Gossip Girl Quotes

Mom. It's time for you to come home.

Oh my God, wait, do you have a crush on me or something? Don't be embarrassed. It's totally understandable and not that unexpected actually. I'm flattered, it's just my heart belongs to Asher. I've gotta go, but text me, okay?

Notice how my voice didn't go up at the end? It wasn't a question.

I'm talking about you and Lil' Miss Hannah Montana on Gossip Girl.

When I care about someone I'm not afraid to show it.

Ah, the invisible man returns.

Don't 'f' with an 'f'-er.

Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. Lucky for me, I may have to go out tonight after all.

Maybe this is Blair's idea of a perverse double-date.

So Tuscany with Chuck, sounds romantic... minus the Chuck part.

Get me drunk.

Chuck! Boundaries!

Hold that non-thought.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Dan Humphrey, shoeless and clueless. That's all.

You watch your back. No one uses Chuck Bass.

Oh, I forgot to put on underwear!

I have an itch only Chuck can scratch.

Oh, please! Stop your mouth from moving!

I can't. I've got to go home and stare at my phone.

Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.

Oh, did you guys know that you have matching backpacks? It's so cute.

That's Miss Carr? I guess she has Benjamin Button syndrome.

I hate pretentious asshats who try to steal other people's girlfriends.

Mmm... I almost forgot how much I used to enjoy your pie.

Yours is not to wonder why, yours is to do or die!

How about instead of pain, you try to feel good things? I could tickle you.

I simply cannot let Chuck chucking with my head.

Nate Archibald: Charlie just kissed me and ran. I mean, I thought we left stuff like that behind in high school.
Chuck Bass: Maybe we're maturing too fast.
Nate Archibald: Which is why you're back to playing Phantom of the Opera sex games?

You know my mom: if it's not broke, break it.

Do you want us to wait? It looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.

I don't read Gossip Girl. That's for chicks.

Whoops! I swear, that's never happened to me before.

Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe you told her.
Nate Archibald: You just expected me to keep it a secret?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes, Nate! There's nothing wrong with keeping a secret if the truth is gonna hurt someone.
Nate Archibald: That's a hell of a way to look at things.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize all of a sudden you're the most honest guy on the planet.

I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.

I've waited my entire adolescent life for a date with this girl and I decide to close the evening with a wave.

Chuck Bass: What are you doing here?
Dan Humphrey: Why, what is this? Your hotel?
Nate Archibald: Actually, it is.

Chuck Bass: What are you doing here?
Dan Humphrey: Why, what is this? Your hotel?
Nate Archibald: Actually, it is.

Jenny Humphrey: You have nothing to lose.
Dan Humphrey: No, nothing except my last shred of dignity.
Jenny Humphrey: Oh no, I think that's gone.

I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering.

Serena van der Woodsen: Why didn't you send it? I would've...
Blair Waldorf: You would've what? You knew, Serena, and you didn't even call.
Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't know what to say to you or even how to be your friend after what I did. I'm so sorry.

Aww, too bad you missed the assembly. Not that it matters. Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut.

In an ironic - though not totally unexpected - twist, Nate got the one I wanted.

Women like to pretend they're complicated. I know better.

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so, so sorry about that.
Dan Humphrey: And I'm so, so ready to hang up.

Blair Waldorf: Serena sent you here to talk to me?
Dan Humphrey: No believe it or not I actually came here myself.
Blair Waldorf: Normally I wouldn't be this close to you without a tetanus shot.

Are you high? He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies.

Something's vibrating in your pocket, and I really hope it's your phone.

It's a party, Jenny. You either swallow that or swipe your metro card back home.

How long can a man have a piggy bank and still call himself a man?

Our parents did way worse stuff than we do.

Chuck Bass: Little Jenny Humphrey manages to get my pants off and have me not enjoy it. Quite the accomplishment.
Blair Waldorf: Good thing someone else at the party was as lecherous as you or you'd still be up on that roof. And, no, I don't wanna know what you had to do to get that tux.

Dan Humphrey: I'm saving you.
Serena van der Woodsen: [upset] I don't need to be saved.
Dan Humphrey: Really? 'Cause I could see your eyes rolling to the back of your head from across the room.

Nate Archibald: Alright Chuck I'll see ya in the a.m.
Blair Waldorf: No, you didn't find me by midnight. No happily ever after for you.
Nate Archibald: Blair, I'm sorry.
Blair Waldorf: All I wanted was for us to start over and you didn't even try.

