Dr. Eric Foreman Quotes

It's... a little weird to discuss the case while you're staring at your blood on the floor.

There's nothing in there but a pharmacy's worth of pain meds. This guy makes House look like a Christian

Martha Masters: So we just give up and go home?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, somebody locked the front door, but, yeah, we... give up.

This is your new reality. You've got your office. You've got neighbors. You've got one employee, one volunteer until she finds actual, paid work or gets sick of you.

You've been working for House for two weeks. It's already too long.

Chemo won't make your life any better, but caring will. Enduring pain to do some good for someone you care about. Isn't that what life is?

Dr. Eric Foreman: I thought everybody lied?
Dr. Gregory House: Truth begins in lies.

It's dangerous. It could kill him. You should do it.

Dr. Gregory House: Thirty percent of all dads out there don't realize they're raising someone else's kid.
Dr. Eric Foreman: From what I've read, false paternity is more like ten percent.
Dr. Gregory House: That's what our moms would LIKE us to believe.

Dr. Eric Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their entire MRI.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.

Dr. Gregory House: [seeing Dan on a computer screen] General Hospital is on channel 6.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Dan's brain's not showing channel 6 right now, only mush.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

Dr. Gregory House: Get up. We're going hunting.
Dr. Eric Foreman: For what?
Dr. Gregory House: Wabbits.

Dr. Gregory House: How's Cameron?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Dr. Cameron?
Dr. Gregory House: Sure. Let's start with her and then move on to all the other Camerons we know.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm sorry. I'm just not used to you asking about someone's well-being.
Dr. Gregory House: I can understand how the question would surprise you. I didn't quite get how it would confuse you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Why do you wanna know?
Dr. Gregory House: Why do you wanna know why I wanna know?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Just... curious.
Dr. Gregory House: Me, too.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You don't get curious.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm the most curious man in the world.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Not about trivialities.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, then, this must not be trivial.

Dr. Eric Foreman: He's really talking to a patient?
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't know who I am anymore.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Oh-ho. Deflecting a personal question with a joke. Gee, who do I know that does THAT?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, I'm just like him - except for the angry, bitter, pompous cripple part.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe we should all pitch in and get you a nice cane. You already have the matching gym shoes.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You make enough calls, one of 'em is bound to be right.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, he's just a lucky, lucky guy.

Dr. Gregory House: Clue number one: if I were Jesus, curing this kid would be as easy as turning water into wine.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Demonic possession?
Dr. Gregory House: Close, but no wafer.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't have the right to show interest in someone?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You absolutely do. And I absolutely have the right to humiliate you for it.

Dr. Gregory House: His MRI showed that the leg pain wasn't caused by the self-injection. It wasn't caused by an infection. It was an aneurysm that clotted. Leading to an infarction.
Dr. Eric Foreman: My God, you were right. It's House.

Dr. Gregory House: Okay, that's enough about the volleyball player. What's up with the farmer?
Dr. Eric Foreman: What farmer?
Dr. Gregory House: Snakebite guy.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, right, you guys don't know about him. He doesn't get bitten until three months after we treat the volleyball player. Luckily, it's been well established that time is not a fixed construct.

Dr. Gregory House: Oxygen saturation is 94%, check her heart.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Her oxygen saturation is normal.
Dr. Gregory House: It's off by one percentage point.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Within range. It's normal.
Dr. Gregory House: If her DNA was off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin.

You really want to screw Whitey? Be one of the few black men who live long enough to collect social security. Take the medicine.

So if you break an arbitrary rule, Cameron damns you to hell. But if you break a rule that actually has a reason, that's designed to protect people, Cameron develops a crazy crush on you.

Dr. Allison Cameron: This is not what she wants!
Dr. Eric Foreman: She's being manipulated by a morally guilty brother and a legally guiltier doctor.
Dr. Robert Chase: You think she wants to die?
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's dying either way.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Can I talk to you about something in confidence?
Dr. Wilson: Of course.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's about House.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, then, no.

Dr. Eric Foreman: If a human being had actually looked at his blood anywhere along the way, instead of just running tests through the computer, parasites would have jumped right out at them.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Price of the electronic age.

