybe it wasn't Lawrence Rome. Whole thing's gone down the toilet. We had an agreement.
Kimball Cho: I agreed I shouldn't help. Didn't say I wouldn't.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: From now on, you get nothing from the D.A.'s office. No favors, no help. Not just you, but every agent in this unit. You have screwed things for your people, my friend. Six months from now, Lawrence Rome'll be back inside for ripping off another liquor store, his kid'll be be back in foster care, and the South Side Mafia will be stronger than ever.
Kimball Cho: You're wrong.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: You want to bet on that?

D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: We're dropping charges against Lawrence Rome.
Kimball Cho: I see.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: Now, personally I think the alibi is bogus, but we had to interview the store owner again. Now he says, uh, maybe his ID was wrong. Maybe it wasn't Lawrence Rome. Whole thing's gone down the toilet. We had an agreement.
Kimball Cho: I agreed I shouldn't help. Didn't say I wouldn't.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: From now on, you get nothing from the D.A.'s office. No favors, no help. Not just you, but every agent in this unit. You have screwed things for your people, my friend. Six months from now, Lawrence Rome'll be back inside for ripping off another liquor store, his kid'll be be back in foster care, and the South Side Mafia will be stronger than ever.
Kimball Cho: You're wrong.
D.D.A. Osvaldo Ardiles: You want to bet on that?

Gupta: Hello Patrick. You're welcome to join us if you like.
Patrick Jane: Well, I gotta tell you, there's other stuff that I gotta...
Gupta: Shut up! I insist. You'll be of useful help to Agent Lisbon.

You listen to me. You tell me right now how to get this damn vest off, or God forgive me, I will kill you!

Teresa Lisbon: God, I miss Hightower. Aside from the murder stuff obviously. Screw it. Even with the murder stuff. How does he just appear out of nowhere like that?
Patrick Jane: He's a ghost - from the fifth dimension. Right, Rigsby?
Wayne Rigsby: He's the boss. Not going there.

Hightower: How will you do in 48 hours what you haven't been able to do in months?
Patrick Jane: I will because I have to.

Prosecutor says that Timothy Carter wasn't Red John. Well... Carter told me himself that he was Red John, but I... I can't prove that. The forensic evidence is inconclusive, his wife refuses to talk to anyone, refuses to speak at all, so she's no use to us. What about Carter's records? Surely there must be some clues there. No. On paper, this man seems to appear out of nowhere five years ago. Before that, nothing. Why? Because Timothy Carter is an invented identity, a mask. I'm not guilty of killing Timothy Carter because Timothy Carter never existed. There is no Timothy Carter. There is only Red John. Red John started killing people twelve years ago. It's hard to put an exact number on how many people he's killed, but it's somewhere around 28. Nearly all women, late at night, in their homes. He wakes them first because he likes to see the fear in their eyes. He likes to hear them beg for mercy as he cuts them open. He did that to my wife and daughter, and I've been looking for him ever since. Looking for personal vengeance. I believe that's... my right. I have the right to kill the man that killed my family. I don't say I shouldn't be punished for doing what I did, I feel I had no choice. What would you do?

Teresa Lisbon: Maybe if we're lucky, he'll get second degree murder. Jane will be out of prison in 3 or 4 years.
Bailiff: Court is back in session.
Teresa Lisbon: The jury's back already? That can't be good.

J.J. LaRoche: It was... interesting - working with you and Jane.
Teresa Lisbon: I think that's the polite word for what it was. Thanks.

Patrick Jane: Come on. When have I steered you wrong?
Wayne Rigsby: Recently?

Psychiatrist: Grace, somebody you trusted and loved betrayed you. Betrayed you so badly you had to take his life. That needs to be talked about.
Grace Van Pelt: It could've been worse. I could've married him.

Patrick Jane: And you are?
Deke Hutton: Connor's uncle. Deke Hutton.
Patrick Jane: Hmm.
Deke Hutton: And you should have gone to jail, you miserable sleazebag.
Patrick Jane: Well, nice to meet you, too.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane, we don't have time for you to have a feud with this guy. It's - it's like your conscience is battling your old self. There's no upside.
Patrick Jane: You think that's why I'm here? Intriguing.

Teresa Lisbon: Hey Jane. We got Walton. The kid's nowhere to be seen.
Patrick Jane: Tell Rigsby to look in his left front pocket. There should be a note.
Teresa Lisbon: Rigs, is there a note in your left front pocket?
Wayne Rigsby: "The balloon man didn't take Connor."... Okay, so how did he do that?

Wayne Rigsby: Hey, you okay?
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah. I feel pretty good actually. I'm starting to enjoy shooting people.
Grace Van Pelt: Gotcha.

That man has the conscience of a mollusk.

Teresa Lisbon: Listen up here, Willie. Some of the stuff you're carrying you came off a dead man.
Willie Shubert: That's not good.
Grace Van Pelt: Neither is the dried blood on your shirt. How'd that get there?
Willie Shubert: Let's see uh... I got the blood on me when I was stabbing that fella in the alley.

Lydia Bibb: I threw a flower into the ocean for her.
Patrick Jane: You did?
Lydia Bibb: It's an old island custom. My mother said it sent a message to your people who had passed over. I mean, I know the girl isn't my family, but I think it'll still work, don't you?
Patrick Jane: Well, it can't hurt.
Lydia Bibb: You think I'm a foolish old woman, but I'll tell you this. I feel better. I feel like I did Something to give that girl some peace

Teresa Lisbon: Jane and I have to go to work. You mind hanging out in my office?
Annabeth Lisbon: Sure.
Patrick Jane: Rigsby is a nice, easy mark if you want to keep practicing.

Wayne Rigsby: Miss Kasser, we need to speak to your son. Where is he?
Jori Kasser: That's the thing. I haven't heard from Steven since I talked to the chief.
Officer Price: Steve's missing? Why didn't you say anything?
Jori Kasser: I was hoping it was a coincidence. Sometimes he disappears.
Wayne Rigsby: Do you think your son had something to do with the murder of Chief Green?
Jori Kasser: No, not if he was sober.

Oh, come on. You've been a cop for a long time. What you don't know is how much you know without knowing it. Take a guess and run with it.