Vanessa Abrams: So this Blair girl used you as her slave?
Jenny Humphrey: No, I was her handmaiden.
Vanessa Abrams: "Handmaiden" is Jane Austen for "slave."

If I were your man, I wouldn't need clues to find you.

Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?

I think we just broke up. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to escape. That's what this place is for, right?

What? What? Did I do something wrong? I knew the hair thing was too much.

Blair Waldorf: What are you doing?
Nate Archibald: Going to Victrola. I promised Chuck it's important to him.
Blair Waldorf: I saw your father get arrested. Why didn't you come to me, I would've listened.
Nate Archibald: I've tried Blair. But everytime I try something's got your attention, a dinner party, ya know a masked ball.
Blair Waldorf: Yeah, let's talk about that masked ball. Let's talk about how while I was waiting for you to find so that we could finally be together, you were confessing your feelings and kissing Serena. I thought I was doing everything right.
Nate Archibald: It's not your fault.
Blair Waldorf: Do you love me?
Blair Waldorf: You should deal with your father. He needs you. You know what, I don't.

Nathaniel! Your position in my esteem has been replaced by your voice mail.

We ended it. I wanted to tell you but I thought that if part of me said it, it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together and now I think it's really over.

Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you slept with him?
Blair Waldorf: Shh!
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: What happened to no judging?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not, but I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I'm the slut?
Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair Waldorf: Well it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. Besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend, right S?
Serena van der Woodsen: Way to prove a point.

Blair Waldorf: A girl wants Romeo not Hamlet.
Serena van der Woodsen: Romeo died.

Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, is that what I am to you?
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, is that what I am to you?
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.

Lily van der Woodsen: When you two are done hiding up here I'm taking you both out for dessert.
Serena van der Woodsen: Can't mom I'm busy.
Lily van der Woodsen: But this is important for our family it'll just be the three of us.
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom anytime you say it'll just be the three of us it means your dating someone new. Whoever it is I don't care I'll just see him at the wedding.
Lily van der Woodsen: Fine, fine then I wil just tell you who it is because your going to be seeing him around from now on, it's Bart Bass.
Serena van der Woodsen , Eric van der Woodsen: Bart Bass!
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom you can not date Bart Bass.
Lily van der Woodsen: You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.
Serena van der Woodsen: That was before I knew who it was.
Eric van der Woodsen: He only has one facial expression he scares me.
Serena van der Woodsen: And he raised Chuck that scares me.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, Serena as usual your being overly dramatic. I'm not marrying Bart, this is very casual and regardless I'm not asking your permission.

I don't even know how she breathes with her blouse button that hish.

That key isn't mine. I was just hiding it for someone else... wait. That's why you were suspended? You told the headmistress it was yours because you thought it was mine? That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.

Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me.

If you're ready to forgive me, then nothing can tear us apart. I promise.

Vanessa Abrams: You're sick.
Chuck Bass: You're welcome.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hi, Chuck.
Chuck Bass: Please, call me brother.

Blair Waldorf: Game over.
Chuck Bass: It's not over until I say it's over.
Blair Waldorf: Well, have fun playing with yourself then.

Nate Archibald: What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Your mom let me in.
Nate Archibald: I didn't ask how you got in, I asked why you came.
Blair Waldorf: To talk, about us.
Nate Archibald: There's no "us", Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Yes there is. We finally really have a chance to start over.
Nate Archibald: You know all this time I felt so bad for everything I've done. And when you said you wanted to leave the past in the past I didn't know we were talking about YOUR past.
Blair Waldorf: You had just broken my hear. I made a decision I was in no condition to make.
Nate Archibald: But your clear-headed now right?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
Nate Archibald: You understand perfectly when I say I want nothing else to do with you Blair. You and Chuck deserve each other.
Blair Waldorf: You know Chuck would say anything, twist the truth.
Nate Archibald: But Jenny wouldn't.
Blair Waldorf: Jenny?
Nate Archibald: And don't go blaming any of this on her Blair. I would've found out eventually. I said I'm done. It's over. Now would you please leave.
Nate Archibald: Fine, stay as long as you like, I'll leave.

