Monica Geller Quotes

Monica: So, can we still be friends and have sex?
Richard: Sure, it'll just be something we do together, like racquetball.

Do you think he knew I was here?

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

Monica: Chandler loves my massages.
Chandler: No, actually, he doesn't.
Monica: The minute we start to lie to each other...
Monica: And, by we, I mean society.

Monica Geller-Bing: Can you believe it? We're the only ones who are leaving here with the same person we came here with.
Chandler Bing: That's not true, I came with Monica and I am leaving with Weird Al.

Dr. Connelly: Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know. So keep having sex on a regular basis.
Chandler Bing: Oh, dammit!
Monica Geller Bing: Don't worry; after a while, you'll tune it out.

Dr. Connelly: Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know. So keep having sex on a regular basis.
Chandler Bing: Oh, dammit!
Monica Geller Bing: Don't worry; after a while, you'll tune it out.

Monica: Why don't you take Ross?
Ross: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
Monica: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross: I guess... It still seems a little... moonlight boat ride?

Chandler Bing: there she is, my beautifully proportioned wife
Monica Geller-Bing: what?
Chandler Bing: There is not a single thing I'd change about you and certainly not "two" single things
Monica Geller-Bing: Ok why are you acting weird? Do you want sex? Or did you do something bad?

Monica: Oh, my god. Chandler. Why aren't you in Tulsa? Won't you get fired?
Chandler: They can't fire me because I quit. I mean, why should everybody else do what they like, except for me.
Monica: Oh, I'm so happy.
Chandler: And, by the way, here are your Christmas presents.
Ross: "A donation has been made in your name to the New York Ballet".
Chandler: Ok, I don't have a JOB.

Rachel Green: I can't - I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me, please.
Phoebe Buffay: It's negative.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: It's negative.
Rachel Green: Oh. Well, there you go. Phew. That's great. That is really, really great news. You know? Because the whole not-being-ready and financial aspects - all that stuff. This is all just the way it's supposed to be.
Monica Geller-Bing: Well, then great.
Rachel Green: Thanks. God, this is so stupid. How can I be upset over something I never had?... It's negative?
Phoebe Buffay: No, it's positive.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: It's not negative; it's positive.
Rachel Green: Are you sure?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah - I lied before.
Phoebe Buffay: Now you know how you really feel about it.
Rachel Green: Oh, that's a risky little game.
Monica Geller-Bing: Are you really going to do this?
Rachel Green: Yeah. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby!
Phoebe Buffay: With who?
Rachel Green: Aw, it's still not the time.

Rachel Green: Wait a minute - you let Ross drive the Porsche, and when I ask, you say you're the only one who's allowed to drive it.
Monica Geller: Yeah - well, he's my brother; and plus, he drives so slow, he could never hurt it.
Dr. Ross Geller: It's a car, not a rocket ship.
Monica Geller: Whatever. Ross, just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done.

Monica Geller: Hey, You think you can keep it another night?
Chandler: Santa, really?
Monica Geller: Yeah, is that ok?
Chandler: Did your dad ever dress up like santa?
Monica Geller: No...
Chandler: Then it's okay!

Monica: Chandler loves my massages.
Chandler: No, actually, he doesn't.
Monica: The minute we start to lie to each other...
Monica: And, by we, I mean society.

Chandler: Open up, open up, open up!
Monica Geller: We'll discuss it in the morning!
Chandler: What the hell is going on?
Rachel Green: We took our apartment back!
Phoebe Buffay: I had nothing to do with it. Okay, it was my idea, but I don't feel good about it.
Chandler: We are switching back right now!
Monica Geller: No we're not! We're not leaving!
Chandler: Well, you're gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we're switching it back! There's nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?
Joey: I don't know.
Chandler: What?
Joey: I don't wanna move again!
Chandler: I don't care, this is our apartment! And they stole-you stole it-our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I'm getting back right now!
Rachel Green: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can't offer anything to us!
Rachel Green: Let us keep the apartment and...
Monica Geller: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.
Chandler: Totally worth it!
Joey: That was one good minute!

Joey Tribbiani: Hey, look, a new Playboy.
Monica Geller: Yeah. Just something I picked up.
Dr. Ross Geller: Cookies and porn? You're the best mom ever.

Joey: Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Monica: Alright, alright. I got stung. I got stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.
Chandler: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
Monica: I was in too much pain.
Joey: And I was tired from digging a huge hole!
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something...
Joey: I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
Ross: Wait a minute, I saw that, on the Discovery Channel. About jellyfish, and how if you... Eww! You peed on yourself?
Phoebe, Rachel: Eww!
Monica: You can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way. So...
Phoebe, Ross, Rachel: Eww!
Joey: Yeah that's right. I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help. And if I have to I'd pee on any one of you. Only, I couldn't... I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure. So, so I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: Joey kept screaming at me. Do it now, do it, do it, do it, do it now! Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming.
Joey: That's cause sometimes I scream it through my wall just to freak you out.
Rachel: Maybe there's someone you can talk to.
Monica: Yeah like who? There's no group for people like us.

Chandler Bing: Besides, worse comes to worse, I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica Geller: Yeah, right.
Chandler Bing: Why is that so funny?
Monica Geller: You made a joke, right? So I laughed.
Chandler Bing: A little too hard. What, am I not boyfriend material?
Monica Geller: No, your Chandler. You know, Chandler?
Chandler Bing: Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me.
Chandler Bing: But theoretically, you know, I mean, say we weren't friends, it's a blind date, I show up on your door and I'm like,
Chandler Bing: "Hey, nice to meet you, hey, hey."
Monica Geller: I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.

Chandler Bing: Hi Janice, hold on
Chandler Bing: what do I do?
Rachel Green: I don't know
Monica Geller: If we did, what you did, no man would ever call us again, act like you just woke up, be sleepy
Rachel Green: And grumpy
Chandler Bing: Stop naming dwarfs!

Monica: I saw you eat a cheeseburger!
Monica: Well, didn't you?
Phoebe: I might have.
Monica: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Phoebe: C'mon. Like you tell me everything?
Monica: What haven't I told you?
Phoebe: Oh I don't know. How about the fact that the underwear out on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace!
Monica: Who told you that?
Monica: You are dead meat.
Chandler: I didn't know if was a big secret.
Monica: Oh, it's not big. Not at all. You know, kind of the same as, I don't know, a third nipple!
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
Chandler: You bitch!
Ross: Whip it out! Whip it out!
Chandler: No. C'mon! There's nothing to see. It's a tiny bump. It's totally useless.
Rachel: As opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Joey: I can't believe you! You told me it was a nubbin!
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word. I thought that was it. Let me see it again!
Ross: Yes! Show us your nubbin!
Chandler: [Doesn't know what to say while everyone comes at him] Joey was in a porno movie!
Chandler: If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.

Rachel: I use my breasts to get other peoples attention.
Monica: WE BOTH DO THAT.

Monica Geller: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey Tribbiani: Probably kill myself.
Monica Geller: Excuse me?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Dr. Ross Geller: Uhm, Joey... OMNI-potent.
Joey Tribbiani: You are? I'm so sorry.