Teresa Lisbon: Can you tell me where you were last night?
Richard Haibach: Home alone all night. Why, was there another murder?
Teresa Lisbon: I can't comment on an ongoing investigation, sir.
Richard Haibach: That means there was one. I'm not dumb.

Patrick Jane: Disappointing, Lisbon. I thought you might push back a little. The guy called me a circus act.
Teresa Lisbon: Hey, the man is grieving. You push back.
Patrick Jane: Okay, I will.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't you dare.
Patrick Jane: You said that I could.
Teresa Lisbon: I take it back.

Teresa Lisbon: Would you want that - to hear what people say about you when you're dead?
Patrick Jane: When I'm dead, they can burn me in effigy or build a statue or forget about me completely. I couldn't care less.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't mean that. Everybody wants to be remembered.
Patrick Jane: Childish vanity.
Teresa Lisbon: I want to be remembered.
Patrick Jane: And you shall be - fondly, because you won't care about it because when you're dead you're dead. And until then -
Patrick Jane: There's ice cream.

Kimball Cho: Welcome to the future.
Luther Wainwright: They promised us jet packs and gave us compromised investigations.

Doc Dugan: Your own funeral, that's when you hear the truth, what people really think of you. Woman worships me. Would you like to find out why?
Grace Van Pelt: No, thanks.
Doc Dugan: You sure?
Grace Van Pelt: Tempting, really, but... I shot and killed my last boyfriend. I'm not ready for a relationship yet.
Doc Dugan: Okay. Rain check.

The closest a man should come to touching a fitted sweater is helping a woman out of one.

Let me know if you change your mind, or you know, get it back.

Patrick Jane: What's the best way in with a luscious redhead?
Wayne Rigsby: Van Pelt?
Patrick Jane: Well, clearly you two had a thing and she dumped you, but maybe you can share a tip on how to open the cookie jar. You know, get some, uh, tasty ginger snaps?
Wayne Rigsby: Huh. You want a tip? Back off.
Patrick Jane: I thought we were a team.

Patrick Jane: Nice Lady.
Teresa Lisbon: Nice? That's all you're gonna say? She's Nice?
Patrick Jane: Great legs.

Gabriel Porchetto: You want me to do your job... fine... it was the Mexicans.
Teresa Lisbon: What Mexicans?
Gabriel Porchetto: 'Julio Iglesias'! Who do you think? The Zetas... the Zetas.
Teresa Lisbon: The Mexican drug cartel?
Gabriel Porchetto: Yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: Why would they want to kill your son?
Gabriel Porchetto: I'm not saying any more. About that sleeping trick?

Grace Van Pelt: Did you love me?
Craig O'Laughlin: Of course I loved you.
Grace Van Pelt: Then why did you try to kill me?
Craig O'Laughlin: Look, I had to make a choice between you and Red John. We all have to make hard choices, Grace. Doesn't make me evil.
Grace Van Pelt: It kinda does.
Craig O'Laughlin: Grace.
Grace Van Pelt: I was just too stupid to see it.
Craig O'Laughlin: Oh, no, you saw it.
Grace Van Pelt: No, I didn't.
Craig O'Laughlin: Not all of it. But you knew there was something. Something a little dangerous under the nice guy stuff. You kind of liked it. You can't open your eyes a little bit, Grace. You got to open them all the way if you want to see the truth of things.
Grace Van Pelt: What are you talking about? Why are you doing this to me?
Craig O'Laughlin: How should I know? I'm just a figment of your imagination.

Patrick Jane: Rosalind, where's Roy?
Rosalind Harker: Roy couldn't stay.
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: Jane.
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: It's the morgue attendant. You still gonna try and tell me Red John is dead?

Erica Flynn: These days I don't get to spend much time alone with charming men.
Patrick Jane: There's a reason for that, so you don't kill them.
Erica Flynn: We all have our baggage.

Teresa Lisbon: She's a convicted murderer.
Patrick Jane: A convicted manslaughterer, actually.

Sarah Harrigan: You okay?
Wayne Rigsby: Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh... no. That video was... oh, god, it was horrible. I had no idea childbirth could be so... well, so scary.
Sarah Harrigan: Well, it wasn't that bad.
Wayne Rigsby: Sarah, I'm a homicide detective. I've seen some pretty graphic things, but that... uh... nothing prepared me for that.
Sarah Harrigan: How do you think I feel? I have to go through it.

Bret Stiles: How are those demons of yours coming on, Patrick? They still chasing you, are they?
Patrick Jane: I'm chasing them.
Bret Stiles: Are you?

Jessie Meadows: Miss Hill killed Gabe? Why?
Teresa Lisbon: There was political stuff going on. But I think mostly your brother just wanted you to be happy, and to get out.
Jessie Meadows: I don't know what to do.
Teresa Lisbon: We were going through your brother's laptop, and we found some videos that he'd made for you.
Teresa Lisbon: Kind of like letters. I thought you might like to see one.
Gabe Meadows: Happy birthday, sis. I hope it's a good one. I don't know if you'll ever see this, but I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you. I miss you so much, sis. I know we don't agree about some things, but, uh... I hope you know that I'm always here for you. Any time, I'll be waiting. See you soon, I hope.
Jessie Meadows: Are there more of these?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah. There's a whole lot of them.
Jessie Meadows: Would it be okay if I stayed to watch a few?
Teresa Lisbon: You can stay as long as you'd like.

Grace Van Pelt: Seriously, I haven't had hot water in three days. My landlord's being total jerk and won't fix it.
Kimball Cho: You should buy.
Grace Van Pelt: So I can deal with a bank instead of a landlord? Big step up.

I can't believe you haven't cracked Philo yet. I mean, you guys just can't manage without me, can you?

Patrick Jane: I need your help.
Teresa Lisbon: My help? What about Darcy?
Patrick Jane: Eh... it didn't work out. Long story. Uh, no big deal. I'll tell you when you get here.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm busy here.
Patrick Jane: Call me when you're close.

Teresa Lisbon: You are a cool customer. You think you can outrun a tiger?
Patrick Jane: I don't have to. I just have to run faster than you.

Teresa Lisbon: This is too creepy.
Patrick Jane: Killers like creepy.

Teresa Lisbon: Did he say "crazy idea"?
Kimball Cho: He said "trust me".
Wayne Rigsby: Always a bad sign.

