Marge Simpson Quotes

I said it when I was eleven years old, and I'll say it now: you are the best husband I ever had.

Homer, I thought Hollywood said that Movie piracy is wrong!

Stop, Pooter Toot! Other people might be offended by your slightly off-color antics.

Bart Simpson: Maggie's thing? She won't even remember it.
Marge Simpson: You never remember the nice things we do for you.
Bart Simpson: Like what?
Marge Simpson: Food.
Bart Simpson: Pass!
Marge Simpson: Shelter.
Bart Simpson: That dump?
Marge Simpson: Clothing.
Bart Simpson: I wouldn't blow my nose on this!

This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.

This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.

Marge Simpson: I want every table to have two baskets of bread but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation.
Homer Simpson: What if we...
Marge Simpson: There is no "we" in "wedding"!
Homer Simpson: But there is, Marge, the first two letters!
Marge Simpson: I can't believe you're ruining the second Thursday before the wedding!

Bart Simpson: If I had known setting the table was this easy, I would have done it years ago, instead of throwing all those tantrums.
Marge Simpson: Oh, Bart! You've finally become the kind of boy every mother dreams of: A girl!

Bart Simpson: Mom says I can have ice cream for breakfast. Oh, she's still here. Mom, can I have ice cream for breakfast?
Marge Simpson: No way, mister! It's just chocolate chip pancakes and syrup for you.

Bart Simpson: Mom says I can have ice cream for breakfast. Oh, she's still here. Mom, can I have ice cream for breakfast?
Marge Simpson: No way, mister! It's just chocolate chip pancakes and syrup for you.

Marge Simpson: Sweetie, you could still go to McGill, the Harvard of Canada.
Lisa Simpson: Anything that's the "something" of the "something" isn't really the "anything" of "anything".

Marge Simpson: You've destroyed our son's self-esteem.
Homer Simpson: Well, it was your idea to give him self-esteem in the first place.

Homer Simpson: Yes! I am so happy I lived to see this day. He did give her the kiss of death, right?
Marge Simpson: No!
Homer Simpson: Aww! I decorated her car for nothing.

Marge Simpson: Lisa, have I ever shown you my shattered-dreams box?
Lisa Simpson: No.
Marge Simpson: It's upstairs, in my disappointments closet.
Lisa Simpson: Oh! Oh.

Homer Simpson: They have this cool psych class at the campus I sat in on.
Marge Simpson: That was a sexual harassment seminar.
Homer Simpson: It doesn't matter, I'm taking it pass/fail.

Homer Simpson: They have this cool psych class at the campus I sat in on.
Marge Simpson: That was a sexual harassment seminar.
Homer Simpson: It doesn't matter, I'm taking it pass/fail.

Marge Simpson: Lisa's okay with not having friends? That's the saddest thing a daughter could say to her mother.
Bart Simpson: I can think of something sadder. The saddest thing would be if Mom and Lisa were texting while driving and Mom hit Lisa, and Lisa's last text was "I got the message." Good night.

Marge Simpson: Professor, could you say, "Welcome to Mother Hubbard's Sandwich Cupboard" without making any other noises?
Prof. Frink: Of course I can, my dear child. Welcome to Mother Hubbard's, uh Sandwich, mcboing boing glavin flyvy hyvy goyvyn, and now I'm running to the unemployment office. Blervyk.

Marge Simpson: Cuba sounds a little dangerous. Why don't we try Canada?
Grandpa Simpson: I don't want to go there, now that the commie Trudeau is in charge. We're going to Cuba.

Homer Simpson: Whoa, this trip's gonna cost how much?
Marge Simpson: I know it's expensive, but we spend our whole lives worrying about money.
Homer Simpson: That's because we don't have that much! We have a mortgage, a reverse mortgage - I think the house is owned by the car!

But pot is for Cheeches and Chongs.

I forgot how handsome you are when you make the slightest effort.

Marge: How did this happen? How did the Simpsons become the bottom rung of society?
Homer: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.

