Dr. Chris Taub Quotes

Latest Dr. Chris Taub quotes from House M.D.

Dr. Chris Taub

Dr. Chris Taub chatacter image

Dr. Chris Taub is played by Peter Jacobson in House M.D..


Dr. Eric Foreman: Would you slow down? You're gonna get us arrested!
Dr. Chris Taub: I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first!
Dr. Gregory House: Don't make me take my shoe off!

Dr. Eric Foreman: So, we bot have a few regrets.
Dr. Chris Taub: You should be proud of yours. You life's been trending up.

Dr. Chris Taub: Come on. We have a tiny window of opportunity to gain some insight into our collegues... Okay, what if we just snooped on our boss?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think I can live with that.

Dr. Chris Taub: What's that?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I'm asking for some time off.
Dr. Chris Taub: What's wrong?
Dr. Chris Taub: Are you okay?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Obviously not.

Dr. Eric Foreman: A Scare test is insane.
Dr. Taub: Scare test is legitimate. Simulates real world conditions. This fling with Cuddy is insane. Flare gun? Scary enough?
Dr. Eric Foreman: How about just telling her we're planning this stupid test? And I'm hoping House and Cuddy are more than just a fling. It's clearly mellowed him out. He didn't even care about Thirteen.
Dr. Taub: Right, the guy who ordered us to stop the patient's heart has mellowed out. It's gonna be horrible because it's doomed. Which is just gonna make House 50 times more of a crank. Firecrackers! We can hide 'em under one of those covered food trays.

Dr. Taub: And you're not worried you're being selfless to the point of self-denial?
Della: You've never been inspired by someone?


Dr. Chris Taub: What the Hell?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Close. House.

Dr. Chris Taub: We're dead on our feet. I've barely slept in four days.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh that's sad. You know what's even sadder? Thirteen was the only man on my team.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, it'd be nice if you'd hurry up and hire someone to fill her spot.
Dr. Gregory House: Do it. Cuddy wants it to be a girl.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There are a couple of people...
Dr. Gregory House: I was talking to Chase. I was just looking at you to screw with you.

Abbey: What are the risks to putting my baby on chemo?
Dr. Chris Taub: It could damage her brain or affect her development. But these risks are small compared to the risks you would be taking by leaving your cancers untreated.
Abbey: I want to wait.


Dr. Eric Foreman: Would you slow down? You're gonna get us arrested!
Dr. Chris Taub: I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first!
Dr. Gregory House: Don't make me take my shoe off!

Dr. Chris Taub: I think we should boycott this wedding on principle.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I kind of have to go. His fiancee did give me a foot massage. And he invited me to be in his wedding party.
Dr. Chris Taub: W-What about Chase? Did he ask him?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yep. He's in it.
Dr. Chris Taub: What the Hell?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You said you weren't even going.
Dr. Chris Taub: I still have feelings.

Dr. Chris Taub: No electric. No gas either. It's cold in here.
Dr. Eric Foreman: The good thing is, I've found a guy who makes you look like a good roommate.
Dr. Chris Taub: Haha. Maybe hoarding is a symptom.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, I'm impressed. Messing around with a 22 year-old hottie with your wife on my sofa. You're a full throttle headcase.
Dr. Chris Taub: I was doing you a solid with the sofa. Rachel wanted to do it in your bed. You've got the memory phone top.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Let's make it really simple. If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
Dr. Chris Taub: You... might want to get rid of your kitchen table... Look I'm sorry, but it was worth it.

Dr. Chris Taub: If she thinks I'm cheating she would ask.
Thirteen: Because you tell the truth.
Dr. Chris Taub: I'm not seeing anyone else.
Thirteen: Doesn't matter. You have a history. And that's not her fault.
Dr. Chris Taub: What am I supposed to do? I can't prove a negative.
Thirteen: That is a problem.

Dr. Eric Foreman: What about Chase? You believe all that nonsense about him being celibat?
Dr. Chris Taub: Don't know. But I'm rooting for him. Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then you're going to be miserable.
Dr. Chris Taub: Those studies, it's important that they have control.

Dr. Chris Taub: Anti-anxiety medications would explain it. If we keep her off it, she'll be moody, but healthy.
Dr. Chris Taub: Or it's something else.


Dr. Gregory House: [When House and his team are at Chase's bedside] Lungs, rash, now excessive RR variability. Go.
Dr. Chris Taub: It's a hospital. There are lots of doctors who can take care of him.
Dr. Gregory House: And your thinking is that only you guys are qualified to sit in this room doing nothing? If you're motivated by caring, just bear in mind, he's a dedicated chemistry teacher with a pretty wife and adoring students, baby on the way.
Dr. Jessica Adams: She's not pregnant.
Dr. Gregory House: Would it make a difference? 'Cause I could knock her up. Autonomic dysregulation...
Dr. Jessica Adams: Shut up.

House is a dictator. Second in command is a meaningless position.


According to your psych eval, the only thing happier than you is Disneyland.


Dr. Chi Park: Have you ever paid for sex?
Dr. Chris Taub: Every guy who has ever seen a Merchant-Ivory movie has paid for sex


Dr. Chris Taub: Give the band guy a call.
Dr. Chi Park: I'm not that good at guitar.
Dr. Chris Taub: Or flirting, or small talk.
Dr. Chi Park: I'm not as pretty as Adams, I have stuffy clothes and I hate my hair.
Dr. Chris Taub: Adams works eighty hours a week fixing bunions on hobos because she *can't* face getting to know someone new. Trust me, you find a boyfriend, she'll be the jealous one.