Dr. Robert Chase: The only thing you've been asked to do is supervise House in case he does something insane.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which might, you know, save a life.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Look, a few weeks ago, you were upset that I didn't consider you a friend. Now you're upset that I'm happy?
Dr. Allison Cameron: What can I say? Apparently I'm a bitch.

Dr. Gregory House: He's got a temperature of 103.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And why do we care?
Dr. Gregory House: Because we're human beings. It's what we do.

Whose side are you on, senator? First respect his wishes, then invade Iraq, then get the troops home. Make up your mind.

My exes have usually been black, so what? Its not a racial thing, its cultural. I have more in common with them, like, I assume you only date emotionally stunted bigots.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Not for long, he wants to be discharged!
Dr. Gregory House: Of course he does. Places to go, people to eat!

Dr. Eric Foreman: House, you're pathetic! You'll analyze anyone's faults, hypocrisies, weaknesses. But this kid's got some strength and all of a sudden, there's no time to talk about anything but the medicine.
Dr. Gregory House: He's teaching prepubescent kids that truth matters, God doesn't, and life sucks. I like him.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Where's Cuddy?
Dr. Gregory House: In this drawer. It's a rescue mission, but I got it under control. You can leave.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House] You just don't want a cancer diagnosis because then you'd have to deal with Wilson.
Dr. Gregory House: Lung cancer is a lame diagnosis. Avoiding Wilson is an added bonus.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Change is hard, trust me, I know. But it worked out for me.
Stevie Lipa: You're a successful doctor. Your name is on journal articles. I would love that. It's just... I see you with doctors Chase and Cameron. You all got empty ring fingers. You're alone.

Dr. Eric Foreman: This is definitely different.
Dr. Robert Chase: It looks almost like...
Dr. Cameron: He's caring.

Dr. Eric Foreman: So, the sleep lab. You and Cameron not sleeping. How serious is it?
Dr. Robert Chase: It's nothing. She's only doing it to make House jealous.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then why are you doing it?
Dr. Robert Chase: You kidding?

Dr. Eric Foreman: He has... acute scrotum.
Dr. Gregory House: Adorable. Please... much more dignified.
Dr. Gregory House: C'mon, how am I not supposed to make that joke?

Dr. Eric Foreman: The family has one kid with leukemia and one with autoimmune. Wouldn't stand next to them in a rainstorm.
Dr. Gregory House: That's your argument? It sucks for them?

Dr. Eric Foreman: We were wrong and we're going to keep being wrong until we're right.
Latino Fellow: Or until she dies.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, that was very helpful. Need a team to tell me we're mortals.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Chase won every one of those bets. So, either you're just really nice, or... what's your cut?
Dr. Gregory House: 50%. How bad do you want to keep your job?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'll keep my mouth shut.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You've been humiliated, treated like crap. You have every right to be miserable, but you're not. Because even those this job is insane and House is insane, you like it. You always have.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You know what's worse than a sanctimonious speech? A sanctimonious speech that's dead wrong!
Dr. Allison Cameron: See? You belong with House.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Didn't think you had the guts to stage a coup.
Dr. Chris Taub: Coup failed. I'm scheduled for execution at dawn.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No, you're not.
Dr. Chris Taub: No reprieve from the governor.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You're a test result away from becoming House's front-runner. He doesn't care about what you said or what you did five minutes ago. He just wants the next good idea.

Dr. Gregory House: I need you to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy.
Dr. Gregory House: Not kidding. Thong. Cuddy. Go!
Dr. Eric Foreman: That's how I got hired.

Dr. Eric Foreman: That'll tell us if her kidney function's declining. If it is, he's right. Struvite stone's most likely explanation. If not, she's right.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Sorry, I know how you like to avoid avoiding confrontation.

Dr. Eric Foreman: People who have a problem with boxes are people who don't fit in them.
Thirteen: You've been working for House for a long time.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No need for name calling.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You're bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: A little thing called a bus crash. It's just a scalp laceration. It could be hidden in his optic chiasm.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's coming from your ear. You think that's a good thing?

