Peter Burke Quotes

See you, Haversham.

Sara Ellis: What is it they say? "We can sleep when we're dead"?
Peter Burke: Good idea. You're dead, so get some rest.

Peter Burke: Bancroft's here.
Neal Caffrey: Your boss' boss.
Peter Burke: This can't be good.
Neal Caffrey: Do all the higher-ups do double finger point?
Peter Burke: They teach it at Quantico. Wait here.

Mozzie: Somebody's trying to kill me.
Peter Burke: What? Why am I not surprised?

Peter Burke: Moz, the US government is Not conducting mind control experiments
Mozzie: Hah! That's what they Made you think

Neal Caffrey: I can't con a widow.
Peter Burke: You can if it's to save her.

Neal Caffrey: The model boats in Dobbs' library - they all had women's names.
Mozzie: Yeah, there was... Claudia, Annette, Adele.
Neal Caffrey: Esmeralda, Isabella
Peter Burke: Isabella, I can tell - a, Esmeralda find Adele - a
Neal Caffrey: Peter, this is not the time.
Mozzie: What?
Peter Burke: Mirabella so compella... was there a Mirabella?
Neal Caffrey: Yeah.
Peter Burke: Rob's fair ladies!
Mozzie: Did he get into the rum?
Neal Caffrey: I don't know.
Peter Burke: These were the names of Dobbs' boats?
Neal Caffrey: Yeah, how did you know that?
Mozzie: Who cares. Why did you just defile a nursery rhyme?
Peter Burke: Forget the boat. I think I have a way to get you back to New York.

Peter Burke: You once told me you never lied to me and you never will. So I need to know something. The first time Kramer and I went after you for the Degas, how did you switch the paintings?
Neal Caffrey: I snuck up to the penthouse, pulled the swap, then base-jumped off the building and landed on Wall Street.
Peter Burke: Fine. Don't tell me.

Neal Caffrey: Preacher's here.
Peter Burke: That was fast.
Mozzie: Sorry I'm late.
Peter Burke: Don't tell me he's been ordained.
Neal Caffrey: Twice.
Peter Burke: Tax dodge?
Mozzie: Oh, yeah, like I pay taxes.

Neal Caffrey: Man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.
Peter Burke: Steinbeck. Didn't he also say, "You have the right to remain silent"?
Neal Caffrey: I think that was Sergeant Friday.
Peter Burke: Yup, I get those two mixed up.

Neal Caffrey: Man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.
Peter Burke: Steinbeck. Didn't he also say, "You have the right to remain silent"?
Neal Caffrey: I think that was Sergeant Friday.
Peter Burke: Yup, I get those two mixed up.

Peter Burke: My dad and I spent Sunday nights pouring over stock books, magnifiers, stamp tongs, hinge mounts...
Neal Caffrey: Aww, Wally and the Beav ever stop by to join in all the fun?
Peter Burke: You laugh, but I still have my membership card in the American Philatelic Society.
Neal Caffrey: I hope you realize how lucky you are to have ever kissed a human female.

Mozzie: Don't shoot! I'm armed only with comfort food.
Peter Burke: Mozzie, what the hell are you doing here?
Mozzie: Mrs. Suit asked me to make sure you eat something not made out of green clovers and purple horseshoes. Less magically delicious.

Peter Burke: Some things are better enjoyed from a distance.
Neal Caffrey: Like grand larsony.
Peter Burke: Are all of your hobbies illegal?
Neal Caffrey: I like chess.
Peter Burke: You hustled chess in Union Square.

Neal Caffrey: Really?
Peter Burke: Really.

Peter Burke: You ever wonder what would've happened if I hadn't made you my C.I.?
Neal Caffrey: I'd still be in jail and your arrest rate would be in the low 70s.
Peter Burke: High 80s.

Neal Caffrey: Morning, Peter.
Peter Burke: I see your quest for Manhattan's best brew continues.
Neal Caffrey: One's for you.
Peter Burke: Oh. Yankee tickets. Versus the Red Sox.
Neal Caffrey: Yeah, I got 'em from Frankie Whispers. I'm not gonna use 'em.
Peter Burke: They're behind home plate.
Neal Caffrey: Oh? I hear that's good.
Peter Burke: Uh-huh. You bought coffee, Yankee tickets. This is not your most subtle con.
Neal Caffrey: Con? Peter, I am hurt that you...
Peter Burke: You're trying to get back on my good side.
Neal Caffrey: Is that a crime?

