Lisa Simpson Quotes

If only I were in Springfield, all my friends would be cheering me on... oh, God, I'm delirious.

Thanks for helping us free that whale, Willie.

No child of mine shall go without anything, except quality health care!

I can't go out with him. He's just Ralph with a dream.

Lisa Simpson: I'll just give the signal.
Lisa Simpson: "Milk is murder!"

These flowers have saved me from a terrible fate: not getting an A on my science project.

Bart Simpson: I just have one question about hair: where does mine start? Head, head, head... hair? Where's the border?
Lisa Simpson: Oh, my God! Me too!
Lisa Simpson: What are we?

Marge Simpson: Sweetie, you could still go to McGill, the Harvard of Canada.
Lisa Simpson: Anything that's the "something" of the "something" isn't really the "anything" of "anything".

Lisa Simpson: We're going to check out the storm damage!
Homer Simpson: Be careful! If you see a downed power line, do whatever it is people are supposed to do in that situation.

Lisa Simpson: No, this can't be right! They're all horrible!
Homer Simpson: Yeah, the Simpson family is a long line of horse thieves, deadbeats, horse beats, dead thieves, and even a few alcoholics.
Lisa Simpson: There must have been a few good ancestors. Grandpa, don't you know any?
Abraham Simpson: Not a one! Maybe the nicest was Abigail Simpson, who you know as the Pittsburgh Poisoner.
Homer Simpson: If I were you, I wouldn't dig into the past. I lived in some of that past, and I got out for a reason.
Lisa Simpson: I won't give up! I have to know that somewhere in the muck and the mire and the Pittsburgh Poisoners, this family had a noble spark, and I will find it! Even if I have to go back to Adam and Eve.
Abraham Simpson: Oh, you mean Adam and Eve Simpson, or as you may know them, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.

Lisa Simpson: Dad, you were supposed to read me a bedtime story.
Homer Simpson: Oh, sorry sweetie. Bart can read it to you.
Bart Simpson: Read to Lisa? Why don't you just ask me to kiss her?
Marge Simpson: If you kissed her, that would be lovely.
Bart Simpson: I'll read! I'll read!
Homer Simpson: And kiss!
Lisa Simpson: Does anyone want my opinion?
Homer Simpson: Please, Lisa, I had eighteen martinis today.

Marge Simpson: Lisa, have I ever shown you my shattered-dreams box?
Lisa Simpson: No.
Marge Simpson: It's upstairs, in my disappointments closet.
Lisa Simpson: Oh! Oh.

Lisa Simpson: Papa, may we have petit four?
Bart Simpson: Papa, may we have pain au chocolat?
Homer Simpson: "May we"? "May we"? Mais oui!

Lisa Simpson: Michael, why didn't you tell him the truth that it was an accident?
Lisa Simpson: It was an accident, wasn't it Michael?
Michael: Don't ever ask me about my business, Lisa.

Lisa Simpson: What are you drawing?
Nelson Muntz: A robot with guns for arms shooting a plane made out of guns that fires guns.

Homer: Lisa, all you need is a little help from your dad.
Lisa: Well, we're supposed to do this without parental help.
Homer: Sweetie, that's orphan talk.

Bart Simpson: Americans are brave and loyal / So come on jerks, give us your oil...
Lisa Simpson: My card here says 'ACLU' / Now look what I'm going to do!

Lisa Simpson: Grandpa, how do you sleep at night?
Grandpa: They drug us.

Google, you may have enslave half the world, but you're a darn fine search engine.

Lisa Simpson: Hey, merry pranksters. Dinner's ready.
Bart Simpson: Dammit, she knows! All right, what will it take to buy your silence?
Lisa Simpson: Just throw in a couple of "Fur is murder"s.
Bart Simpson: How is fur murder? They're just animals.
Lisa Simpson: Dad!
Bart Simpson: Okay, okay, fur is murder! Everything's murder.