Blair Waldorf: You're late.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know I had to drop off some books at the library, sorry.
Blair Waldorf: Could you do me a favor?
Jenny Humphrey: Anything.
Blair Waldorf: Move down a couple steps.
Jenny Humphrey: Ya know this whole hazing thing's getting a bit old don't you think be?
Blair Waldorf: First of all the hazing stops when I say it stops and for future reference only my friends call me B.
Jenny Humphrey: You know I'm actually gonna go. I have a lot of stuff to do before class.
Penelope: Jenny...
Blair Waldorf: Please she'll be back.

Let me be more succinct. You held a certain fascination... when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. Now... now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh ok, let's get one thing straight: our parents may be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck Bass: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.

Blair Waldorf: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I'm nice. You should try it. Come on, compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful!
Blair Waldorf: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh ok, let's get one thing straight: our parents may be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck Bass: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.

Dan Humphrey: Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me!

Lucky for us, mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.

Elise Wells: What are you doing? He's gorgeous.
Jenny Humphrey: He's a dogwalker. I need a king, not a jester.

Elise Wells: What are you doing? He's gorgeous.
Jenny Humphrey: He's a dogwalker. I need a king, not a jester.

Dan Humphrey: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.
Chuck Bass: You mean all your life?

Chuck, yes, I'm still fine. I haven't heard from Georgina in two weeks, so if you'd stop calling me, I'd finally be rid of all of my monsters. Bye!

Vanessa Abrams: Give her a break. Asher is her first love.
Dan Humphrey: It's infatuation. It's not love.
Georgina Sparks: Yeah, but to a 15-year-old girl, I mean, there really isn't much of a difference.

Serena van der Woodsen , Blair Waldorf: Hey, what are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan.

Dan Humphrey: Did you sleep with someone else?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes.
Dan Humphrey: I'm done.

Nate Archibald: You know, why do I get the feeling you're actually enjoying this?
Chuck Bass: Call me sentimental.

What can I say? He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly, I bring out the best in him.

So what happened with you and Man Bangs?

You don't belong with Nate. Never have, never will.

Oh God. Hot lifeguard has a Camaro. And not in an ironic-I've-got-a-Camaro kind of way.

A hot lifeguard is like kleenex, use once and throw away!

Blair Waldorf: As his consort, I have to be able to hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can.

Oh, you know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.

Google revenge, get blairwaldorf.com

I had to create a monster if I was going to dethrone a queen.

Blair Waldorf: Serena can we talk?
Serena van der Woodsen: About what? How you tried to publicly humiliate me?
Blair Waldorf: You know about the dress?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah Laurel told me, she said it was an accident, clearly she doesn't know you.
Blair Waldorf: I'm sorry, I was hurt okay. You, you blew off our most beloved tradition.
Serena van der Woodsen: Just get over it Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Excuse me?
Serena van der Woodsen: My whole life I have been bending over backwards to protect your feelings and you know what? It's not my fault you're so insecure.
Blair Waldorf: And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just the truth. From now on, I'm gonna be who I am and if you can support that and not be threatened and competitive then great, if not...

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so glad they did this alphabetically, cause now I get to see the look on your face when I use your answer even sooner.
Blair Waldorf: I can tell you right now the look on my face will be a vindication.

Blair Waldorf: Of all the things, Nate, my mom, the girls at school - you wouldn't take this from me.
Blair Waldorf: Because if you do, I swear I will take you down.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not taking anything from you Blair, I was invited. And as for taking me down, I'd love to see you try.

Chuck Bass: Humphrey, never a pleasure.
Dan Humphrey: Oh good we actually agree on something.
Chuck Bass: Archibald, isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
Nate Archibald: Hey man let's go.

Nate Archibald: What are you doing?
Dan Humphrey: What am I doing? What are you doing? Or is that not you with my 15 year old sister?
Nate Archibald: Okay, woah woah just calm down.
Dan Humphrey: We took you into our house Nate!
Nate Archibald: Look Dan it's not like I planned on it alright? Okay things just happen. I'm sorry. Come on, she's a sophomore, I'm a senior. Don't act like I'm some creepy older guy.
Dan Humphrey: No, your the guy who traded sex for money.
Nate Archibald: My god, Vanessa...
Dan Humphrey: It's amazing I don't want you with my little sister.
Nate Archibald: Okay look I'm sorry I didn't say anything about Jenny, okay? But you have no right to judge me.
Dan Humphrey: Where is she?
Nate Archibald: I don't even know, she went off to find Agnes.
Nate Archibald: Do you want me to come help you find her?
Dan Humphrey: No I don't want your help. I want you to pack up your stuff and get out of our house.