Cheap power suit, phone holster, Bluetooth, large watch. Has "petty tyrant" written all over him.

Teresa Lisbon: 11 years in Catholic school and I never got sent to the Principal's office once.
Patrick Jane: Well that's because you're a boring goody two shoes.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't say I never did anything bad. I just never got caught.

Ms. Austin: I know what I did to Mr. McTierney is unforgivable, and I wish to God I could undo it, but you have to understand. What Billy and I have is special. It's real. I'm not some pervert. I love him, and he loves me. Is that wrong?
Grace Van Pelt: Yes.

Nothing wows like vintage Madonna.

Teresa Lisbon: What do you think?
Patrick Jane: Well, all cruelty stems from weakness, and this one's a quivering mass. Emotionally immature. Aggressively masculine. He harbors childhood pain tied to bedwetting or some similar humiliation. Yeah, he could be our killer, too.
Teresa Lisbon: You're not making this easy.

Grace Van Pelt: How did you know Archie was gay?
Patrick Jane: Well, Archie Sr. named his son after himself like a king. He was hoping for an heir, yet there's not one photo of Junior in the house.
Grace Van Pelt: You think he's ashamed of him.
Patrick Jane: Well, look at this room. Traditional masculine decor. Bold nautical themes.
Grace Van Pelt: It's like a furniture catalog threw up in here.
Patrick Jane: Yes. These are not the choices of a teenager. I think Archie Sr. personally decorated this room in the attempt to butch up his gay son.

Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Lao-tzu.
Teresa Lisbon: Lao-tzu?
Patrick Jane: Famous Chinese philosopher.
Teresa Lisbon: What has he got to do with anything?
Patrick Jane: Ah, your unconscious sexual bias at work there, Lisbon. You assumed he was a he.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, was he?
Patrick Jane: He was. Not the point.

Grace Van Pelt: There's something on your...
Wayne Rigsby: It's just vomit.

Teresa Lisbon: What about your promise to Bertram?
Patrick Jane: I had my fingers crossed.

Teresa Lisbon: What are you? Huh? Crazy?
Patrick Jane: Excuse me?
Teresa Lisbon: I told you to be careful. I told you not to go over the edge.
Patrick Jane: And I told you not to listen.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be childish! I am not your girlfriend. I am an officer of the law. How could I not listen? You kissed her. You offered to help her escape.
Patrick Jane: And I would ask her to marry me if I thought she'd buy it. I was playing her.
Teresa Lisbon: She's playing you.

Kimball Cho: Do you have his client list?
Wayne Rigsby: Ya. You should see this thing: leaders of industry, royalty, Hollywood stars
Kimball Cho: We need to run them down
Wayne Rigsby: I'm all over it. Already have a call in to Clooney

Patrick Jane: You're still here.
Charlotte Anne Jane: You're still tripping.
Patrick Jane: It would seem so.
Charlotte Anne Jane: You really shouldn't be driving. And you especially should not be driving an ambulance.

Teresa Lisbon: Now you're stealing an ambulance?
Patrick Jane: No, I'm just admiring the interior. Wicked GPS. How much you think one of these rigs goes for?

Grace Van Pelt: Preliminary forensics report. There were no useable prints on the teapot or bowl. Well, except for Jane's prints.
Wayne Rigsby: Smudging finger prints. Drinking evidence. He's like a drunk uncle.

Patrick Jane: You really want me to tell you? It's gonna ruin the surprise.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes. I don't like surprises.
Patrick Jane: Three guesses then.
Patrick Jane: I'll give you a hint.
Patrick Jane: It's-it's not animal or vegetable.

Gale Bertram: Teresa. I didn't take you for a gambler.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, it's not gambling if you know you're gonna win.
Gale Bertram: Whew! Well, we got a live one. Watch out.

Nurse: Excuse me, can I help you?
Patrick Jane: There was a man attached to this needle. Have you seen him?

Teresa Lisbon: Agent LaRoche.
J.J. LaRoche: Lisbon. Jane.
Patrick Jane: Hmm, yes. It's the man who watches the watchman. How's tricks?
J.J. LaRoche: You tell me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you'll get nothing from me, copper. I'm no rat.

J.J. LaRoche: If I don't like what you have to say, you could walk out of this room charged with murder. Do you understand that?
Wayne Rigsby: Yes.

No offense but you have a bit of a homeless vibe about you.

Wayne Rigsby: So Minelli really hired this Jane guy?
Teresa Lisbon: Well, he exposed a corrupt cop, dethroned a judge. Those are all major points for us. As far as Minelli's concerned, he's a hero.

Tara Skye: I don't want to speak ill of the dead.
Patrick Jane: They don't really care.They're dead.

Ryan Kasmir: Is he going off script?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, he does that.

Why are you mad at me?I didn't force you to escape from prison.

Robert Kirkland: If he's with her, he's in a lot of danger. You know him better than anybody, now if he did do this, where would he go?
Teresa Lisbon: Any place I could possibly think of is where he wouldn't go.

Quinton Bosh: Well, as I said, living room's exactly the same.
Patrick Jane: Well, not exactly. I like it.
Quinton Bosh: Good, good. Let's take a look at the extra bedroom.
Patrick Jane: No, no need. I'm really feeling it here. I think I need to be alone with the house for a moment. You know just to check out its aura.
Quinton Bosh: Aura?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Well I'm not gonna buy a house unless we have compatible auras.

You know what? You can write my name down in that book.

Could you pass the cheese plate? This is getting good.

Patrick Jane: I think this puzzle box is the key. Whatever is in here was important enough to hide, but not valuable enough to put in that safe.
Kimball Cho: What do you think it is?
Patrick Jane: I don't know yet, it's a puzzle.
Teresa Lisbon: Cho, crack it open.
Patrick Jane: Oh, no no no no. It's my puzzle. All mine.

Wayne Rigsby: Boss is it okay if I sit down?
Teresa Lisbon: You are sitting down Rigsby.

Joanna Lyle: As a therapist, I'd like to think that I can help my patients get sober. But as a recovering alcoholic, I know I can't make someone stop before they're ready. There but for the Grace of God.
Patrick Jane: Mm. Well, let's leave God out of it, shall we?

