Sherlock Quotes

Best Sherlock Tv Show Quotes

Sherlock

Sherlock   image

Directed by: Mark Gatiss, Steven Moffat
Written by: KGF Vissers
Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Una Stubbs
Released on: October 24, 2010
Taglines: A new sleuth for the 21st Century

Sherlock Quotes

Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring! image

Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!

Look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing. image

Look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing.

Well, the short version... not dead. image

Well, the short version... not dead.

Dr. John Watson: I'm definitely going to kill you.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, please. Killing me, that's so two years ago.

Dr. John Watson: Clients?
Sherlock Holmes: Just my parents.
Dr. John Watson: Your parents?
Sherlock Holmes: In town for a few days.
Dr. John Watson: Your parents?
Sherlock Holmes: Mycroft promised to take them to a matinee of Les Mis. Tried to talk me into doing it.
Dr. John Watson: Those were your parents?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Well. That is not what I...
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr. John Watson: I-I mean, they're... just... so... ordinary.
Sherlock Holmes: It's a cross I have to bear.

Mrs. Hudson: ages you.
Dr. John Watson: Just trying it out.
Mrs. Hudson: Well, it ages you.

Oh, do your research. I'm not a hero, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Merry Christmas!

We are in Buckingham Palace, at the very heart of the British nation. Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers on! image

We are in Buckingham Palace, at the very heart of the British nation. Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers on!

 I'm an army doctor, which means I could break every bone in your body while naming them. image

I'm an army doctor, which means I could break every bone in your body while naming them.

Get out of my house. You reptile.

I'm the widow of a drug dealer, I own property in central London, and, for the last bloody time, John, I'm not your housekeeper.

Literally.

Mycroft Holmes: What you're about to see is classified beyond top secret. Is that quite clear? Don't minute any of this. Once beyond these walls, you must never speak of it. A D-notice has been slapped on the entire incident. Only those within this room, code-names Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock and Love, will ever know the whole truth. As far as everyone else is concerned, going to the Prime Minister and way beyond, Charles Augustus...
Mycroft Holmes: Are you tweeting?

Dr. John Watson: Um... Mmm, right, you... You told me once... that you weren't a hero. Umm, there were times I didn't even think you were human but let me tell you this, you were, uh, the best man and the most human... human being that I've ever known and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie. That so... there.
Dr. John Watson: I was... I was so alone. And I owe you so much.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, please, there's just one more thing, right? One more thing. One more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don't... be... dead. Would you, just for me, just stop it? Stop this.

So on to some funny stories about John. If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would... be better.

Mrs. Hudson: Would you like a cup of tea?
Mycroft Holmes: Thank you.
Mrs. Hudson: The kettle's over there.

Dr. John Watson: The thing about Mary is she has completely turned my life around. Changed everything. But, for the record, over the last few years there are two people who have done that, and the other one is...
Dr. John Watson: ... a complete dick-head.

Sherlock Holmes: Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. Who exactly would you pick?
Mrs. Hudson: I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear.

Dr John Watson: Have you talked to the police?
Sherlock Holmes: Four people are dead, there isn't time to talk to the police.
Dr John Watson: So why are you talking to me?
Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson took my skull.
Dr John Watson: So I'm basically filling in for your skull?
Sherlock Holmes: Relax, you're doing fine.

Did you miss me?

Mycroft Holmes: I have access to the top level of the MI5 archive.
Mary Morstan: Yep, that's where I'm looking.
Mycroft Holmes: What do you think of MI5 security?
Mary Morstan: I think it would be a good idea.

You're Sherlock Holmes. Wear the damn hat.

Hey, bro.

Sherlock Holmes: Do people actually read your blog?
Dr. John Watson: Where do you think our clients come from?
Sherlock Holmes: I have a website.
Dr. John Watson: In which you enumerate two hundred and forty different types of tobacco ash. Nobody's reading your website.

A nice murder. That will cheer you up.

There must be something comforting about the number three. People always give up after three.

Mrs. Hudson: Your mother has a lot to answer for.
Sherlock Holmes: Hmm, I know. I have a list. Mycroft has a file.

John, you are addicted to a certain lifestyle. You're abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people, so is it truly such a surprise that the woman you fall in love with conforms to that pattern.

Mycroft Holmes: This is a private matter.
Sherlock Holmes: John stays.
Mycroft Holmes: This is family.
Sherlock Holmes: THAT'S WHY HE STAYS!