Looks like you've just hooked yourself a Bass.

Blair Waldorf: He's totally unsuitable.
Serena van der Woodsen: Who?
Blair Waldorf: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!

Blair Waldorf: Remember, Serena doesn't share.
Serena van der Woodsen: Remember, Blair should learn to.

Blair Waldorf: Where did you find these people?
Dorota: Facebook. I joined few groups.

Blair Waldorf: What do we have, Chuck?
Chuck Bass: Tonight. So shut up. And dance with me.

Nate Archibald: You're really sweet with him.
Blair Waldorf: Me? Sweet? No!
Nate Archibald: But you are. I mean, worrying about him, offering him food, it's downright maternal.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not maternal. I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish.

Nate Archibald: You don't even have to stay that long. You should let people shake your hand, say hello, and you're done.
Chuck Bass: You don't have to convince me.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, good. Well, I just thought that after what happened at the church, you might not wanna be here.

Serena van der Woodsen: He was probably thinking about you the whole time he was gone.
Blair Waldorf: Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Bo.

You idiot! You don't surprise someone standing off the edge of a building!

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, stop. All this doesn't help. It isn't you.
Chuck Bass: Wrong. Bart may have been a bastard, but he saw me better than anyone. Simply living up to my potential. It's time to let go of your fantasies.

Serena van der Woodsen: [reads Gossip Girl on Blair's phone] Nothing yet on Lonely Boy though we did find out he brown-bags it for lunch and today's plat du jour, a tuna sandwich. Disgusting but not enough for a conviction. Keep digging, kiddies.
Blair Waldorf: Tuna fish? Why does he make it so hard for himself?

It's so hard finding obedient minions.

Vanessa Abrams: Hey, I'm thinking one pink can of gummy worms and another of Swedish fish.
Dan Humphrey: Is this how you and Nate want to celebrate two months of dating? With all things gummy?

Jack Bass: Chuck, this letter represents your dad's final words.
Blair Waldorf: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it!
Nate Archibald: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says?
Chuck Bass: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son, I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"

Chuck Bass: I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Blair Waldorf: It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer.

I'm just reading the Brown catalog. Oh, and I ordered a home dreadlocking kit.

Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.

Nate Archibald: I saw a DVD of 'The Ring Cycle' at her house and I figured she might like some champagne in my family's box.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, that's good, that's good. Don't tell her you saw that DVD though, because I pointed it out once and she made me watch the whole thing with no sub-titles. If you've ever seen "A Clockwork Orange" then you know how that ended up.
Nate Archibald: What's a clockwork orange?

Eric van der Woodsen: It reaches a high F. That never happens in operas. You know, that's a good fact. You should talk about it in intermission. You're gonna love The Magic Flute it's uhh... well it's...
Jenny Humphrey: It's okay. You can say it.
Eric van der Woodsen: Opera for amateurs.

Dan Humphrey: You called Yale? You sent that blast in to Gossip Girl to get revenge against Blair? I believed in you... all your talk about integrity and ideals.
Rachel Carr: My ideals? Blair spread false rumors about us, blackmailed the entire school, and turned my job and career into a sham with no repercussions. She's a self-absorbed psychopath with no remorse, regret, shame or guilt for her actions.
Dan Humphrey: My God... you're just as bad as she is. No, you're worse! Blair is a high school student. You're an adult. She has her whole life ahead of her. You ruined her dream to get into the college of her choice. You need to fix things with Blair.
Rachel Carr: Absolutely not! Blair got what she deserved. She's had it coming for a long time.
Dan Humphrey: You know how you felt when you told me that all your hopes and ideals were crushed? Well, congratulations. You've just crushed mine.

You know at least last year it was my face on the cake. And the people at my party might've hated me, but at least they knew who I was. I know that it's hard for you guys to understand, but I like being me and as crazy as it may seem, I choose not to be a Park Avenue Princess on my birthday or any other day.

Serena van der Woodsen: I have supported you in all your crazy choices, case and point!
Serena van der Woodsen: Now would you please have some faith in me for once? I'm going back to my boyfriend and if you know what's good for you, so will you!

Serena van der Woodsen: I keep trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't. It doesn't make any sense.
Blair Waldorf: Feelings never do. They get you all confused, then they drive you around for hours until they drop you right back to where you started.

