Neal Caffrey Quotes

Curtis Hagen: Your a...
Neal Caffrey: Particular type of bastard? Yeah, I've heard that before.

Mozzie: For what it's worth, I'm really sorry about Sara. She has an infectious joie de vivre, and she looks terrific in pantsuits.
Neal Caffrey: Promise me you'll never speak at my funeral.

Neal Caffrey: I can't con a widow.
Peter Burke: You can if it's to save her.

Neal Caffrey: Is this what it looked like when I escaped?
Lauren Cruz: I don't know. I was working important cases then.

Neal Caffrey: The model boats in Dobbs' library - they all had women's names.
Mozzie: Yeah, there was... Claudia, Annette, Adele.
Neal Caffrey: Esmeralda, Isabella
Peter Burke: Isabella, I can tell - a, Esmeralda find Adele - a
Neal Caffrey: Peter, this is not the time.
Mozzie: What?
Peter Burke: Mirabella so compella... was there a Mirabella?
Neal Caffrey: Yeah.
Peter Burke: Rob's fair ladies!
Mozzie: Did he get into the rum?
Neal Caffrey: I don't know.
Peter Burke: These were the names of Dobbs' boats?
Neal Caffrey: Yeah, how did you know that?
Mozzie: Who cares. Why did you just defile a nursery rhyme?
Peter Burke: Forget the boat. I think I have a way to get you back to New York.

Just because I don't like guns doesn't mean I can't use one.

Peter Burke: You once told me you never lied to me and you never will. So I need to know something. The first time Kramer and I went after you for the Degas, how did you switch the paintings?
Neal Caffrey: I snuck up to the penthouse, pulled the swap, then base-jumped off the building and landed on Wall Street.
Peter Burke: Fine. Don't tell me.

Neal Caffrey: We've got a problem.
Mozzie: I think we should maybe copyright that phrase.

Peter Burke: Bancroft's here.
Neal Caffrey: Your boss' boss.
Peter Burke: This can't be good.
Neal Caffrey: Do all the higher-ups do double finger point?
Peter Burke: They teach it at Quantico. Wait here.

James Bennett: Hey, Neal, you awake?
Neal Caffrey: What are you doing here so early?
James Bennett: Guess you didn't get Peter's call.
Neal Caffrey: Uh, no. I was sleeping. What's going on?
James Bennett: He didn't get into specifics. Just said we ought to meet here right away.
James Bennett: Didn't know you had company.
Neal Caffrey: I've got company.
James Bennett: I'm Neal's dad. You must be Kate.
Sara Ellis: Uh, Neal?
Neal Caffrey: I haven't told him everything.
James Bennett: Oh, sorry. Alex.
Sara Ellis: It's Sara.
James Bennett: The insurance investigator.
Sara Ellis: He shoots, he scores.
James Bennett: I should've brought more coffee.
Sara Ellis: Are more people coming?
Mozzie: Greetings, fellow conspirators.
Sara Ellis: Of course.
Mozzie: Who called Sara?
Sara Ellis: No one called me.
Mozzie: Well, here, take this. It's too late for caffeine.
Peter Burke: Oh, good, you're all here. Who called Sara?
Neal Caffrey: Okay, how is it possible that three grown men don't understand what's going on here?

James Bennett: Hey, Neal, you awake?
Neal Caffrey: What are you doing here so early?
James Bennett: Guess you didn't get Peter's call.
Neal Caffrey: Uh, no. I was sleeping. What's going on?
James Bennett: He didn't get into specifics. Just said we ought to meet here right away.
James Bennett: Didn't know you had company.
Neal Caffrey: I've got company.
James Bennett: I'm Neal's dad. You must be Kate.
Sara Ellis: Uh, Neal?
Neal Caffrey: I haven't told him everything.
James Bennett: Oh, sorry. Alex.
Sara Ellis: It's Sara.
James Bennett: The insurance investigator.
Sara Ellis: He shoots, he scores.
James Bennett: I should've brought more coffee.
Sara Ellis: Are more people coming?
Mozzie: Greetings, fellow conspirators.
Sara Ellis: Of course.
Mozzie: Who called Sara?
Sara Ellis: No one called me.
Mozzie: Well, here, take this. It's too late for caffeine.
Peter Burke: Oh, good, you're all here. Who called Sara?
Neal Caffrey: Okay, how is it possible that three grown men don't understand what's going on here?