Patrick Jane: Lisbon, you're distracted and you have an eager gleam in your eye. Either you have a breakthrough in the Volker case, or you're in love. Which is it?
Teresa Lisbon: I got Judge Davis to sign the warrant, and Van Pelt should be getting Volker's records momentarily.
Patrick Jane: I was hoping it was love. You deserve happiness, but I'm glad for you anyway.

Patrick Jane: How was the rest of the party?
Teresa Lisbon: Torture. That can never, ever happen again.
Patrick Jane: Ten years, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: More, actually. Every year with you counts as two.

Ray Haffner: No, no. My hat's off. I-I only lasted two days as Jane's boss. He nearly killed me. So you--you --clearly know things that I don't.
Teresa Lisbon: He is not that hard to handle.
Ray Haffner: Really? Seriously? 'Cause I know a couple... thousand people who would disagree with that.

Wayne Rigsby: What did Jane want?
Kimball Cho: He wants us back at the museum.
Wayne Rigsby: What are we gonna do?
Kimball Cho: Museum heist.
Wayne Rigsby: Why?

Teresa Lisbon: There is something off here. This place gives me the creeps.
Patrick Jane: Normally I'd be tempted to mock your superstition, but in this case I'm inclined to agree. Ladies first.

Patrick Jane: [checking out the victim's sailboat] Seems like a civilized way to travel, don't you think?
Teresa Lisbon: Are you kidding? Stuck on that thing in the middle of the ocean? It's like being in a prison cell with a chance of drowning.

I tell you about 30% of what I do. That doesn't mean I'm lying.

Teresa Lisbon: Now that she's killed someone, they're gonna look again into her escape.
Patrick Jane: That's likely.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, I know you broke her out of prison. And you know I know.
Patrick Jane: And I know you know I know.
Teresa Lisbon: This is not funny! If they find out, you could be charged as an accomplice to murder.
Patrick Jane: Well, if they find out. They won't, unless, of course, you sing to the coppers.
Teresa Lisbon: Which I won't. And that makes me an accomplice to murder, as well.
Patrick Jane: Well, only if you look at it like a very persnickety lawyer.

Patrick Jane: Trust me. You'll have fun.
J.J. LaRoche: Trust me. You'll have fun. Was there ever a more suspicious phrase?

Teresa Lisbon: You need to try and start following the rules for a while. And if you must break the rules, break them on your own time.
Patrick Jane: When am I not on my own time?

Patrick Jane: Hey, Cho.
Kimball Cho: Okay, how'd you do that?
Patrick Jane: Well, you tread a little heavier than Lisbon. And Rigsby's car isn't in the lot.
Kimball Cho: We've got a case and Lisbon's busy, so you and I are riding out.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. I'll meet you downstairs.

Patrick Jane: Smells of juniper.
Kimball Cho: Cologne?
Patrick Jane: Uh... I don't... no, more like... cheap gin. Drunken out of necessity, not pleasure. So he drank alone, he let the killer in. He knew him, or her. They argued...
Deb Granger: How'd you know they argued?
Patrick Jane: Well, he is dead.
Deb Granger: What did they argue about?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't know. What do people argue about? Money? Power? Love? Jealousy?
Deb Granger: Revenge. Sorry, I shouldn't do that.
Patrick Jane: No, jump right in. This is a murder. It's exciting.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We need to speak with Buddy Hennings.
Receptionist: If you want to be on the show, you have to fill out this form and take it to couples-intake.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, we're not a couple. Please.
Patrick Jane: What she means is ours is more of a platonic love.

Teresa Lisbon: Hi. We need to speak with Buddy Hennings.
Receptionist: If you want to be on the show, you have to fill out this form and take it to couples-intake.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, we're not a couple. Please.
Patrick Jane: What she means is ours is more of a platonic love.

Kimball Cho: So if he's not white-water rafting, where is he?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't know, but I'm sure you two will figure it out. And, Rigsby... Put the cupcake back.

Buddy Hennings: Before we go, is there anything you two would like to say to each other?
Grace Van Pelt: No... Yes. Just... I'm sorry. For a lot of things. I care about you and I never meant to hurt you.
Buddy Hennings: All right, your turn. Anything?
Wayne Rigsby: You know how I feel about you. It's the same way I've always felt. It's never changed. Since the first day I met you.

Grace Van Pelt: And for the record, I'm not angry about the baby.
Wayne Rigsby: Oh, really? 'Cause I never thought you were angry, but you sound kind of angry now.
Grace Van Pelt: No, I just thought it was weird that you would have a baby with someone you barely knew.
Wayne Rigsby: Well, why don't you tell me what you really think?
Grace Van Pelt: But...
Wayne Rigsby: But what? What else is there?
Grace Van Pelt: But I love that you're a dad.
Wayne Rigsby: You do?
Grace Van Pelt: When we got together, we were kids. I was a young, naive girl. I wasn't ready to commit to you. It wasn't about the job. At least that wasn't all of it. But things have changed since then. We're not the same. And that's okay. I like who I am now. I like who you are. You're a man.

J.J. LaRoche: Whatever happens, I want to thank you for trying to help me.
Patrick Jane: Well, truth is, you're a hard man not to help, LaRoche. You're like a Shar-Pei puppy that's rolled onto its back. You have to rub its belly.
J.J. LaRoche: You're mocking me.
Patrick Jane: No, no, I'm happy to rub your belly.
J.J. LaRoche: That won't be necessary.
Patrick Jane: I hope not.

Patrick Jane: I mean, no offense, but you have no dishonesty in you.
Teresa Lisbon: I Have Dishonesty in me. I can put up a front.

Patrick Jane: If I tell you why I won't tell you, you'll get mad at me.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm already mad at you. Just tell me.
Patrick Jane: No, you're not mad, you're just vexed. There is a difference.

Teresa Lisbon: What's your take on Partridge?
Patrick Jane: If he is Red John, he's a very good actor.
Teresa Lisbon: He would have to be, wouldn't he?

Grace Van Pelt: How's boss?
Patrick Jane: Alive and cranky.

Patrick Jane: What's up, Cho?
Kimball Cho: Are you working this case?
Patrick Jane: I'm always working the case.
Kimball Cho: Rigsby's going to the victim's house, and I've got to talk to some people about drones.
Patrick Jane: Oh! Drones. That's new. Count me in.

