Friends Quotes

Best Friends Tv Show Quotes

Friends

Friends   image

Directed by: Ben Winston
Creator: David Crane, Marta Kauffman
Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow
Released on: September 22, 1994
Taglines: You can never have enough Friends! I'll Be There For You Spend some time with your Friends All you need is Friends! They're the Friends we've grown to love... It's like, so the final season

Friends Quotes

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it. image

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break. image

And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break.

They look great. How you doing? image

They look great. How you doing?

Monica: So, can we still be friends and have sex?
Richard: Sure, it'll just be something we do together, like racquetball. image

Monica: So, can we still be friends and have sex?
Richard: Sure, it'll just be something we do together, like racquetball.

Do you think he knew I was here? image

Do you think he knew I was here?

Pivot. Pi-vot. PI-VOT. image

Pivot. Pi-vot. PI-VOT.

Uh, Joey, some people don't like that. image

Uh, Joey, some people don't like that.

I feel violated. And not in a good way. image

I feel violated. And not in a good way.

My audition is tomorrow. Che ble blah. Me la pee! Oublah! Poo. image

My audition is tomorrow. Che ble blah. Me la pee! Oublah! Poo.

Okay, now remember: no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. image

Okay, now remember: no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.

Too... many... jokes! Must... mock... Joey! image

Too... many... jokes! Must... mock... Joey!

Monica Geller: No, you messed it up. You're stupid. image

Monica Geller: No, you messed it up. You're stupid.

Rachel Green: Wait a minute - you let Ross drive the Porsche, and when I ask, you say you're the only one who's allowed to drive it.
Monica Geller: Yeah - well, he's my brother; and plus, he drives so slow, he could never hurt it.
Dr. Ross Geller: It's a car, not a rocket ship.
Monica Geller: Whatever. Ross, just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done.

Joey Tribbiani: They want me to be totally naked in the movie.
Monica Geller: Wow!
Joey Tribbiani: I know. My grandma's gonna see this.
Phoebe Buffay: Grandma's gonna have to get in line.

Dr. Ross Geller: How could you tell her?
Chandler Bing: I had to, OK? We're getting married. Married people can't keep secrets from one another!
Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Chandler Bing: Du-ude!
Monica Geller: What happened in Atlantic City?
Dr. Ross Geller: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler Bing: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude!"

Rachel Green: Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben Geller: Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Rachel Green: Don't do that.
Ben Geller: Don't do that.
Rachel Green: Seriously. Your dad doesn't like pranks.
Ben Geller: Seriously. Your dad doesn't like pranks.
Rachel Green: Oh. Damnit!
Ben Geller: Oh. Damnit!
Rachel Green: No, don't say that.
Ben Geller: Damnit!
Rachel Green: Don't go back to repeating it.
Ben Geller: Damnit.
Rachel Green: Aw crap
Ben Geller: Aw crap
Rachel Green: No. Don't.
Ben Geller: Damnit!

Rachel Green: I can't - I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me, please.
Phoebe Buffay: It's negative.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: It's negative.
Rachel Green: Oh. Well, there you go. Phew. That's great. That is really, really great news. You know? Because the whole not-being-ready and financial aspects - all that stuff. This is all just the way it's supposed to be.
Monica Geller-Bing: Well, then great.
Rachel Green: Thanks. God, this is so stupid. How can I be upset over something I never had?... It's negative?
Phoebe Buffay: No, it's positive.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: It's not negative; it's positive.
Rachel Green: Are you sure?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah - I lied before.
Phoebe Buffay: Now you know how you really feel about it.
Rachel Green: Oh, that's a risky little game.
Monica Geller-Bing: Are you really going to do this?
Rachel Green: Yeah. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby!
Phoebe Buffay: With who?
Rachel Green: Aw, it's still not the time.

Rachel Green: OK, take a quarter, blacken the edge, and then say to someone, "I bet you can't roll this quarter without it leaving your face" and when they're done, they have a big pencil line right down the center of their face.
Ben Geller: Can I do it to you?
Rachel Green: I'm funny, Ben. But I'm not stupid.

Rachel Green: OK, take a quarter, blacken the edge, and then say to someone, "I bet you can't roll this quarter without it leaving your face" and when they're done, they have a big pencil line right down the center of their face.
Ben Geller: Can I do it to you?
Rachel Green: I'm funny, Ben. But I'm not stupid.