Neal Caffrey: Doesn't the FBI have a policy about that?
Peter Burke: That's the military. We don't ask. We don't care.

Neal Caffrey: Every case gets a nickname. Hagen was The Dutchman before you ID'ed him. What was my nickname?
Peter Burke: Oh, don't recall.
Neal Caffrey: Aww, that's too bad. Well, the sooner you remember, the sooner we can move on.
Peter Burke: James Bonds.
Neal Caffrey: Bonds.
Neal Caffrey: James Bonds.
Peter Burke: Yes, yes.
Neal Caffrey: Would you like another beer?
Peter Burke: Yeah.
Neal Caffrey: Shaken, not stirred?
Peter Burke: See, I knew it was a mistake telling you.

Mozzie: Suit, we have a code red.
Peter Burke: Now is not the time, Mozzie.
Mozzie: It's a dark day when I turn towards the system instead of recoiling.
Peter Burke: Just spit it out.
Mozzie: Remember when you asked me to tell you if Neal was gonna do something stupid? Well, I regretfully report that... he's out of his anklet.
Peter Burke: Damn it!
Mozzie: But that's not the stupid part. He's got a gun.

Neal Caffrey: I love a good art heist.
Peter Burke: Solving a good art heist.
Neal Caffrey: That's what I said.

Peter Burke: How are you holding up?
Neal Caffrey: They don't let me wear ties.
Peter Burke: Overrated.
Neal Caffrey: Food's as bad as I remember.
Peter Burke: Coffee?
Neal Caffrey: Instant.
Peter Burke: Cruel and unusual.

Peter Burke: You said goodbye to everyone but me. Why?
Neal Caffrey: I dunno.
Peter Burke: Yeah, you do. Tell me.
Neal Caffrey: I don't know. Okay?
Peter Burke: Why?
Neal Caffrey: You know why.
Peter Burke: Tell me!
Neal Caffrey: 'Cause you're the only one who could change my mind.

Neal Caffrey: Peter, mi casa is su casa.
Peter Burke: Su casa is not even su casa.

Elizabeth Burke: Honey?
Peter Burke: Yeah?
Elizabeth Burke: What is this?
Peter Burke: I was gonna talk to you about that. That is part of an undercover job I was working. And part of the cover was that I had to talk to another woman.
Elizabeth Burke: You must've been quite the conversationalist.
Peter Burke: I had to flirt with her so Neal could get closer to the target.
Elizabeth Burke: Isn't it usually the other way around?
Peter Burke: Hmm. She chose me.
Elizabeth Burke: You had to seduce another woman?
Peter Burke: No. No. I had... just had drinks with her. Nothing happened, El. I swear.
Peter Burke: Are you laughing?
Peter Burke: You're laughing. You're laughing.
Elizabeth Burke: You had to flirt? You hate flirting.
Peter Burke: I know. And now I remember why.
Elizabeth Burke: What did you say to her?
Peter Burke: I said that she looked thirsty.
Peter Burke: It worked.
Elizabeth Burke: Oh, please tell me there's surveillance video of this. I gotta see this.

Peter Burke: You let me down, Neal.
Neal Caffrey: I let you down? You told Fowler to look for my signature.
Peter Burke: And you told me to look at your bonds under polarized light, remember? Well, guess what. I did. And yeah, you signed them.
Neal Caffrey: And you think I'd be stupid enough to do that again?
Peter Burke: I guess you were. The thief is associated with law enforcement, your anklet was tampered with, you have no alibi, and your initials are on the diamond. What am I supposed to think?
Neal Caffrey: I was set up.
Peter Burke: By who?
Neal Caffrey: I'm working on that.
Peter Burke: You're not helping things.
Prison Gaurd: Agent Burke?
Peter Burke: What?
Prison Gaurd: His lawyer's here.
Peter Burke: He's a lawyer?
Mozzie: You can check my University of Phoenix online degree. Go Cardinals. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to my client. Alone.
Neal Caffrey: I didn't let you down.

Elizabeth Burke: Honey, relax. You're not in trouble.
Peter Burke: Oh, thank God.