Grace Van Pelt: How's boss?
Patrick Jane: Alive and cranky.

Sheriff McAllister: Thought you were supposed to solve a crime, not destroy a wedding.
Patrick Jane: I'd say the killer did that.
Sheriff McAllister: I'm prepared to marvel at your insight. Who's the killer?
Patrick Jane: Still working on it.
Sheriff McAllister: Really? Surprised. I'd have thought you'd have 'em in cuffs by now.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I'd hate to disappoint you.

Teresa Lisbon: Nice push.
Patrick Jane: Eh, something good will come out of this. You'll see. Can we go back to Napa now?
Teresa Lisbon: Please.

Patrick Jane: Oh, what do you have planned for the day? You don't officially have a case, do you? You can relax. Get a massage, mani-pedi.
Teresa Lisbon: No. I have to go and offer protection to the six people on your list, which you are going to give me.
Patrick Jane: I was hoping you'd opt for the massage.

Teresa Lisbon: I am trying to wrap my mind around this. Now, you put the lives of seven innocent people in danger.
Patrick Jane: No, none of them are innocent. Marx defrauded hundreds of people, then he brutally murdered someone to cover it up. I assure you, Lisbon, all of these men are very bad. They just don't happen to be Red John.

Patrick Jane: Who did this to you? Tell me.
Kira Tinsley: Tattoo... tattoo on his left arm.

Teresa Lisbon: What did she say?
Patrick Jane: She told me Red John has a tattoo on his left shoulder. Three dots. That's my leverage. I got him.

Wayne Rigsby: You want anything?
Kimball Cho: Yeah. Coffee, black.
Wayne Rigsby: It's a fruit stand, Cho. They sell fruit.
Kimball Cho: Okay. No.

Wayne Rigsby: Hey, boss. Just got a call on the radio. Another homicide nearby. Attempted carjacking, looks like.
Teresa Lisbon: Related?
Wayne Rigsby: Probably not. Thought I'd check it out.
Teresa Lisbon: All right. Come back as quick as you can.

Grace Van Pelt: So, our victim, Chad Parkman, was a successful Olympic gymnastics coach. He had a facility out in Marin.
Teresa Lisbon: What was he doing at the hotel?
Grace Van Pelt: Sports health conference. He was the keynote speaker.
Teresa Lisbon: Hmm. What about the Visualize angle? Did you find anything there?
Grace Van Pelt: Nothing IDing him as a member. You think Cooper's lying?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. If Bret Stiles sends his second-in-command and private security, it's important to Visualize somehow.

Patrick Jane: You're going to meet me tonight at eight o'clock.
Bret Stiles: Patrick...
Patrick Jane: No, you listen to me. You're gonna meet me tonight at eight o'clock or I'm gonna come back here, and when I do, you will need more than these walls to keep you safe.
Bret Stiles: Threats? That's so out of character.
Patrick Jane: I mean every word of it.
Bret Stiles: Yes, I believe you do. But you see, Patrick, a dying man does not fear death.
Patrick Jane: Oh, please. This charade might work on your disciples. It doesn't work on me.
Bret Stiles: You think too highly of me. Unfortunately, it's not a charade.
Patrick Jane: How long have you got?
Bret Stiles: It's spread to the blood. There's nothing they can do. I don't know... two weeks, a month. You see, it's not personal. It's just that my time now is very precious.
Patrick Jane: I'm still gonna need you tonight.
Bret Stiles: For god's sake, why? What's so damned important?
Patrick Jane: Red John. I'm close. Closer than I've ever been.

Teresa Lisbon: He's at the Ecuadorian consulate. As long as he's there, we can't touch him. What do you want to do?
Patrick Jane: I'll handle Stiles.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, he's not gonna come with you. He doesn't have to.
Patrick Jane: I'll be persuasive.

Jason Cooper: I think I've made myself clear, agents. I have no knowledge of Bret Stiles' whereabouts.
Wayne Rigsby: Yes, Mr. Cooper, and we've made clear that we're not buying it.
Kimball Cho: Stiles leaves you in charge of Visualize, but he keeps you in the dark about where's hiding? Doesn't make sense.
Jason Cooper: Stiles has, and always will, put the church's needs before his own. This time is no different. He doesn't want me to know because he wants to protect me.
Kimball Cho: And because he doesn't want to be found.
Jason Cooper: I doubt Bret Stiles is worried about being found.
Kimball Cho: You seem confident.
Jason Cooper: Call it faith. You see, Stiles' time in our reality is limited. As we speak, he's preparing his mind and body for a departure from the confines of our material world.
Wayne Rigsby: He's dying?
Jason Cooper: That is a very naive, very ignorant way of looking at it. Bret Stiles is not dying. Bret Stiles cannot die. He is elevating himself to another plane. One lesser men like ourselves can only strive to reach. And one some of us obviously can't comprehend.

Teresa Lisbon: The team's looking for Smith, Bertram's on the run. So who's Red John? Is it Bertram or Smith?
Patrick Jane: I need to look them both in the eye.

Kimball Cho: You okay?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm fine. The doctors say Jane's stable. There's no major trauma or anything. He's just not awake.

Kimball Cho: They found the remains of three people. Positive IDs for Bret Stiles, Ray Haffner, and Thomas McAllister.
Teresa Lisbon: Are you sure? I would think Bret Stiles would survive a nuclear attack.
Kimball Cho: The bodies are all burnt to a crisp. But the crime techs did spot DNA tests; coroner's office checked it against medical records. Stiles, Haffner, and McAllister are all positively dead.
Teresa Lisbon: What about Smith? Any sightings?
Kimball Cho: Not yet. Rigsby and Van Pelt are on it.

Dennis Abbott: Lisbon. I'm glad you can join us.
Teresa Lisbon: Traffic.
Dennis Abbott: Hmm. Where's Jane?
Teresa Lisbon: He'll be in to see you as soon as he's able.
Dennis Abbott: This way.

FBI Agent Denyer: FBI! Back it up!
Kimball Cho: CBI. Back up yourself!

I know you're drug dealers. I don't judge. I'm wanted for homicide myself in the US.

Patrick Jane: You called me an asset. That's so touching.
Dennis Abbott: I'm an optimist.