Joey Tribbiani: No. Rosita does not move.
Rachel Green: I'm sorry? Rosita? As in...
Joey Tribbiani: As in, "Rosita does not move."
Rachel Green: Joey, it's just a chair! What's the big deal?
Joey Tribbiani: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming off of Stevie.
Rachel Green: Stevie the TV?

Monica Geller: Hey, You think you can keep it another night?
Chandler: Santa, really?
Monica Geller: Yeah, is that ok?
Chandler: Did your dad ever dress up like santa?
Monica Geller: No...
Chandler: Then it's okay!

Ross: I don't... Rachel?
Joey: Ross...
Ross: Rachel?
Gunther: RACHEL?

Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup, dude?
Chandler: Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me.
Joey: So, you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack. Playstation is whack. 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.

Chandler: Sir, would you mind if you held out that ring and asked me to marry you?
Jeweler: OK... Will you marry me?
Chandler: Oh, my god - that's it! That's the ring. How much is it?
Phoebe: Wait, Chandler; I'll handle this. How much *is* it?
Jeweler: $8,600.
Phoebe: We will give you ten dollars.

Chandler: Sir, would you mind if you held out that ring and asked me to marry you?
Jeweler: OK... Will you marry me?
Chandler: Oh, my god - that's it! That's the ring. How much is it?
Phoebe: Wait, Chandler; I'll handle this. How much *is* it?
Jeweler: $8,600.
Phoebe: We will give you ten dollars.

Joey: Or you know, you could do...
Ross: What the hell are you doing?
Joey: What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!
Ross: What? How do you even know it's broken?
Joey: You think I don't know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me.
Joey: What do you know? It's broken! That'll be $400.
Chandler: Joey I saw you push him.
Joey: You pushed him!
Ross: Joey, I did not break this, okay?
Ross: That has been broken for a while.
Joey: Hey Chandler, remember when I told you about our fridge?
Chandler: Uh-huh.
Joey: I still haven't gotten a check for your half yet.
Ross: Do not give him any money!
Joey: I'm not talking to you, you broke my fridge!

Rachel: What is it with men? Do wedding vows mean squat to you people?
Ross: Wait. Didn't you spend last night at Joey's?
Rachel: What are you, a detective?

Jill Green: So, what do you think?
Rachel: I-I don't like it.
Jill Green: Really?
Rachel: It's kinda slutty.
Jill Green: It's yours.
Rachel: Well, I'm a slut.
Jill Green: Me too.

Chandler Bing: there she is, my beautifully proportioned wife
Monica Geller-Bing: what?
Chandler Bing: There is not a single thing I'd change about you and certainly not "two" single things
Monica Geller-Bing: Ok why are you acting weird? Do you want sex? Or did you do something bad?

Rachel Green: You really think I didn't say "good-bye" because I don't care?
Dr. Ross Geller: That's what it seemed like.
Rachel Green: I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know one thing about me!
Dr. Ross Geller: Fine! That why didn't you say something?
Rachel Green: Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you! When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go! Okay? So if you think that, that I didn't say "good-bye" to you because you don't mean as much to me as everyone else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there! All right? *There's* your good-bye!
Dr. Ross Geller: Rach!
Rachel Green: What?
Dr. Ross Geller: You ca - ! You keep - ! You can't - !
Rachel Green: What?

Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: You son of a bitch!
Chandler Bing: Is it me, or have the greetings gotten downhill around here?

Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: You son of a bitch!
Chandler Bing: Is it me, or have the greetings gotten downhill around here?

Dr. Ross Geller: Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, ok? But the swings are perfectly safe, and, besides, Emma loves them. You know what? You should come with us and you'll see!
Rachel Green: Ross, those things go like forty miles an hour! There's a moment when you're at the top when you just don't know if you're gonna retun back to earth!
Dr. Ross Geller: Space *is* filled with orbiting children...

Ross: While we're waiting, why don't you guys record your message to Emma?
Chandler: Hi Emma. It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?

Monica Geller-Bing: Can you believe it? We're the only ones who are leaving here with the same person we came here with.
Chandler Bing: That's not true, I came with Monica and I am leaving with Weird Al.

Dr. Connelly: Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know. So keep having sex on a regular basis.
Chandler Bing: Oh, dammit!
Monica Geller Bing: Don't worry; after a while, you'll tune it out.