Lisa Simpson: Your line of educational videos have turned my brother's brain into mush.
Bart Simpson: Pretty shapes tell me to kill everyone.

Milhouse Van Houten: Lisa, did you see Marlon Brando in Mutiny in the Bounty?
Lisa Simpson: No, nobody did.
Milhouse Van Houten: Then this is all me!

Lisa Simpson: I can't believe I'm really going! My first trip to providence.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, yeah. Just remember, if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting.
Lisa Simpson: That's a terrible thing for a father to do.
Homer Simpson: That's why she'll believe it.

Bart Simpson: We make a great brother-sister team, like Andy and Lana Wachowski.
Lisa Simpson: Should we hug?
Bart Simpson: Let's fist bump through a towel.
Lisa Simpson: Works for me.

Here at Springfield Elementary detention has many names: Krackertraz, The Skinner Sheraton, Spit Ball Alley, The Bully Pen, 311 Worth, Little Devil's Island, and Dead Man Chalking.

Marge Simpson: What's that whistling?
Homer Simpson: You know what they say in a marriage, don't ask a question you don't know the answer to.
Lisa Simpson: Maggie, you can whistle?
Maggie Simpson:
Lisa Simpson: You're gifted too, maybe more gifted! No, no, I will not get caught in that trap that only one of us is good. We could both be good, like the South Park guys. Except Trey does everything. Trey does everything!

Lisa Simpson: Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect... What can you do?
Marge Simpson: Some things will be handled at a later date.
Lisa Simpson: If at all.

Let me share the Buddhist path to heaven with an enlightened tale I call 'The Princess Not Affiliated with Disney'... unless we are now owned by Disney.

Grampa Simpson: Kids! Where do we keep the castor oil?
Lisa Simpson: In the 1940s.

Lisa Simpson: I'm sure you were once an inquisitive little girl like me.
Elaine Wolff: Not like you -- I knew when to keep quiet.

Lisa Simpson: Hello, 911? This is Lisa Simpson...
Nurse: Simpson? Look, we've already been down there tonight for a sisterectomy, a case of severe butt rot, and a leprechaun fight. How dumb do you think we are?

Lisa: I wish for world peace.
Homer: Lisa, that was very selfish of you.

Homer: Yeah, that Timmy is a real hero.
Lisa: How do you mean dad?
Homer: Well... he fell down a well... and he can't get out.
Lisa: How does that make him a hero?
Homer: Well it's more than you did.

Lisa Simpson: Dad, what if I told you that you could lose weight without diet or exercise?
Homer Simpson: I'd call you a lying scumbag, honey. Why?

Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.

I am the lizard queen!

Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...
Lisa, Bart: CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad?
Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our new agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

Homer: Little Lisa, Lisa Simpson. You know, I always felt you were the best thing my name ever got attached to. Ever since the time you learned to pin your own diapers, you've been smarter than me.
Lisa: Oh, Dad...
Homer: No, no, let me finish. I just want you to know I've always been proud of you. You're my greatest accomplishment, and you did it all yourself. You taught me to understand my own life better, and made me a better person, but you're still my daughter, and I don't think anyone has ever had a better daughter than...
Lisa: Dad, you're babbling.
Homer: See? You're still helping me.

Lisa Simpson: Mom, I know your intentions are good but aren't the police the protective force that maintains the status quo for the wealthy elite? Don't you think we ought to attack the roots of social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?
Marge: Look Lisa, it's McGriff, the Crime Dog!
Marge: Hey, Lisa, help me bite crime, ruff, ruff!

Lisa Simpson: Oh, no! That's awful, Mr. Puente. What? Oh, he owns the nuclear power plant. Yeah, I'd like to settle his hash, too.
Lisa Simpson: Dad, how can you work for a man like Mr. Burns?
Homer: Well, he's not all bad. He did send me this nice thank-you card.
Lisa Simpson: Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. Dad, this doesn't have your name on it.
Homer: Kids, would you step outside for a second?
Homer: F...
Ned Flanders: Dear Lord! That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard!