Krystal Markham: Oh, you're trouble.
Patrick Jane: Harmless as a fly.

Teresa Lisbon: It's 2:23. This is a waste of time. Your theoretical spy isn't showing up.
Patrick Jane: Have to have patience, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: I'd rather have coffee.

Grace Van Pelt: Hey, are you gonna be home for dinner?
Wayne Rigsby: Uh, yeah. Sure.
Grace Van Pelt: Wait. Are you at that dirty taco truck?
Grace Van Pelt: I can literally hear you trying to think up an excuse.

Dennis Abbott: Jane is making a sincere effort to fit in.
Kim Fischer: No, he's not.
Dennis Abbott: Look at what he gave me yesterday.
Kim Fischer: A robot.
Dennis Abbott: No, this is just not a robot. This is *Voltron*, okay? I used to love this when I was a kid.
Kim Fischer: He *ditched* me.
Dennis Abbott: That's not cool.
Kim Fischer: No, that is far, far from cool.
Dennis Abbott: Did Jane have something to say about it afterwards?
Kim Fischer: Who knows! He hasn't responded to my texts or my phone calls ever since. Where do we draw the line? How far do we bend for this man?
Teresa Lisbon: I just got off the phone with Jane. He says he needs a black helicopter, a convoy of vans, and whatever you have that looks most like a tank.

Teresa Lisbon: What do you think we should do?
Patrick Jane: I think we should trust our instincts.
Kimball Cho: You mean take a wild guess.
Patrick Jane: 80% of the time, a detective's first guess is right.
Kimball Cho: You just made that up.
Patrick Jane: And you knew that because your instincts told you.

Teresa Lisbon: I was really angry at you for doing what you did, but then I thought better of it. It was a stupid idea, but, hey, it worked.
Patrick Jane: Whoa. Stupid? Not necessarily stupid. Simple. Not stupid.
Teresa Lisbon: But I am still angry at you for not telling me what you were gonna do. I thought you'd gone nuts.
Patrick Jane: Oh, come on, please. It's not like I haven't abducted people before.

Teresa Lisbon: I don't know what we would have done if we lost you.
Grace Van Pelt: I knew you guys would come.

Teresa Lisbon: And then Haibach shot you a second time?
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah. That one hurt.
Teresa Lisbon: But you got back up, disarmed the sister, and stopped Haibach. Nice work, Wayne.
Grace Van Pelt: He said he was gonna save me, and he did.
Kimball Cho: You do realize you got shot with your own gun.
Wayne Rigsby: Oh, please, Cho, no jokes. It hurts when I laugh.
Kimball Cho: I'm just saying if you tell that story in the future, you might want to leave that part out.
Wayne Rigsby: Seriously, I'm gonna split a stitch.

I keep finding strangers in my bedroom. It must have been a good party.

Kimball Cho: They've done six jobs. They must have left us something to work with.
Agent Marcus Pike: Well, they've only slipped up once. We found a glove a few blocks from a gallery they robbed in Phoenix. We managed to get a partial print and we got a hit. Aaron Pulaski. Time for armed robbery and battery. He's also the former middleweight boxing champ at Folsom Prison.
Kimball Cho: And you can't charge a man for owning a glove.
Agent Marcus Pike: Yeah. We brought him in for questioning, but he lawyered up quick and culled the siv. These guys are pros.
Teresa Lisbon: If he's a known felon, we should have his known associates, hangouts, stuff like that.
Agent Marcus Pike: We do, but nothing's popped. Doesn't seem to have a lot of friends, he hangs out a lot at a bar on Sixth Street.
Teresa Lisbon: We could set a tail on him.
Patrick Jane: Ehh, they could be waiting for weeks. Uh, my plan is a little more elaborate, but it's much more entertaining.
Kimball Cho: Of course it is.

Even a broken clock gets to be right twice a day.

Teresa Lisbon: You think this is terrorists?
Dennis Abbott: Well, we can't rule it out.
Patrick Jane: Well, I think we can. Someone just wanted the dead guy dead.
Dennis Abbott: And why do you think that?
Patrick Jane: Because he's dead. I mean, look at this place. Bomber could of killed a dozen people if he wanted to. But, nope, this guy just bumped off one. Pretty ineffective terrorism, if you ask me.

Kim Fischer: You ever wonder what Jane thinks about it?
Kimball Cho: Never.
Kim Fischer: Really, why not?
Kimball Cho: My brain would explode.

Kenyon Russell: We had a problem. In years past, people would go to a house about when they... wanted that kind of thing. But there was drunkenness, accidents, arrests. Not a healthy situation in the age of the camera phone.So Kilgallen came up with the idea of moving the enterprise onto our grounds as a way of avoiding the difficulties. And it worked. We've had no problems since then.
Patrick Jane: Except a murder.

Kenyon Russell: I know this all sounds very old-school, but you have to understand - our members are senators, judges, C.E.O.s. They're successful, driven men. They really have very few places that they can completely relax. Here, we have no cellphones, no Twitter, no distractions from the outside world.
Teresa Lisbon: Women are a distraction?

Kimball Cho: DId you know Madison Price?
Kenyon Russell: No.
Kimball Cho: According to Pam Parsons, Madison visited the camp several times. You never saw her?
Kenyon Russell: Well, that wasn't your question. You asked me if I knew her, which I did not by any reasonable definition of the term. Upon reconsideration, I think it's possible that I did see her once or twice. We never spoke.
Kimball Cho: You told Jane you didn't recognize her picture. Not many people can get an evasion like that past Jane.

Patrick Jane: What about those two?
Teresa Lisbon: The lady? I don't think so.
Patrick Jane: Not just her. The two of them. They're obviously traveling together. They're not a couple, there's no intimacy there.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, they've been in a truck for hours. How could there be intimacy?

Teresa Lisbon: I loved that movie. Classic movies are the best.
Agent Marcus Pike: You fell asleep.
Teresa Lisbon: That's how you can tell I liked it.

Marshal Lawson: Patrick Jane? You are Patrick Jane?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, when it suits me.