Clinton Jones: All right, you know, I heard he had a pretty serious relationship with with a female agent down at Quantico. She joined SSG.
Neal Caffrey: The CIA of the FBI?

Peter Burke: You ever wonder what would've happened if I hadn't made you my C.I.?
Neal Caffrey: I'd still be in jail and your arrest rate would be in the low 70s.
Peter Burke: High 80s.

Mozzie: Wait, the suit actually gave you access to his house?
Neal Caffrey: Yes, Moz.
Mozzie: Unwise. We should teach him a lesson. I'm thinking micro-cam in a lampshade. He'll find it, of course, but that's the point.
Neal Caffrey: We're picking up Satchmo and we're leaving, all right?
Mozzie: Fine. I don't see why you'd want to pass up a prime opportunity such as this, but whatever. Whoa! Seriously? Boxed wine? We got to get out of here.

Neal Caffrey: How much longer are you staying here?
Mozzie: Just until I get myself onto some financial secure footing. Okay if I air-dry on the terrace?
Neal Caffrey: No, Moz. Tell me how I can help?
Mozzie: Big Brother burned through all my resources; no safe houses, no capital. What's worst - the Federal Bureau of Invasion has confined you to this impenetrable dog pound.
Neal Caffrey: It's my apartment.
Mozzie: A sublimely spacious cell.
Neal Caffrey: Does that make you my cell mate?
Mozzie: I prefer the term "miss incarcerated"
Neal Caffrey: That sounds like you just won a prison pagent.
Mozzie: A: I could. B: I'll think of a better term.

Neal Caffrey: Really?
Peter Burke: Really.

Neal Caffrey: Morning, Peter.
Peter Burke: I see your quest for Manhattan's best brew continues.
Neal Caffrey: One's for you.
Peter Burke: Oh. Yankee tickets. Versus the Red Sox.
Neal Caffrey: Yeah, I got 'em from Frankie Whispers. I'm not gonna use 'em.
Peter Burke: They're behind home plate.
Neal Caffrey: Oh? I hear that's good.
Peter Burke: Uh-huh. You bought coffee, Yankee tickets. This is not your most subtle con.
Neal Caffrey: Con? Peter, I am hurt that you...
Peter Burke: You're trying to get back on my good side.
Neal Caffrey: Is that a crime?

Peter Burke: Some things are better enjoyed from a distance.
Neal Caffrey: Like grand larsony.
Peter Burke: Are all of your hobbies illegal?
Neal Caffrey: I like chess.
Peter Burke: You hustled chess in Union Square.

Rebecca: You want to know some things? I got some questions too. One for one, we answer each other truthfully.
Neal Caffrey: Okay.
Rebecca: But if you lie to me, I lie to you. And besides, lovers are experts at sniffing out one another's deceptions.

Neal Caffrey: Stay calm.
Mozzie: Stay calm? I'm hours away from palming St. Peter a twenty to get passed the gate!

Peter Burke: My dad and I spent Sunday nights pouring over stock books, magnifiers, stamp tongs, hinge mounts...
Neal Caffrey: Aww, Wally and the Beav ever stop by to join in all the fun?
Peter Burke: You laugh, but I still have my membership card in the American Philatelic Society.
Neal Caffrey: I hope you realize how lucky you are to have ever kissed a human female.

Neal Caffrey: Man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.
Peter Burke: Steinbeck. Didn't he also say, "You have the right to remain silent"?
Neal Caffrey: I think that was Sergeant Friday.
Peter Burke: Yup, I get those two mixed up.

Neal Caffrey: Man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.
Peter Burke: Steinbeck. Didn't he also say, "You have the right to remain silent"?
Neal Caffrey: I think that was Sergeant Friday.
Peter Burke: Yup, I get those two mixed up.

Mozzie: Neal, we are conmen, grifters, mountebanks, flim-flammers. We have to keep our skills sharp.
Neal Caffrey: Flim-flammers?
Mozzie: See, I'm already becoming a dinosaur. Look, I get that you have to play Boy Scout until your commutation hearing, but you are seriously hindering my primal instinct.
Neal Caffrey: I don't think a few more weeks will render you extinct, winosaurus.