Lisa: I don't think anyone in this family could be capable of murder.
Grampa: You never know what people are capable of. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane. But last year, I proved myself wrong.

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you! You barbeque-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!
Lisa: That's IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I am out of here!
Homer: That's it! Go to your room!

Homer: What? This is the highest tax increase in history!
Lisa: Actually it's the lowest tax increase in history, dad.
Homer: I pay the Homer tax. Let the bears pay the bear tax.
Lisa: That's home owners tax, dad.
Homer: Either way, I'm still outraged.

Lisa Simpson: Is that Dad?
Bart Simpson: Either that or Batman has really let himself go.

Lisa: Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?
Homer: No, I don't know what "shaden-frawde" is.
Homer: Please tell me, because I'm dying to know.
Lisa: It's a German term for "shameful joy", taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
Homer: Oh, come on Lisa. I'm just glad to see him fall flat on his butt!
Homer: He's usually all happy and comfortable, and surrounded by loved ones, and it makes me feel... What's the opposite of that shameful joy thing of yours?
Lisa: Sour grapes.
Homer: Boy, those Germans have a word for everything!

Mr. Burns: You mean there are actually people who will pay good money for garbage?
Lisa: Not good money, really. Each can'll get you a nickel.
Mr. Burns: Ooh, don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel... with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the polo grounds.
Lisa: There's a can.

Marge: Homer! I don't want guns in my house! Don't you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?
Homer: I thought Smithers did it.
Lisa: That would've made a lot more sense.

Lisa Simpson: You promised to take us to the lake.
Homer Simpson: I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father!
Lisa Simpson: Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
Homer Simpson: No, that would make me a great father.

Marge Simpson: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. You got the highest grade in the class!
Lisa Simpson: But, Mom...
Marge Simpson: The highest grade!

We inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump.

Lisa: You can't drive, dad. He's got your license.
Homer Simpson: Well, I'm gonna try anyway.
Homer Simpson: It worked! It's a miracle!

Lisa: Mom, why is this movie rated PG-13?
Marge: It says it may contain brief rudeness, adult explosions, and scenes with Garry Shandling.

Lisa: Mom, why is this movie rated PG-13?
Marge: It says it may contain brief rudeness, adult explosions, and scenes with Garry Shandling.

Lisa Simpson: Bart, you're my big brother. You should act like it more often. You know, protect me from the bad things in the world.
Bart Simpson: As far as nerdy little sisters go, you're the coolest.
Lisa Simpson: Thanks, Bart.
Bart Simpson: And I'm sorry I sabotaged your flag.
Lisa Simpson: I'm sorry I got us lost out here.
Bart Simpson: Oh! And I'm sorry I sawed the heads of your Malibu Stacy dolls. Okay, now you go.
Lisa Simpson: I don't think I've done anything else.
Bart Simpson: Okay, I'll go again. Remember when your bike was mangled by "gypsies"?
Lisa Simpson: Yes?
Bart Simpson: Yeah, funny story. One day I was really bored, and Dad had left a steamroller idling in the driveway...

Homer Simpson: Hey these freaks do a lot of cool stuff, cookouts, bowling
Lisa Simpson: Maybe you should lead Bart's tribe?
Homer Simpson: You mean like some sort of madman?
Lisa Simpson: Ideally no
Homer Simpson: I'll do it!

Lisa: The student strike will continue until you restore music and art.
Principal Skinner: What about gym?
Lisa: Eh.

Lisa Simpson: I think it's only fair that I get to name this cat. You got to name me.
Marge Simpson: You should be glad I did. Your father wanted to call you Bartzina.

Carl Carlson: We'll never forget you, Pocahontas.
Lisa Simpson: Sacagawea!
Carl Carlson: Gesundheit.