Irene Adler: Mr. Holmes, if it was the end of the world, if this was the very last night, would you have dinner with me?
Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock?
Irene Adler: Too late.
Sherlock Holmes: That's not the end of the world, that's Mrs. Hudson.

Dr. John Watson: We should call the police.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
Sherlock Holmes: On their way.
Dr. John Watson: For God's sake!
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, shut up. It's quick.

Dr. John Watson: There are lives at stake... Sherlock. Actual human li... Jus-just so I know, do you care about that at all?
Sherlock Holmes: Will caring about them help save them?
Dr. John Watson: Nope.
Sherlock Holmes: Then I'll continue not to make that mistake.
Dr. John Watson: And you find that easy, do you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Very. Is that news to you?
Dr. John Watson: No. No.
Sherlock Holmes: I've disappointed you.
Dr. John Watson: That's good... that's a good deduction, yeah.
Sherlock Holmes: Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them.

Mrs. Hudson: I'll make you that cuppa, you rest your leg.
Dr John Watson: Damn my leg! Sorry, I'm so sorry. It's just sometimes this bloody thing...
Mrs. Hudson: I understand, dear, I've got a hip.

 Did we just break into a military base to investigate a rabbit? image

Did we just break into a military base to investigate a rabbit?

 Try not to start a war before I get home. You know what it does to the traffic. image

Try not to start a war before I get home. You know what it does to the traffic.

Lady Smallwood: Here.
Mycroft Holmes: What's this?
Lady Smallwood: My number.
Mycroft Holmes: I already have your number.
Lady Smallwood: My private number.
Mycroft Holmes: Why would I need that?
Lady Smallwood: I don't know. Maybe you'd like a drink sometime.
Mycroft Holmes: Of what?
Lady Smallwood: Up to you. Call me.

Dr John Watson: Is that my computer?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course.
Dr John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Mine was in the bedroom.
Dr John Watson: What? And you couldn't be bothered to get up?
Dr John Watson: It's password-protected.
Sherlock Holmes: In a manner of speaking. Took me less than a minute to guess yours, not exactly Fort Knox.

Sherlock Holmes: I need to get some air - we're going out tonight.
Dr John Watson: Actually, I've, uh, got a date.
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Dr John Watson: It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun?
Sherlock Holmes: That's what I was suggesting.
Dr John Watson: No, it wasn't. At least I hope not.

So if you have what you say you have, I will make you rich. If you don't, I'll make you into shoes. image

So if you have what you say you have, I will make you rich. If you don't, I'll make you into shoes.

Mycroft Holmes: Oh, Sherlock. What do we say about coincidence?
Sherlock Holmes: The universe is rarely so lazy.

I mean, obviously, "normal" and "fine" are both relative terms when it comes to Sherlock and Mycroft.

So, who loves you? I'm assuming it's not a long list

Twenty-year-old disappearance? A monstrous hound? I wouldn't miss this for the world! image

Twenty-year-old disappearance? A monstrous hound? I wouldn't miss this for the world!

Sherlock Holmes: You ever think I'm becoming a bit... full of myself, cocky or overconfident...
Mrs. Hudson: Yes?
Sherlock Holmes: ...would you just say the word "Norbury" to me? Would you?
Mrs. Hudson: Norbury?
Sherlock Holmes: Just that. I'd be very grateful.

Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable.

People leave their bodies to science. I think cannibals would be so much more grateful.

Taking your own life. Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.

When does the path we walk on lock around our feet? When does the road become a river with only one destination? Death waits for us all in Samarra. But can Samarra be avoided?

DI Lestrade: There's still reporters outside.
Mrs. Hudson: They've been there all the time. I can't get rid of them. I've been rushed off my feet making tea.
DI Lestrade: Why do you make them tea?
Mrs. Hudson: I don't know. I just sort of do.

Mrs. Hudson: A case? Oh, you're not up to it, are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Work is the best antidote to sorrow, Mrs Hudson.

Holmes, against absolutely no opposition whatsoever, I am your closest friend.

Mrs. Hudson: There's another bedroom upstairs, if you'd be needing two bedrooms.
Dr John Watson: Of course we'll be needing two.
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, don't worry. There's all sorts 'round here. Mrs. Turner next door's got married ones.

Is Molly the right person to be doing medicals? She's more used to dead people. It's bound to lower your standards.

 I can't be seen wandering around with an old man.Madam, can I suggest  image

I can't be seen wandering around with an old man.Madam, can I suggest

Bond Air is go. image

Bond Air is go.

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock, this man was at the door, is the bell still not working?
Mrs. Hudson: He shot it.