Georgina Sparks: Look, Blair, everyone else has forgiven me. I'm just waiting on you.
Blair Waldorf: Everyone who? And besides, some things are unforgivable.
Georgina Sparks: God will help me find a way to earn your forgiveness.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, looks like He answers mine first faster than yours.

Okay, someone needs to get this crazy girl out of here.

Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck, what is she doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Are you trying to have me killed? Bass?
Chuck Bass: She's fine!
Nate Archibald: Shh! Shut up!
Blair Waldorf: Oh, my God. I am going to scream at somebody right now.

Blair Waldorf: I don't think Jesus would approve of that.
Georgina Sparks: Well, you can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.

Okay, someone needs to get this crazy girl out of here.

Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck, what is she doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Are you trying to have me killed? Bass?
Chuck Bass: She's fine!
Nate Archibald: Shh! Shut up!
Blair Waldorf: Oh, my God. I am going to scream at somebody right now.

Georgina Sparks: I just want to apologize. One of the most sacred acts is the ritual of forgiveness.
Chuck Bass: Why is it when you say ritual, I think human sacrifice?

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I can't believe Blair won!
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, who even voted for her?
Chuck Bass: Me. About 150 times. I wasn't putting the Nelly Yuki ballots in, I was taking them out.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I can't believe Blair won!
Dan Humphrey: Yeah, who even voted for her?
Chuck Bass: Me. About 150 times. I wasn't putting the Nelly Yuki ballots in, I was taking them out.

Blair Waldorf: Serena's been in jail for over four hours. She's already served more time than Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan combined!
Chuck Bass: She's a socialite mistakenly accused of stealing a bracelet. I doubt they're working her over with the phone book.

Serena van der Woodsen: Does he even know that you and Nate broke up?
Blair Waldorf: Have you not told him?
Serena van der Woodsen: It's not like we stay up at night, braiding each other's hair and having heart-to-hearts.

Gossip Girl can be right about all she wants, but I won't let her be right about me. I will not be weak anymore. You can't run, you have to stay here and hear it this time. Chuck Bass, I love you. I love so much it consumes me. I love you. I know you love me too. Tell me you love me and everything we've done all the gossip and lies and the hurt would have been for something. Tell me it was for something.

Vanessa Abrams: Humphrey! Where is your mind?
Dan Humphrey: Well, I know it sounds crazy, but I actually... I kind of miss high school.
Dan Humphrey: I miss Blair Waldorf and her daily ego demolitions, Nelly Yuki stealing my lunch, even Chuck Bass who would get
Dan Humphrey: so close to talk.

This graduation is a celebration for us, too. No more mean girls! We have suffered under their dictatorship for way too long. Starting next fall, there will be peace in the kingdom.

Blair Waldorf: What if we need games? What if without them we're boring?
Chuck Bass: We could never be boring.
Blair Waldorf: You say that, but I know you. You're Chuck Bass.
Chuck Bass: I'm not Chuck Bass without you.

I'm done living in my father's shadow and that includes his hotel.

Georgina Sparks: My parents said it was either Bible camp or college, so... go Bobcats!
Blair Waldorf: So you're not in love with Jesus anymore.
Georgina Sparks: I still hold Him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship.
Blair Waldorf: You mean He dumped you because He found out you were Satan.

Georgina Sparks: My parents said it was either Bible camp or college, so... go Bobcats!
Blair Waldorf: So you're not in love with Jesus anymore.
Georgina Sparks: I still hold Him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship.
Blair Waldorf: You mean He dumped you because He found out you were Satan.

Vanessa Abrams: Maybe we were too hard on her.
Dan Humphrey: Are you serious? She's Georgina!
Vanessa Abrams: And you're Dan!
Dan Humphrey: And you're Vanessa! This is a fun game.

I would just check to make sure there's not an ice pick under the bed.

Show him respect? He's a club owner, not a mafia don.

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don't care about Constance, or social hierarchy. They don't care that I'm Blair Waldorf! It's over.
Chuck Bass: How can you do this to me?
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that?
Blair Waldorf: That's not how it is.
Chuck Bass: It's exactly how it is. The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you.

Well, as much as I enjoy my current girlfriend talking to my ex-girlfriend about a fake boyfriend who is also my current girlfriend's ex, you could probably get us a copy of that Fallon interview, right?

Serena van der Woodsen: You loved me?
Nate Archibald: Of course, I did. Serena, you're the most beautiful, amazing, alive person I've ever known.