Dr. Connelly: Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know. So keep having sex on a regular basis.
Chandler Bing: Oh, dammit!
Monica Geller Bing: Don't worry; after a while, you'll tune it out.

Monica: Why don't you take Ross?
Ross: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
Monica: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross: I guess... It still seems a little... moonlight boat ride?

Chandler: That's the magical story you use when you want to have sex!
Rachel: How do you know about that story?
Joey: How do you know about that story?
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy.
Joey: Some guy!
Rachel: No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.
Joey: Ken Adams.

Monica: Oh, my god. Chandler. Why aren't you in Tulsa? Won't you get fired?
Chandler: They can't fire me because I quit. I mean, why should everybody else do what they like, except for me.
Monica: Oh, I'm so happy.
Chandler: And, by the way, here are your Christmas presents.
Ross: "A donation has been made in your name to the New York Ballet".
Chandler: Ok, I don't have a JOB.

Joey Tribbiani: Look, I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses.
Gunther: Ha!
Joey Tribbiani: Gesundheit.
Hayley: I would love to go out with you.
Joey Tribbiani: Really? Great... did I actually ask you?
Hayley: No, that's just where you were going. I just figured that I'd help you out; you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this a lot.
Gunther: Ha!
Joey Tribbiani: Seriously, Gunther - you should see someone about that cold; if it gets much worse you could *die*!

Joey: The ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up, and you thought I was proposing.
Rachel Green: Yeah, but you said 'will you marry me'.
Joey: No, I didn't.
Rachel Green: Yes, you did!
Joey: No, I didn't.
Rachel Green: Yes, you did! Oh, my god, you didn't.

Rachel Green: Hi, Doctor, how are you?
Dr. Ross Geller: Oh sure, you're nice to her
Rachel Green: She has the drugs!

Joey: In my spare time I... uh... read to the blind. And I'm also a Mento for the kids. You know, a mento... a role model.
the Interviewer: A Mento?
Joey: Right.
the Interviewer: Like the candy?
Joey: Matter of fact, I do.

Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I know how we can decide. I'm gonna ask you questions and you've gotta answer real fast, OK? What do you like better, action or comedy?
Dr. Ross Geller: Action.
Joey Tribbiani: Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Dr. Ross Geller: Dude, you are sick!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, right, I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing!

Phoebe: Look, Joey, I know.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: I knooow.
Joey: Whaaaat?

Phoebe: Where are the seats exactly?
Ross: Middle balcony.
Phoebe: Now would you say that that's more than fifty yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: Than it's not breaking the law. I can go.

I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doin'?"

Sandra Greene: You thought I was Rachel?
Chandler Bing: Yes we did because you look so young.
Phoebe Buffay: And because you're both, you know, white women.

Chandler Bing: Besides, worse comes to worse, I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica Geller: Yeah, right.
Chandler Bing: Why is that so funny?
Monica Geller: You made a joke, right? So I laughed.
Chandler Bing: A little too hard. What, am I not boyfriend material?
Monica Geller: No, your Chandler. You know, Chandler?
Chandler Bing: Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me.
Chandler Bing: But theoretically, you know, I mean, say we weren't friends, it's a blind date, I show up on your door and I'm like,
Chandler Bing: "Hey, nice to meet you, hey, hey."
Monica Geller: I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.

Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off and let's see what we're dealing with here.
Dr. Rhodes: What are you doing?
Dr. Ross Geller: Just showing you my run-of-the-mill, slice-it-right-off third nipple...
Dr. Rhodes: Well, that's not a third nipple.
Dr. Ross Geller: No?
Dr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass.

Ross: I knew it. I knew it. I always knew she liked him. She'd say no, but here we are, right. We just broke up, first thing she does.
Chandler: You didn't just break up!
Ross: Hey, it's been like, three weeks!
Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean, bullets have left guns slower!

Ross Geller: She was...
Joey Tribbiani: Awful!
Chandler Bing: Not good! Not good!
Joey Tribbiani: Nothing compared to you.
Ross Geller: Different.
Joey Tribbiani: No!
Chandler Bing: Uh oh.

Chandler: Says here that a muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night.
Chandler: Where exactly were you around ten-ish?

Dr. Leonard Green: Do you know what rust does to a boat?
Ross Geller: Give it that nice, antique-y look?
Dr. Leonard Green: Rust is boat cancer.
Ross Geller: I'm sorry. When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.