Patrick Jane: You're right-handed.
Daniela Welker: Uh, yes.
Patrick Jane: So, that heart on your hand, you didn't draw that?
Daniela Welker: Uh, no. They did.
Kimball Cho: Yeah, we don't know what that means. None of the other girls we rescued had that mark.
Daniela Welker: Guess I'm special.

Michael Ridley: You've misjudged me. I've done nothing wrong.
Patrick Jane: You truly believe that, don't you?
Michael Ridley: Of course I do.
Patrick Jane: It's just business to you, all these women dead. It's just numbers on a spreadsheet, figures on your bottom line.
Michael Ridley: First of all, I didn't kill anyone. But perhaps the man who did wasn't solely concerned with money. Perhaps he had a greater cause in mind. Perhaps the lives of these women were taken so that the lives of important men could be spared, scientists, leaders, philanthropists, people who shape the world.
Patrick Jane: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react to that.
Michael Ridley: Oh, come on. It's just us. If anyone could understand that perspective, it's you.
Patrick Jane: Well, you're right. I've worked with psychopaths and monsters for years, so, yes, I do understand your perspective... very well.

Teresa Lisbon: Hey, Cho.
Kimball Cho: Hey.
Teresa Lisbon: You got a minute?
Kimball Cho: What's up?
Teresa Lisbon: I got offered a job... in DC.
Kimball Cho: You gonna take it?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. Maybe. Don't tell anybody, all right?
Kimball Cho: Okay. It'd be a great move, though.
Teresa Lisbon: You think?
Kimball Cho: Absolutely. You remember the first day we worked together?
Teresa Lisbon: Sure.
Kimball Cho: I almost quit.
Teresa Lisbon: Really? Why?
Kimball Cho: Rigsby
Kimball Cho: And then I saw the way you worked. I knew I had to stay. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you. Whatever decision you make, it's been an honour.

You came to seek revenge, too, huh? I shouldn't have made the clue so easy.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry, that was embarrassing.
Passenger on Plane: Oh, shush, honey. Every woman on this plane is green with envy.

Teresa Lisbon: That was weird. What'd he say?
Patrick Jane: Uh, he asked me if I had a plan for you.
Teresa Lisbon: Plan?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Um... I don't. I... Well, I... I... I think I know what feels - I... I think we know - what feels right, and I think that that should be our guide.
Teresa Lisbon: So do I.

When you shower, promise me this: that you will wear the flip-flops, please. A, it makes you look less attractive, which should be considered, and B, the floor is a petri dish.

We weren't together, we knew each other for years and years, we were friends and I couldn't bring myself to admit my feelings for him had changed even to myself

Benson: It's a load of crap, man. You got nothing on me. You're gonna be hearing from my lawyer.
Kimball Cho: We just caught you in a warehouse full of stolen vehicles. You're the one who should be trying to make a deal with me. If you're too stupid to see that, I don't know what value you have for the FBI.

Erica Flynn: I'm a professional in the field of romance and relationships. And it pains me to admit it, but, in my professional opinion, you and Lisbon will not last as a couple.
Patrick Jane: Why is that?
Erica Flynn: Because you're drawn to each other for the wrong reasons. You're attracted to her virtue, her honesty and her goodness - things you think you lack. She's interested in you for your 'danger'; your unpredictability; your transgressions. These superficial qualities are alluring, even erotic, but they don't make for a lasting relationship.
Patrick Jane: And what does?
Erica Flynn: Finding your soulmate - the person who sees the world they way you do, who laughs at the things you laugh at, and... wants the things you want.
Patrick Jane: And that's you?
Erica Flynn: Here I am.
Patrick Jane: I love Lisbon. And I'm taking you to the real police, and they're gonna lock you up for the rest of your life.
Erica Flynn: Oh, Patrick. I tried

Teresa Lisbon: What's that?
Patrick Jane: Fireworks.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks?
Patrick Jane: It's the end of Ramadan. They're celebrating.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks. Beautiful.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It is beautiful. You thought it was a bomb, didn't you?
Teresa Lisbon: No, I didn't.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you did.
Teresa Lisbon: I did not.
Patrick Jane: You did.

Teresa Lisbon: What's that?
Patrick Jane: Fireworks.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks?
Patrick Jane: It's the end of Ramadan. They're celebrating.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks. Beautiful.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It is beautiful. You thought it was a bomb, didn't you?
Teresa Lisbon: No, I didn't.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you did.
Teresa Lisbon: I did not.
Patrick Jane: You did.

Michelle Vega: Sir, I appreciate you inviting me to work on this case with you.
Kimball Cho: It wasn't my idea. Abbott made me do it.
Michelle Vega: Oh.
Michelle Vega: I did apologize. I understand what I did.
Kimball Cho: It's about trust, okay? If we're gonna work together, I need to be able to trust you with my life. An apology is easy. But trust is earned.

Patrick Jane: We could learn to sail, buy a boat, sail around the world.
Teresa Lisbon: Right.
Patrick Jane: What? I've always wanted to do that. A lot of people do it. I mean, we could do it.
Teresa Lisbon: There's whales and storms and pirates. Scurvy. I mean, besides, I get seasick.
Patrick Jane: You do?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah!
Patrick Jane: How badly?
Teresa Lisbon: Pretty bad.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Well, maybe you get over that.
Teresa Lisbon: We are not sailing around the world.
Patrick Jane: All right. Beekeeping? Who doesn't like honey?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, you just come up with the best ideas. Beekeeping?
Patrick Jane: Well, I think you'd look very cute in one of those little beekeeping suits.
Teresa Lisbon: How is that romantic?

Dennis Abbott: Bill Peterson doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but he's not a traitor.
Kimball Cho: I thought we couldn't rule anyone out.
Patrick Jane: Abbott's right. Peterson's not a suspect.
Dennis Abbott: Good. So, we'll, uh, just dig down into his team. Personal reviews, bank records. Anything that points to a motive. Ego, revenge.
Dennis Abbott: What? You disagree?
Patrick Jane: Well, they're all poorly paid government employees. You're not gonna have to dig too deep to find motive.
Dennis Abbott: You have a better idea?
Patrick Jane: Maybe. But first I need someone to run an errand for me.