I'm Chuck Bass. Even Europeans should know what that means.

You're strong. You carry people. You carry me.

Chuck Bass: My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most I was. I couldn't be there when he, uh... I left right away. I've been pushing myself to prove him wrong, and pushing you away.
Blair Waldorf: I don't think you ran away because you couldn't handle death. I think it's because you couldn't handle feelings. You're not like that anymore. You're strong. You carry people. You carry me. You're becoming a man in a way that your father never was.

Dan Humphrey: Problem solved! What could be friendlier than taking a mock photo?
Dan Humphrey: Eh... Photo?

Nate Archibald: And whatever he did, I'm sure you can find a suitable punishment for him.
Blair Waldorf: There is no punishment for what he did.
Nate Archibald: You're Blair Waldorf. Punishment is your middle name.

Blair Waldorf: Everything you said last night was true. We do belong together. We're both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we're incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck Bass: Blair, I don't want this to be you settling some sort of consolation.
Blair Waldorf: We've both hit rock bottom, Chuck, but we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell.

Blair Waldorf: Did you send the invitations by carrier pigeon? I-is the elevator broken? A meteor headed for earth?
Blair Waldorf: You were against this from the start. What did you do?

Dan Humphrey: Hey, Jenny! Jenny! Please tell me what you're doing here, starting with "Dad knows", and ending with "these drinks are not for me."
Jenny Humphrey: Since I haven't actually talked to Dad today, no. But these drinks are for Nate and Chuck.
Dan Humphrey: What are you doing with Nate and Chuck?
Jenny Humphrey: Well, Nate's my friend, and Chuck's totally harmless unless this place runs out of ice.

Chuck Bass: I haven't read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair Waldorf: I knew it. I knew you'd fatwa'd me.
Chuck Bass: And I knew you couldn't break it.
Blair Waldorf: You're wrong. I could have.
Chuck Bass: Then why didn't you?
Blair Waldorf: Because... I suddenly realized it. The way to get over you, isn't by hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday, and when I do, it'll be for me. Good-bye, Chuck.

Judge away. Shame turns me on.

Blair Waldorf: The two of you here together? Please tell me there's an explanation that doesn't involve the apocalypse.
Chuck Bass: We come in peace and with a purpose.

Chuck Bass: [to Blair] I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you, and it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Chuck Bass: We're never going to be safe. So are you brave enough or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building.
Blair Waldorf: You can't Affair to Remember me.
Chuck Bass: If you're not there tomorrow, at 7:01, I'm closing my heart to you forever.
Blair Waldorf: Well, I won't be there.

Serena van der Woodsen: Hey. Didn't expect to find you here, staring at babies.
Dan Humphrey: Turns out I'm a big fan of babies.

Dorota Kishlovsky: Miss Blair, I defriend Mr. Chuck in Facebook and in life. But... This is pretty romantic thing he's doing. If not going means never having Chuck in your life again, are you prepared to live like that?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but even if I'm not, if you let me go anywhere near 34th street, there won't be a miracle but a massacre.

Dan Humphrey: Blair... Say life is giving you signs, and you're ignoring them because you're afraid of the thing they're signaling you to do. But-but then-but then you think, what if these signs are here for a reason and-and ignoring them just makes me a coward?
Blair Waldorf: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious, and the lower class. I don't believe in them and neither should you.

Blair Waldorf: When are you gonna get it? For three years, you've tried to worm your way into our world, but you will never be a part of it no matter what you do. This isn't copycat dressing at Constance or dumping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena? That's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't trying to, I...
Blair Waldorf: Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa -God knows why-, and chuck loves me. But, you, Jenny? No one loves you, except your daddy. And after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore?

I even made a list of pros and cons. Dan: Good shoulders to cry on. Nate: Good shoulders.

Vanessa Abrams: Stop talking.
Dan Humphrey: You know I'm not good at that.
Vanessa Abrams: I think I can help.

Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they settle for catfish.

Juliet Sharp: I should have known that taking down Serena involved wearing the perfect dress.
Jenny Humphrey: Well, any time I can combine style with revenge. Plus, this isn't exactly my first masquerade party.
Juliet Sharp: I'll see you inside.