Homer: Gee, Herb, because of me, you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you'd have been better off if I'd never come into your life.
Herb: Maybe I would have been better off? Maybe? Why, you spongehead! Of course I'd have been better off! As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother!
Marge Simpson: Hmm. Maybe he just said that to make conversation.
Lisa Simpson: His life was an unbridled success until he found out... he was a Simpson.

Man in "Twin Peaks": That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.
Homer Simpson: Brilliant.
Homer Simpson: I have absolutley no idea what's going on.
Marge Simpson: Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did!
Homer Simpson: Oh, it's beautiful! Oh, oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge!
Marge Simpson: Homer, stop. Will you please look at the drawing?
Homer Simpson: Oh, all right. What...
Homer Simpson: ...AAAH! Burn it! Send it to hell!
Marge Simpson: I think we're going to have to get Bart some help.
Homer Simpson: Get it away!

Marge: Nelson? I explicitly forbade Bart from playing with that little monster. Oh, Bart is in deep, deep trouble. Oh, yes, and punish Lisa for lying to us.
Homer: All right, young lady. March yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer. Get a little somethin' for yourself, sweetheart.

Marge Simpson: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. You got the highest grade in the class!
Lisa Simpson: But, Mom...
Marge Simpson: The highest grade!

Marge Simpson: You liked "Rashomon".
Homer Simpson: That's not how I remember it.

Marge Simpson: Look, they're making a movie! Robert Downey, Jr. is shooting it out with the police.
Bart Simpson: I don't see any cameras.

Marge: It's eerily beautiful. Are you sure it's safe?
Homer: You know what they say - sometimes you have to break the rules to free your heart.
Marge: You got that from a movie poster.
Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in hope.
Marge: Where'd you get that from?
Homer: From the producers of "Waiting To Exhale".

Homer Simpson: You workin'?
Benjamin: Oh my, yes. I'm on a secret project that I'm not at liberty to divulge...
Benjamin: cyborgs...
Doug: I invented a program that downloads porn off the internet one million times faster.
Marge Simpson: Does anybody need that much porno?
Homer Simpson: Uuh-huuh-uuuh, one million times.

Marge: Who cut my brakes?
Homer: Oh, yeah. When I was fixing your car, I kinda spilled all your brake liquid. I didn't want to tell you, 'cause I thought you'd get mad.

Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.

The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hog-tie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.

Marge Simpson: I guess it was a pretty funny prank. I like the ones where nothing catches on fire.
Homer Simpson: Yeah. The only thing hurt are feelings.

Lisa: Mom, why is this movie rated PG-13?
Marge: It says it may contain brief rudeness, adult explosions, and scenes with Garry Shandling.

Lisa: Mom, why is this movie rated PG-13?
Marge: It says it may contain brief rudeness, adult explosions, and scenes with Garry Shandling.

Marge Simpson: It's awfully expensive to fly to Brazil.
Lisa Simpson: Not if we buy our tickets on the internet. It's really cheap if we change planes in Phoenix, Honolulu, Sun City, and East St. Louis, spend the night in a haunted house, and leave right now.
Homer Simpson: Then it's settled. The Simpsons are going to Brazil.
Bart Simpson: And I'll have been on every continent.
Lisa Simpson: Except Antarctica.
Homer Simpson: Then it's settled. The Simpsons are going to Antarctica.
Homer Simpson: Next year. This year, Brazil.

What to do now? Too crazy to go outside; not crazy enough to have imaginary friends.

Marge: Now we have to find another school for you.
Homer: And if you get kicked out of that one, you're going straight in the army, where you'll be sent straight to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in charge.

Homer cut up my wedding dress to make a badminton net, which he never uses. He spent my last three birthdays in jail, called out his bowling ball's name during sex...

Homer Simpson: Why haven't you thrown that bum out?
Marge Simpson: Christian charity.
Homer Simpson: Christian Charity? What does a porn star have to do with it?

You just can't get Russian gangster blood out. Must be something they eat.

Homer Simpson: We're gonna be rich! We can finally start a family!
Marge Simpson: We have a family.
Homer Simpson: A better one.