Teresa Lisbon: Abbott said it was the death of a DEA agent. And by the way, keep tomorrow night open.
Patrick Jane: Well, why would it be closed?
Teresa Lisbon: Your birthday?
Patrick Jane: Oh, that. Yes.
Teresa Lisbon: I already told everybody at work no songs, no cake, no gifts.
Patrick Jane: Good. Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: Except me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you have a gift for me?
Teresa Lisbon: It's a surprise.
Patrick Jane: A surprise?
Teresa Lisbon: That's right.
Patrick Jane: You think you can keep a secret from me for that long?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't think I can. I know I can.
Patrick Jane: I admire your confidence.

Dennis Abbott: Bill Peterson doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but he's not a traitor.
Kimball Cho: I thought we couldn't rule anyone out.
Patrick Jane: Abbott's right. Peterson's not a suspect.
Dennis Abbott: Good. So, we'll, uh, just dig down into his team. Personal reviews, bank records. Anything that points to a motive. Ego, revenge.
Dennis Abbott: What? You disagree?
Patrick Jane: Well, they're all poorly paid government employees. You're not gonna have to dig too deep to find motive.
Dennis Abbott: You have a better idea?
Patrick Jane: Maybe. But first I need someone to run an errand for me.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry. My family's messy.
Patrick Jane: Oh, no need. Messy people are good people.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not messy.
Patrick Jane: You're messy on the inside.

Patrick Jane: Agent Spackman. Good to see you. I missed that face.
Ken Spackman: Lisbon. Jane. We got four murders in under three minutes. Twenty-nine year old realtor, sixty-seven year old coffee store owner, and two FBI agents. Good men. Good family men with, uh, young kids.
Dennis Abbott: No security cameras, no fingerprints. Guy was in and out like a ghost.

Mrs. Bittacker: He has to be on dialysis in less than an hour.
Dennis Abbott: Oh. Well, that is a problem. Oh, how's this: we'll take his IV pole with us. Well, just while we hold you. Now, I can't say what's gonna happen when he goes back to the 'pen.
Mrs. Bittacker: What's going on? Care to illuminate me, Agent?
Dennis Abbott: Supervising Agent Dennis Abbott.
Mrs. Bittacker: [sarcastic admiration] My.
Dennis Abbott: I'm gonna lay this out in words that are designed to resonate. You're gonna call off the hit on Lily Stoppard. You *will* call it off. And you will deliver us Lydon. Or I won't be able to answer to your son's well-being.
Mrs. Bittacker: I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm truly lost in this conversation.
Dennis Abbott: You want to call my bluff? Well, do it. Please. Because while Ethan suffers, or whatever happens to him, it'll be on you. He's nothing to me.
Mrs. Bittacker: But he's not, is he? He's not nothing to you. You're a lawman. A supervising agent, and he is a citizen. Sure, you may make unhappy or uncomfortable, but you're not gonna let him die. You're too damn ethical for that.
Dennis Abbott: They don't know me, do they, Cho?
Kimball Cho: No.
Mrs. Bittacker: I think I do. And I'm gonna bet my son on it.

Kimball Cho: What we're discussing involves breaking about seven laws.
Michelle Vega: As long as it's only seven.

Michelle Vega: Lucky robbers.
Patrick Jane: Luck is the planning you don't see.

Patrick Jane: I'm leaving. You can come with me or you can stay here, but... I have to go.
Teresa Lisbon: Where you going?
Patrick Jane: Some place nice.

Michelle Vega: You're definitely taking over the team?
Kimball Cho: [deadpan] Yes.
Michelle Vega: Are you excited?
Kimball Cho: I don't really think about it that way.
Michelle Vega: Isn't this something you've wanted your entire career?
Kimball Cho: Yes.
Michelle Vega: So be excited about it.
Kimball Cho: I am.
Michelle Vega: Oh. Good. So, are they any changes you're going to make when you take over?
Kimball Cho: Yeah, new rule. Rookie agents are seen and not heard.
Michelle Vega: Good luck with that.

Amber: That's a very clever trick.
Patrick Jane: It's not rocket surgery.

Teresa Lisbon: What can I do for you to help you figure things out? Just tell me.
Patrick Jane: Time. I just need some time.
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. Time's good. I can give you time. I just need one thing from you.
Patrick Jane: What's that?
Teresa Lisbon: Don't ignore my phone calls.

Patrick Jane: I don't think this is about who he killed so much as what he killed for. Hey, Tork. Long time, no see.
Dennis Abbott: Do you mean the blood and the fingernails?
Patrick Jane: Well, the fingernails not so much; I think they're just a gruesome trophy. But the blood he had to work for. He must need it for something.

Dennis Abbott: You warned me and I didn't listen. And I am sorry. He could have killed Jane, but he took him, so that means he wants something. And there is no one better at exploiting a situation like that than Jane.
Teresa Lisbon: I hope you're right.

Kimball Cho: This is Rick Tork from the Santa Fe office. He's gonna help out while we're shorthanded.
Rick Tork: Hey.
Dennis Abbott: Dennis Abbott. Thanks for coming. So, how long were you in Santa Fe?
Rick Tork: Uh, just a year. I started out at CBI, made the jump the federal side about the same time as Cho.
Kimball Cho: And he's worked with Jane before.
Rick Tork: Enough to know the score.
Dennis Abbott: And what's that?
Rick Tork: He'll never tell you what he's up to; whatever he does, you'll look like an idiot; and always keep your hand on your wallet.
Dennis Abbott: Well, you do know the man.

There's another very good reason we should elope, alright? Keller is apparently still alive and he's mad at me for some reason.

Teresa Lisbon: We should have just eloped like you said.
Patrick Jane: What about your family?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, they wouldn't care. I just talked to them at the hotel. They found the minibar. They're like cavemen arguing over a dead antelope.

Kimball Cho: We have to assume that Keller is alive and looking for Jane. How many agents are you gonna have at their wedding?
Dennis Abbott: Four, but now I think we should probably have more.
Kimball Cho: At least ten. We're gonna need eyes on the front and back yards, and the surrounding neighbourhoods. We should have a chopper on standby in case we need to pursue.
Rick Tork: Yes, sir. But... wouldn't it be wiser to just... postpone the wedding?
Kimball Cho: Postpone the wedding? We're the FBI.
Rick Tork: There is that upside. We can use the wedding as bait. Kinda.
Rick Tork: ... I'm gonna go check on that chopper.