Blair Waldorf: We can't do nothing for three days. Who knows how far Juliet could get in that time?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah. I think we just gotta tell my dad and Lily. What Juliet did with these pills is against the law.
Blair Waldorf: Police and Parents. Of course that's your plan, Humphrey. Or we could sneak in to see Serena.
Blair Waldorf: That receptionist got a pretty good look at me, but maybe with a wig...
Dan Humphrey: That's your plan? Disguises and accents?
Blair Waldorf: I never said anything about accents. Can you do any?

Dan Humphrey: Now, what's so urgent?
Blair Waldorf: I wanted to tell you... that you were right... about that... thing.
Dan Humphrey: And now, which thing was that?
Blair Waldorf: I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
Dan Humphrey: As a friend and peer, not as an underling.
Blair Waldorf: As my friend and peer, not my underling.

Chuck Bass: You're lying.
Russell Thorpe: No. Belive me, I wish I was. Because of your late, ruthless, cold-blooded father, my wife is dead.
Chuck Bass: I confronted my father three years ago about the fire when he was alive. He admitted that a security guard died in that factory warehouse fire and that Bart personally compensated the man's wife and family.
Russell Thorpe: Why do you think the security guard was inside the building? He was trying to save my wife. Two weeks before she died, she confided in me that she suspected that Bart Bass was plotting to set one of his own warehouses on fire in order to burn it down since it was only making a moderate profit than a huge profit, and that way he could not only collect a large insurance settlement but also get much more in government tax write-offs. Now do you see the reason of my vendetta against your father? My resolve to destroy his company? No one knows the truth, not even Raina. She thinks her mother left her when she was 10 for another man and that she lives somewhere in Europe under a false name.
Chuck Bass: You blame my father for your wife's death in a fire that was purely an accident. You'd say anything to hurt my father's memory.
Russell Thorpe: Perhaps. But I think you know your father well enough to belive that he was very capable of taking a life... commiting murder for business sake. Well... I'll be leaving back for Chicago tonight. I hope your stepmother enjoys rotting in prison to protect the legacy of the late great Bart Bass.

Serena van der Woodsen , Vanessa Abrams: We need to talk to you.
Chuck Bass: I need to talk to you.
Nate Archibald: Hey, I need to talk to you.
Eric van der Woodsen: Okay, woah. Just tell me that no one's trying to stop a wedding, run a Ponzi scheme, give anybody fake cancer or turn into a justifiably vengeful townie.

Dan Humphrey: Hey, what are you doing up here?
Nate Archibald: Meeting Serena. You too?
Dan Humphrey: Why do I feel like we've been here before.

Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
Louis Grimaldi: I see.
Blair Waldorf: Louis...
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: No, I need to do this myself. What I need to tell you is...
Chuck Bass: What she's trying to say is you have my blessing. I couldn't be more happy the two of you are getting married.

Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna lose everything.
Dan Humphrey: You'll still have me.
Gossip Girl: Maybe it's not bloodbonds that make us a family. Perhaps it's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, so we can finally be ourselves. XO, XO, Gossip Girl.

Dan Humphrey: You could have died.
Chuck Bass: Is being dead so much worse than being nothing?

Serena Van Der Woodsen: Stop worrying about your mom. CeCe won't tell a soul you're here, and she promised to call my mom to make sure she doesn't say anything either.
Charlie Rhodes: Well, even if that's true, what about Blair or Dan or everyone else? I don't think they'd be thrilled to find out that the psychotic freak is back in town.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Please. This place is a mecca for psychotic freaks.

Dan Humphrey: Go to your interview, I'll meet you at your apartment, and we'll open it there.
Blair Waldorf: That is much more civilized. Unlike your hair, Humphrey. You look like a muppet.

Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
Nate Archibald: What is this about?
Lily: Is everything alright?
Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.

Dan Humphrey: I told Cassandra that I'm giving you the book rights.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: No, you don't have to do that. I wasn't trying to guilt you into it.
Dan Humphrey: No, I know. I know, but without you inspiring me from the beginning, I wouldn't be able to write anything, so... I owe you one. And despite the events of today, you know... I trust you.

Serena Van Der Woodsen: So, Mr. Screenwriter... Are you ready for your your first ever development meeting?
Dan Humphrey: I think so. As long as you guys don't wanna change the ending. Or the beginning. Or all the stuff in the middle.

Chuck Bass: I'm not here to apologize about what happened tonight.
Blair Waldorf: Then what are you here to apologize for?
Chuck Bass: Everything else... I'm sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you... I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building... I'm sorry for treating you like property... And I'm sorry *sigh* I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did... Most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us, and you never did.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you.
Blair Waldorf: I hope never giving up on people isn't going to be my downfall.
Chuck Bass: That's why you're going to be an amazing mother. You're always there for the people you love, even when they don't deserve it.