Chandler Bing: Hi Janice, hold on
Chandler Bing: what do I do?
Rachel Green: I don't know
Monica Geller: If we did, what you did, no man would ever call us again, act like you just woke up, be sleepy
Rachel Green: And grumpy
Chandler Bing: Stop naming dwarfs!

Janice Litman: So, I hear you hate me.
Joey Tribbiani: I didn't said "hate", I was really careful about that.
Janice Litman: A little birdy said something about ripping your arm off and throwing it at me.
Joey Tribbiani: You got "hate" from that?

Chandler Bing: Where is she, where is she?
Chandler Bing: Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
Rachel Green: Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here.
Chandler Bing:Oh, oh, oh, that's her.
Dr. Ross Geller: Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind.
Phoebe Buffay: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!
Janice Litman: OH... MY... GAWD!
Rachel Green, Dr. Ross Geller, Phoebe Buffay, Joey Tribbiani: OH... MY... GOD!

Joey: Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Monica: Alright, alright. I got stung. I got stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.
Chandler: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
Monica: I was in too much pain.
Joey: And I was tired from digging a huge hole!
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something...
Joey: I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
Ross: Wait a minute, I saw that, on the Discovery Channel. About jellyfish, and how if you... Eww! You peed on yourself?
Phoebe, Rachel: Eww!
Monica: You can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way. So...
Phoebe, Ross, Rachel: Eww!
Joey: Yeah that's right. I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help. And if I have to I'd pee on any one of you. Only, I couldn't... I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure. So, so I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: Joey kept screaming at me. Do it now, do it, do it, do it, do it now! Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming.
Joey: That's cause sometimes I scream it through my wall just to freak you out.
Rachel: Maybe there's someone you can talk to.
Monica: Yeah like who? There's no group for people like us.

Chandler Bing: Out, out, out! Get out! Take your stupid small fruit and get out!
Eddie Menuek: You want me to move out.
Chandler Bing: Uh-huh!
Eddie Menuek: Wow! I gotta tell you man, that's kinda out of the blue.
Chandler Bing: It's not out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue!

Chandler Bing: I'll just turn your bedroom into a game room or something. You know, put the foosball table in there.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa. Why do you get to keep the table?
Chandler Bing: I did pay for half of it.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, and I paid for the other half.
Chandler Bing: All right, I'll tell you what: I'll play you for it.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, you're on. I could take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass!
Chandler Bing: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister!
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Which sister?

Russ: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.
Ross: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss, day two, here's your diploma.

What? You're over me? When were you... under me?

Monica: I saw you eat a cheeseburger!
Monica: Well, didn't you?
Phoebe: I might have.
Monica: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Phoebe: C'mon. Like you tell me everything?
Monica: What haven't I told you?
Phoebe: Oh I don't know. How about the fact that the underwear out on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace!
Monica: Who told you that?
Monica: You are dead meat.
Chandler: I didn't know if was a big secret.
Monica: Oh, it's not big. Not at all. You know, kind of the same as, I don't know, a third nipple!
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
Chandler: You bitch!
Ross: Whip it out! Whip it out!
Chandler: No. C'mon! There's nothing to see. It's a tiny bump. It's totally useless.
Rachel: As opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Joey: I can't believe you! You told me it was a nubbin!
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word. I thought that was it. Let me see it again!
Ross: Yes! Show us your nubbin!
Chandler: [Doesn't know what to say while everyone comes at him] Joey was in a porno movie!
Chandler: If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.

Chandler: Yo, paisan. Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor... is a very bad man!
Joey: Frankie? What are you talking about?
Ross: Hey, what's going on?
Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
Chandler: Oh, come on. He said he was going to do my inseam, and then he ran his hand up my leg, and then there was definite... cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear.
Joey: ... What? Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how a tailor measure pants?
Ross: Yes. Yes, it is... In prison! What's the matter with you?

Rachel: I can't believe one of us has one of these.
Chandler: I know. I still am one of these.

Rachel: I use my breasts to get other peoples attention.
Monica: WE BOTH DO THAT.

Monica Geller: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey Tribbiani: Probably kill myself.
Monica Geller: Excuse me?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Dr. Ross Geller: Uhm, Joey... OMNI-potent.
Joey Tribbiani: You are? I'm so sorry.

Phoebe: I have found a selfless good deed. I went to the park and let a bee sting me.
Joey Tribbiani: How is that a selfless good deed?
Phoebe: It makes the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee's happy and I am definitely not.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs, you know the bee probably died after it stung you?
Phoebe: ...Dammit.