Dr. Eric Foreman: You're doing drugs, staying up all night, having sex with strangers.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: It sounds like fun to me.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Three days ago, you said "no."
Dr. Gregory House: Three days ago, you asked me. Now you told me. Can't say "no" if it's not a question.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You're a hypocrite! If our job is to find out what's killing patients, you'd help this kid. But you'd rather play mind games to prove you're the only one with magical powers.
Dr. Gregory House: You wanted something all your own. Now you've got it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Must've been horrible watching her die.
Thirteen: I wanted her to die. She just... yelled so much, and for no reason. Just screamed at me in front of my friends. My father tried to explain to me that her brain was literally shrinking, that she didn't mean it. That it was the disease. But I didn't care. I hated her. I never said good-bye. And she died with me hating her.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Her trial results are already compromised just from the fact that I know. As long as she's wasting her time, why not give her something that might actually help her?
Dr. Robert Chase: Valid point. Except for the fact that it's a load of crap. Don't be an idiot.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Pain could be caused by a blind uterus hidden in his abdomen. He needs an MRI.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Right, boy with girl genes. I'm sure you're the first doctor brilliant enough to check for a uterus.

Dr. Gregory House: Here puss, puss, puss, puss, puss.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Say "puss" one more time. It's the sixth puss that really does it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Bought my first girlfriend a necklace. It was silver. It cost 180 bucks. Had to save for six months. She hated it.
Lee: Really, seriously? Did you tell this story to someone who could walk away?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Never bought another girlfriend jewelry again. Until Dr. Hadley.
Lee: You're dating her? You might want to start all your stories with that.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Same thing. She didn't even wear it.
Lee: The diamond thing? She was wearing it the other day.
Dr. Eric Foreman: If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it. Apparently, I suck at picking out jewelry, but at least have the guts to tell me.
Lee: Okay, getting boring again. How long till we know if this treatment is working?

Dr. Gregory House: So, what can shred an epiglottis and make muscle disappear?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Mr. and Mrs. Kutner. They caused Kutner's death. Why not Charlotte's?
Dr. Gregory House: Mourning period's over. Foreman's sense of irony is back.

Thirteen - Dr. Hadley: Maybe he's looking for someone to mother him after what happened.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Only kind of mothering House wants involves a bullwhip, leather diapers, and a credit card.

Dr. Eric Foreman: So you're okay with House getting Chase smashed enough to make a stupid mistake?
Thirteen: Being drunk doesn't change who you are, it just reveals it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Think she can do the broken cowboy?
Thirteen: God, I hope so.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Think she can do the broken cowboy?
Thirteen: God, I hope so.

She married a dying guy. She has issues. You cannot leave her... ever! For any reason, because then you're not just the guy who left her, you're the guy who killed her kids.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I want to run the department.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You consider waiting until House clears the lobby before you start angling for his job?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's not dead, or sentimental. And somebody needs to do it.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Not necessarily, Departments of Diagnostic Medicine don't exist. The only reason we have one is because... of House.

Dr. Eric Foreman: When is he getting his license back so we can stop playing this game?
Dr. Gregory House: Maybe never. This game is fun.

Dr. Gregory House: By the way, someone screwed over your girlfriend. She ran to me, Cuddy, and Wilson... everyone, but you. She's not over you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Or she is.

Dr. Eric Foreman: He was briefly conscious, then his systolic dipped below sixty and he was out again.
Dr. Gregory House: Differential diagnosis for resurrection - go.

Dr. Gregory House: Taub thinks it's a brain issue. Thirteen thinks it's multi-focal.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And neither of them wants to work here.
Dr. Gregory House: Don't take their word for it. Taub's problem is his wife. Thirteen's problem is you. Chase and Cameron's problem is the dead African dictator. None of them has a problem with the work.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You really think you'd be happier with someone who could spell better?
James Sidas: No. That's the problem. I'm the one who's a jerk. But I owe her everything. I want to *want* to be with her. And when I'm clear, I... I can't.

The phrase "Who's your daddy?" comes to mind.

I did it for me, not you. I realized that right after I fired you, but I couldn't admit it. Screwed everything up. I hope that we can still work together.

Marcus Foreman: I won't let you down.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Don't do that. Let's just... see how it goes. So uh, do they mandate that you stay here at the halfway house or... can you come stay with family?