Mycroft Holmes: Don't be smart.
Sherlock Holmes: That takes me back. 'Don't be smart, Sherlock. I'm the smart one.'
Mycroft Holmes: I am the smart one.
Sherlock Holmes: I used to think I was an idiot.
Mycroft Holmes: Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on till we met other children.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh yes, that was a mistake.
Mycroft Holmes: Ghastly. What were they thinking of.
Sherlock Holmes: Probably something about trying to make friends.
Mycroft Holmes: Oh yes. Friends! Of course you go in for that sort of thing now.
Sherlock Holmes: And you don't? Ever?
Mycroft Holmes: If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish.

There's nothing the matter with me! Imagine I said that without shouting.

The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege. image

The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege.

Sherlock Holmes: You may as well eat. We might be waiting a long time.
Dr. John Watson: Hmm, are you going to?
Sherlock Holmes: What day is it?
Dr. John Watson: It's Wednesday.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm okay for a bit.

you look at this menu? It's, uh, completely identical.
 image

you look at this menu? It's, uh, completely identical.

Hello. My name's Jim Moriarty. Welcome to the final problem.

Sir Boast-a-Lot was the bravest and cleverest knight at the round table. But soon, the other knights began to grow tired of his stories about how brave he was and how many dragons he'd slain. And so they began to wonder... are Sir Boast-a-Lot's stories even true? image

Sir Boast-a-Lot was the bravest and cleverest knight at the round table. But soon, the other knights began to grow tired of his stories about how brave he was and how many dragons he'd slain. And so they began to wonder... are Sir Boast-a-Lot's stories even true?

Get out. I need to go to my mind palace. image

Get out. I need to go to my mind palace.

Sherlock Holmes: Linseed oil.
Anderson: Not much use. Doesn't lead us to the kidnapper.
Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant, Anderson.
Anderson: Really?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Brilliant impression of an idiot.

This is where I get off.

I wrote my own version of the Nativity when I was a child, "The Hungry Donkey". It was a bit gory, but if you're gonna put a baby in a manger, you're asking for trouble.

Is this a game? A bloody game.

Heaven may be a fantasy for the credulous and the afraid, but I can give you a map reference for Hell.

Memories can resurface. Wounds can reopen. The roads we walk have demons beneath, and yours have been waiting for a very long time.

You might wanna close that window. There is an east wind coming.

As my colleague is fond of remarking, this country sometimes needs a blunt instrument. Equally, it sometimes needs a dagger - a scalpel wielded with precision and without remorse.

We are in Buckingham Palace, the very heart of the British nation. Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers on!

Henry Knight: It's a strange place, the Hollow. Makes you feel so cold inside, so afraid.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, if I wanted poetry, I'd read John's emails to his girlfriends. Much funnier.

As long as I'm alive, you can save your friends. You've got a way out. Well, good luck with that. image

As long as I'm alive, you can save your friends. You've got a way out. Well, good luck with that.

As long as I'm alive, you can save your friends. You've got a way out. Well, good luck with that.

I want you to calculate John's ideal intake and mine to remain in the sweet spot the whole evening.

Well! Glad to see you've pulled, Sherlock, what with murderers running riot at my wedding.

I've dealt with murderers, psychopaths, terrorists, serial killers - none of them can turn my stomach like Charles Augustus Magnussen.

That name you think you may have just heard, you were mistaken. If you ever mention hearing that name in this room, in this context, I guarantee you, on behalf of the British Security Services, that materials will be found on your computer hard-drives resulting in your immediate incarceration. Don't reply, just look frightened and scuttle.

Don't you dare. You made a vow. You swore it.

You're gonna love being dead, Sherlock. No one ever bothers you.

It's raining/ it's pouring/ Sherlock is boring. It's raining/ I'm crying/ Sherlock is dying.

Fear is wisdom in the face of danger. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Every great cause has martyrs. Every war has suicide missions, and, make no mistake, this is war. One half of the human race at war with the other. The invisible army hovering at our elbow, tending to our homes, raising our children, ignored, patronised, disregarded, not allowed so much as a vote, but an army nonetheless, ready to rise up in the best of causes, to put right an injustice as old as humanity itself. So you see, Watson, Mycroft was right. This is a war we must lose.

DI Lestrade: What's he doing, do you think?
Mrs. Hudson: He says he's waiting.
DI Lestrade: For what?
Mrs. Hudson: The devil. I wouldn't be surprised. We get all sorts here.

I delete any text that begins, "Hi."

Intuitions are not to be ignored, John. They represent data processed too fast for the conscious mind to comprehend.

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