Rachel Green: OK, ready? Hi.
Phoebe Buffay: It's
Rachel Green: Rachel
Phoebe Buffay: And
Rachel Green: Phoebe's.
Phoebe Buffay: Please
Rachel Green: Leave
Phoebe Buffay: Leave
Rachel Green: I just said "leave".
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, that's because you have all the good words. What do I have? Oh, I have "it's", "and", oh, I'm sorry I have "a". Forget it.
Rachel Green: That's not true.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, then we can switch?
Rachel Green: No. I have all the good words.
Rachel Green: Alright. Let's switch.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi
Rachel Green: Everybody.
Phoebe Buffay: It's
Rachel Green: Rachel
Phoebe Buffay: And
Rachel Green: Phoebe's.
Phoebe Buffay: Pl... wait, how did you do that? Oh, you're no ordinary roomate. This shall be interesting.

I don't know what to say Joe, there's never a good time to stop... catching on fire. image

I don't know what to say Joe, there's never a good time to stop... catching on fire.

Ross: Wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always.

Ross: Well hello Mrs. Ross
Rachel: Well hello Mr. Rachel

Caitlin: Hey, where's the chicken?
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off. Said that "eggs came first".

Monica: Chandler loves my massages.
Chandler: No, actually, he doesn't.
Monica: The minute we start to lie to each other...
Monica: And, by we, I mean society.

Monica: Chandler loves my massages.
Chandler: No, actually, he doesn't.
Monica: The minute we start to lie to each other...
Monica: And, by we, I mean society.

Ross: Hey! I am not unemployed, I'm on sabbatical.
Joey: Okay Ross, don't get all religious on me!

Joey Tribbiani: You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler Bing: Only the tears are real.

Stage Manager: All right. All of you guys just dance and don't look at the cameras. Any questions?
Ross: Yeah. When is this going to air.
Stage Manager: Yeah. Let's start.
Joey: Hey, Ross. When IS this going to air?

Joey Tribbiani: Hey, dude! Let me in, I got a girl out here.
Chandler Bing: Well I've got a girl in here.
Joey Tribbiani: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica.
Chandler Bing: Well, we're... we're hanging out in here!
Joey Tribbiani: Which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?
Chandler Bing: Well, I suppose I would have to say
Chandler Bing: YOU. Look, what if we're watching a movie in here?
Monica Geller: Yeah, which we are, and we already paid for it. It's My Giant.
Joey Tribbiani: My Giant? I love that movie!

Joey: Wait, Wait! Why does Chandler get to be best man? He was yours last time!
Ross: Well, I've known Chandler a long time.
Joey: Wait a minute! C'mon Ross, I don't have any brothers; I'll never get to be a best man!
Chandler: Joey, you can be best man at my wedding.
Joey: I'll never get to be a best man!

Chandler: Open up, open up, open up!
Monica Geller: We'll discuss it in the morning!
Chandler: What the hell is going on?
Rachel Green: We took our apartment back!
Phoebe Buffay: I had nothing to do with it. Okay, it was my idea, but I don't feel good about it.
Chandler: We are switching back right now!
Monica Geller: No we're not! We're not leaving!
Chandler: Well, you're gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we're switching it back! There's nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?
Joey: I don't know.
Chandler: What?
Joey: I don't wanna move again!
Chandler: I don't care, this is our apartment! And they stole-you stole it-our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I'm getting back right now!
Rachel Green: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can't offer anything to us!
Rachel Green: Let us keep the apartment and...
Monica Geller: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.
Chandler: Totally worth it!
Joey: That was one good minute!

I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.

Joey Tribbiani: Hey, look, a new Playboy.
Monica Geller: Yeah. Just something I picked up.
Dr. Ross Geller: Cookies and porn? You're the best mom ever.

Joey: Guess what job I just got?
Chandler Bing: I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
Ross: What?
Chandler Bing: Blue blazer back. He wants it back.
Rachel: But, you said "black". Why would he want his blue blazer black?
Chandler Bing: Well, you know what I meant.

Chandler: I just think its time for you to settle down, you know, make a choice, pick a lane.
Joey: Who's Elaine?

Ross: Don't you want a washboard stomach and rock-hard abs?
Chandler: No. I want a flabby gut and saggy man-breasts.

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