Dr. Gregory House: So either we find the answer at autopsy or...
Dr. Eric Foreman: What?
Dr. Gregory House: I got nothing.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm not telling a mother who's scared out of her mind that our best shot is a magical shot.
Dr. Gregory House: It's not magical. It's experimental. Like washing your hands after pooping once was. And technically it's not our best shot, I'm pretty sure it's our only shot.

Dr. Eric Foreman: So, we bot have a few regrets.
Dr. Chris Taub: You should be proud of yours. You life's been trending up.

Dr. Chris Taub: Come on. We have a tiny window of opportunity to gain some insight into our collegues... Okay, what if we just snooped on our boss?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think I can live with that.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You can't blame yourself for her death. This wasn't your fault.
Dr. Gregory House: THAT'S THE POINT! I did everything right. She died anyway! Why the Hell do you think that would make me feel any better?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You shouldn't be alone right now... You're bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm going to give you a task as an employee: get out of my way!

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Is that your passive-aggressive way of asking me if I'm seeing somebody else?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I hope you are. I mean... I hope you have someone with you. If I'm scared about this, I can't imagine how you must feel. You shouldn't be alone. If you want... I could fly over for a few days. Friends.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I appreciate that, but I think I'll be okay. I guess we took the long way around to being friends, huh?

Dr. Eric Foreman: A Scare test is insane.
Dr. Taub: Scare test is legitimate. Simulates real world conditions. This fling with Cuddy is insane. Flare gun? Scary enough?
Dr. Eric Foreman: How about just telling her we're planning this stupid test? And I'm hoping House and Cuddy are more than just a fling. It's clearly mellowed him out. He didn't even care about Thirteen.
Dr. Taub: Right, the guy who ordered us to stop the patient's heart has mellowed out. It's gonna be horrible because it's doomed. Which is just gonna make House 50 times more of a crank. Firecrackers! We can hide 'em under one of those covered food trays.

Dr. Chris Taub: What the Hell?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Close. House.

Dr. Chris Taub: We're dead on our feet. I've barely slept in four days.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh that's sad. You know what's even sadder? Thirteen was the only man on my team.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, it'd be nice if you'd hurry up and hire someone to fill her spot.
Dr. Gregory House: Do it. Cuddy wants it to be a girl.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There are a couple of people...
Dr. Gregory House: I was talking to Chase. I was just looking at you to screw with you.

Dr. Robert Chase: You think Taub really comes across as the most trustworthy doctor here?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I knew it was bugging you.
Dr. Robert Chase: They cut me out.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You're a pretty boy. Works well with the ladies, not so much with the patients. No one wants an underwear model performing their splenectomy.
Dr. Robert Chase: I notice they weren't exactly knocking down your door looking for Dr. Trustworthy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: That's 'cause I'm black. Cortisol levels look normal. We were wrong. Which House will interpret as him being right. He's gonna make us biopsy the pituitary gland.
Dr. Robert Chase: You seem pretty calm for a guy who's surrounded by racists.
Dr. Eric Foreman: 80% of the Princeton population is white. Some are racist, some aren't. White works with both demographics.
Dr. Robert Chase: So race is your excuse, not the fact that you usually look like you're about to punch someone in the face?
Dr. Eric Foreman: We're good.

Dr. Gregory House: Prep him for exploratory surgery and start the betting.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Betting?
Dr. Gregory House: I got a hundred bucks says it's a pea.

Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy is getting an award. I think we should all be there. Show our support.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I assume you're planning on screwing it up, so you want to maximize witnesses.
Dr. Gregory House: Why does everyone go there?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Experience.
Dr. Gregory House: Shut up!... How about go or work at the Clinic all weekend? I hear it's "Genital Herpes Awareness" month.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Although, maybe we should have just played a few games of "Savage 21: The Revenge" Because that's obviously the best way to make someone feel better.
Dr. Gregory House: Keep talking like Wilson, and your face is gonna freeze like that.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Look, however bad you think you're gonna be in that room, not being there is worse.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Would you slow down? You're gonna get us arrested!
Dr. Chris Taub: I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first!
Dr. Gregory House: Don't make me take my shoe off!