Dr. Chris Taub: Can you please hint to House that you had a sex dream? I'd really prefer not to get distracted with trying to cure the patient today.
Dr. Jessica Adams: I refuse to divulge my dreams about girl-on-girl loofa action.


Dr. Chris Taub: House taking time off is a bad sign.
Dr. Jessica Adams: A bad sign. You think the apocalypse is coming because House wants to be there for Wilson?
Dr. Chris Taub: Yes. You're new.


You want to lie to a guy who's favorite pastime is getting doctors fired?


Dr. Chris Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain.
Dr. Gregory House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?

Dr. Chris Taub: Funny how the two people in the room who think relationships are easy, are both single.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: I don't think they're easy. That's why I think if you find something that could be good, you should hang on to it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Everything could be good. Very little ever is.

 She's bleeding from... nowhere. image

She's bleeding from... nowhere.


Who wants to go service House so this patient can live?


Dr. Chris Taub: Cancer made no sense. The head and heart make less than no sense.
Lucas Douglas: That makes no sense.
Dr. Chris Taub: I know. I was making a point.
Lucas Douglas: Oh, good. I thought you were an idiot.
Dr. Chris Taub: Why are you talking?
Lucas Douglas: Oh, the guy doing manual labor can't have an opinion? I might be a genius who just happens to have a passion for fixing coffee machines. No, I'm obviously not, but that's rude to make assumptions about people.


Dr. Chris Taub: You've discovered that one of us has been hiding the ability to stretch or shrink themselves?
Dr. Gregory House: No. I would never out someone's superpowers.

Dr. Chris Taub: House, call your mom.
Dr. Gregory House: What are you? My mom?

Dr. Chris Taub: Uh... we're not cops. Cops aren't allowed to say that, right?
Sadie: Yeah. They can say it.
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh.
Sadie: But if you were a cop, you would know that. What do you want?
Dr. Chris Taub: Um... I'd like to buy some cocaine please.
Sadie: Definitely not a cop.


Dr. Chris Taub: Blood in the field. Not where I'm looking.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: How am I supposed to know where you're looking?
Dr. Chris Taub: Here's a hint: it's the bloody part.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: The whole thing's bloody. It's a guy with a hole in his body.

Dr. Chris Taub: If you're this grown up at 16, what happens at 30?
Thirteen: You turn back into a kid... like Kutner.
Dr. Chris Taub: Kutner's not that bad.
Thirteen: He needs everything to be nice. Wants to see the best in everyone.

Dr. Chris Taub: Why aren't we doing this in your office?
Dr. Gregory House: Obviously, because it would be stupid to do this in an office with no furniture. Cuddy overreacted to my overreaction.

Dr. Gregory House: Come on, you're from one of the Twelve Tribes, you must know a ton of schysters.
Dr. Chris Taub: What type of lawyer do you need? I'll bring it up at the next world domination subcommittee meeting.

Dr. Gregory House: Because that would let Cameron in on the fact that I never intended to do it.
Dr. Chris Taub: This is going to be convoluted, isn't it?
Dr. Gregory House: Figured I'd ask her for something really crazy, so she'd shoot me down and get the whole I-can-control-House thing out of her perky little system. So the next time I went back and ask for something marginally crazy, she would see marginally reasonable and she'd say "yes." So yeah, slightly convulted.
Dr. Chris Taub: We're screwed.

Dr. Chris Taub: I always worry on my deathbed I'll think "I didn't do anything really important."
Dana Miller: You're gonna spend one day of your life on your deathbed. The other 25,000 are the ones we should be worrying about. Go to bed happy tonight.


Dr. Gregory House: The trauma must have stimulated a pre-existing heart condition.
Dr. Chris Taub: Autoimmune congenital anomaly, blood clotting disorder, lead poisoning...
Thirteen: Could be anything.
Dr. Gregory House: Great! Let's explore that. Quick, get her on panacea.

Dr. Chris Taub: Her neural exam was normal. No subsequent seizures. It's not life threatening. It's not important.
Dr. Gregory House: Luckily, neither are you.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Why are you pushing the crash cart?
Dr. Gregory House: Because patients sometimes crash, and they haven't yet invented a crash tractor for me to drive wildly around the hallways.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: What are you doing?
Dr. Gregory House: "No, Mr. Bond - I expect you to die."

This is gonna mean months of sleepless nights wondering if I could've done something differently. Maybe it's not that I'm sick of House... it's that I'm sick of being scared out of my mind to go to work every day.


Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Don't toy with him. If you're going to fire him...
Dr. Gregory House: Fact that he stole your idea means that he cares enough to lie. That's all I needed to know.

Dr. Chris Taub: What if we put her on a heart-lung machine?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: She's septic. We don't need a heart-lung machine. We need a blood-vessel-hold-her-together machine.

Life's too short too worry about money.


Dr. Chris Taub: We were screwing with Foreman. Trying to make him think he made less money than we did. Obviously, things got out of control.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, someone does something stupid and insensitive, I always figure it was House. Good to know it's catching.

Dr. Gregory House: Those of you who haven't slept together, you can go. Everyone else, stay behind.
Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, sorry.
Dr. Chris Taub: That was our secret, right?

Dr. Gregory House: I don't need to see the scan. I can tell from your little puppy dog eyes that his pituitary's fine. Are you gonna say it or should I?
Dr. Chris Taub: You were right about the steroids. You're a genius.
Dr. Gregory House: Next time with feeling.


Dr. Gregory House: Knowing too much about each other is *exactly* why people leave small towns and move to city.
Dr. Chris Taub: And a lot of people choose to stay behind in return for zero privacy, you get community, connection.

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