Neal Caffrey: Doesn't the FBI have a policy about that?
Peter Burke: That's the military. We don't ask. We don't care.

Neal Caffrey: Preacher's here.
Peter Burke: That was fast.
Mozzie: Sorry I'm late.
Peter Burke: Don't tell me he's been ordained.
Neal Caffrey: Twice.
Peter Burke: Tax dodge?
Mozzie: Oh, yeah, like I pay taxes.

Mozzie: Get a room!
Sara Ellis: We are in a room!
Neal Caffrey: MY room!

Neal Caffrey: The last person who mixed these paints was Picasso. Taking from the masters.
Mozzie: Ah, Picasso was a communist, he'd be happy to share.

Neal Caffrey: Hey. Is Peter around?
Diana Barrigan: Nope.
Neal Caffrey: I need a favor.
Diana Barrigan: Neal, what did I say last time you asked me for a favor?
Neal Caffrey: I should think long and hard before trying to pull anything over on you.
Diana Barrigan: And?
Neal Caffrey: And that if I ever did try, you'd break one or both of my arms.
Diana Barrigan: You know I hate to repeat myself.

Neal Caffrey: Every case gets a nickname. Hagen was The Dutchman before you ID'ed him. What was my nickname?
Peter Burke: Oh, don't recall.
Neal Caffrey: Aww, that's too bad. Well, the sooner you remember, the sooner we can move on.
Peter Burke: James Bonds.
Neal Caffrey: Bonds.
Neal Caffrey: James Bonds.
Peter Burke: Yes, yes.
Neal Caffrey: Would you like another beer?
Peter Burke: Yeah.
Neal Caffrey: Shaken, not stirred?
Peter Burke: See, I knew it was a mistake telling you.

Neal Caffrey: I love a good art heist.
Peter Burke: Solving a good art heist.
Neal Caffrey: That's what I said.

Peter Burke: How are you holding up?
Neal Caffrey: They don't let me wear ties.
Peter Burke: Overrated.
Neal Caffrey: Food's as bad as I remember.
Peter Burke: Coffee?
Neal Caffrey: Instant.
Peter Burke: Cruel and unusual.

Peter Burke: You said goodbye to everyone but me. Why?
Neal Caffrey: I dunno.
Peter Burke: Yeah, you do. Tell me.
Neal Caffrey: I don't know. Okay?
Peter Burke: Why?
Neal Caffrey: You know why.
Peter Burke: Tell me!
Neal Caffrey: 'Cause you're the only one who could change my mind.

Neal Caffrey: Peter, mi casa is su casa.
Peter Burke: Su casa is not even su casa.

Elizabeth Burke: So, um, you sure he won't try anything?
Neal Caffrey: Do you have any rare paintings or coins?
Elizabeth Burke: No.
Neal Caffrey: Then you'll be okay.
Mozzie: Is this Gorham silverware? It's rather unique.
Neal Caffrey: Maybe you should keep an eye on him.
Elizabeth Burke: Yeah.

Peter Burke: You let me down, Neal.
Neal Caffrey: I let you down? You told Fowler to look for my signature.
Peter Burke: And you told me to look at your bonds under polarized light, remember? Well, guess what. I did. And yeah, you signed them.
Neal Caffrey: And you think I'd be stupid enough to do that again?
Peter Burke: I guess you were. The thief is associated with law enforcement, your anklet was tampered with, you have no alibi, and your initials are on the diamond. What am I supposed to think?
Neal Caffrey: I was set up.
Peter Burke: By who?
Neal Caffrey: I'm working on that.
Peter Burke: You're not helping things.
Prison Gaurd: Agent Burke?
Peter Burke: What?
Prison Gaurd: His lawyer's here.
Peter Burke: He's a lawyer?
Mozzie: You can check my University of Phoenix online degree. Go Cardinals. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to my client. Alone.
Neal Caffrey: I didn't let you down.

Neal Caffrey: You know, I had a feeling all that lovey-dovey stuff last night was BS.
Maria Fiametta: Next time, you should trust your instincts.
Neal Caffrey: Oh, I did.
Neal Caffrey: Clip. Lifted it when I patted you down.
Maria Fiametta: You forgot about the one in the chamber.
Neal Caffrey: Damn it. I've never been a gun guy.