Dr. Chris Taub: I think we should boycott this wedding on principle.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I kind of have to go. His fiancee did give me a foot massage. And he invited me to be in his wedding party.
Dr. Chris Taub: W-What about Chase? Did he ask him?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yep. He's in it.
Dr. Chris Taub: What the Hell?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You said you weren't even going.
Dr. Chris Taub: I still have feelings.

Dr. Chris Taub: No electric. No gas either. It's cold in here.
Dr. Eric Foreman: The good thing is, I've found a guy who makes you look like a good roommate.
Dr. Chris Taub: Haha. Maybe hoarding is a symptom.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, I'm impressed. Messing around with a 22 year-old hottie with your wife on my sofa. You're a full throttle headcase.
Dr. Chris Taub: I was doing you a solid with the sofa. Rachel wanted to do it in your bed. You've got the memory phone top.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Let's make it really simple. If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
Dr. Chris Taub: You... might want to get rid of your kitchen table... Look I'm sorry, but it was worth it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Would you slow down? You're gonna get us arrested!
Dr. Chris Taub: I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first!
Dr. Gregory House: Don't make me take my shoe off!

Dr. Eric Foreman: What about Chase? You believe all that nonsense about him being celibat?
Dr. Chris Taub: Don't know. But I'm rooting for him. Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then you're going to be miserable.
Dr. Chris Taub: Those studies, it's important that they have control.

Dr. Eric Foreman: We could or we could assume something's seriously wrong with House and try to do something about that. That way, even if we're wrong, nobody dies.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House is fine. House is always fine.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm expanding my theory. He's avoiding you, and you're avoiding him. And this patient is going to die.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Not if you do your job.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Get this straight. You break the law, you go back to jail. Scam extra Vicodin, back to jail. Flout my authority, make the hospital look bad, back to jail. I own you.
Dr. Gregory House: Yes, massa.
Dr. Eric Foreman: See, that would be an example.

You're covering for him. I did the same thing many times. My advice: figure out what line you aren't willing to cross for him, cause eventually he'll ask you to cross it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: What's House up to? He hasn't asked me for anything. He's been incredibly well behaved. He's doing his clinic hours.
Dr. James Wilson: That is a sign of concern.

Dr. Eric Foreman: My job is to be the jerk. House has to believe I have authority over him.
Dr. James Wilson: He can't function under someone's thumb.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I know which means you can't go either.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Your job is to be his friend -to stay here and watch the fight on pay-per-view while bitching about me. If we both do our jobs, we might actually get him through his parole.

Dr. James Wilson: Why do you care if he works on two cases?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Because next it'll be 3 cases, then 4. Then animal cases and ghost cases. And then animal ghost cases. Assuming we are talking about House.

Dr. Eric Foreman: House is brilliant. I give him the benefit of the doubt most of the time because I've seen what he can do.
Dr. Walter Cofield: Getting House out of prison is the biggest decision you've made as Dean of Medicine, right? And if he's suspended as a result of this hearing, he violates his parole and he goes back. And that probably leaves you as former Dean of Medicine.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I suppose so.
Dr. Walter Cofield: You didn't choose me to oversee this because you thought I could be objective. You chose me because you thought I'd have your back and I'd think twice about making a decision that would get you fired.
Dr. Walter Cofield: Eric, I'm sorry, but if your get-House-out-of-jail-free experiment blows up in your face, it's not my job to get you out of it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You don't have to work for House, but you do owe me twenty clinic hours.
Dr. Robert Chase: What? Getting knife doesn't buy me an extension?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Buys you whatever you need, but I know you. If all you do is physical therapy and your nighttime version of it, you'll loose your mind faster than your regain of your fine motor skills.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Why not? As long as he doesn't feed the kid anything or put anything on his skin that we haven't verified is harmless, what's the problem?
Dr. Gregory House: I agree. And since we're establishing a new policy of "What the hell, we'll try anything," I'd like to hire Shakira to belly dance while singing "Waka Waka."

Dr. Eric Foreman: She knows more about her daughter's genetic condition than any of you. She'll be an asset.
Dr. Robert Chase: Or she won't, Eric.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This isn't a request. Use her.

Dr. James Wilson: You think he could have done something stupid?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think stupid is our best case scenario.