I'm pretty sure the only war Chuck is waging is with his own demons.

Dan Humphrey: Okay! Yeah. I'm... as you can tell by my casual attire, I'm... I'm crashing this party, but... but it's only because I needed to stop whining, start becoming a man of action. And a man of action wouldn't just do nothing. A man of action would, uh, would show up and finally confront the person he's been meaning to have a conversation with for a very long time now. I wouldn't expect you to understand what I'm saying. Who the hell are you people anyway?
Dan Humphrey: Must be friends of the groom.

Dorota Kishlovsky: We go to Dorota's in Queens!
Blair Waldorf: Princesses don't go to Queens.
Dorota Kishlovsky: Need to marry Louis to be princess.

Dan Humphrey: When you told me about the idea of rewriting the ending of my story, I thought maybe... maybe that's the answer.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Then what stopped you?
Dan Humphrey: When I saw Blair discover how she felt about Chuck, she was heartbroken. I mean, I've been so consumed about my own feelings I wouldn't let myself see how much she loves Chuck. You were right. She didn't need my confession. She needed my help.
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Wow, that's... that's a really amazing thing to do, Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I mean, I... It wasn't easy, but I do think I can give myself a new ending by making sure that she and Chuck get the ending they deserve. I want her to be happy.

Nate Archibald: Hey, Dan, glad to see you! You know, "Inside" didn't make it into our "Year's Best Book" list. I'm sorry, dude.
Dan Humphrey: Well, it's probably best to keep it in 2011. It's a new year, a new book.
Nate Archibald: What's this one about?
Dan Humphrey: I don't know yet. Which could be why I haven't started writing it.

Chuck Bass: Did you know Blair was back in town?
Dan Humphrey: No. I live in Brooklyn. Without Gossip Girl, I know nothing.

Dan Humphrey: Look, Serena, while we're alone, there's something I wanna say to you...
Serena Van Der Woodsen: Are you fake breaking up with me?

I've read every piece of The Spectator since I started there, and unless Christina Aguilera is mad about our baby bumper Mexican lunch article, I really don't think there's anything in here worth hurting me over.

Dan Humphrey: Who was that?
Nate Archibald: Someone I should've remembered. Maybe that's my issue. Paying too much attention to the wrong girls and not enough to the right ones.
Dan Humphrey: Well, off a list of your issues, I'm not sure I'd start with that one.

Blair Waldorf: I wanna apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you.
Blair Waldorf: I also know you wrote those vows.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I... you know, Louis asked me to, I-I just... I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.
Blair Waldorf: Well, you did a great job. It's pretty obvious that you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend, of course.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah. Of course.
Blair Waldorf: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around, or making fun of your hair... Seriously, you should cut it already.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.
Dan Humphrey: No, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?
Blair Waldorf: I know what I have to do. I just need to know that you'll be there for me.
Dan Humphrey: Always.

Dan Humphrey: Well if you came here to tell me what a horrible person I am, you're too late. I already know.
Blair Waldorf: That's not why I came.
Dan Humphrey: You got back together with Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: No.
Dan Humphrey: Are you... moving to a desert island where there are no men at all? You'll be living the rest of your life in peaceful solitude?
Blair Waldorf: No. I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore. I realized it belongs to someone else.
Blair Waldorf: So Dan, are you going to invite me in or what?
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: You just said my name.
Blair Waldorf: Dan?
Dan Humphrey: You just said it again.
Blair Waldorf: Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Say it again.
Blair Waldorf: Dan.

We tried to create a new world for our relationship to exist but we failed miserably. You don't live in my world and I certainly don't want to live in yours. So what does that leave us?

Look Blair, I'm not trying to be difficult but I don't wanna just melt into your world and lose myself completely. We need a balance.

Dorota Kishlovsky: You sure you want to read miss Blair? There are some bad things about friends in there.
Blair Waldorf: Don't you know me at all? I love reading bad things about my friends. It's the only thing that makes me feel better about myself.

After everything we've been through, there's no room for secrets. Nor should there be. Whatever it is you can tell me, Blair. It's just us here you and me.

There is nothing I want more than to spend the summer right by your side

If I was truly powerful, I'd be content without any man at all.

Georgina Sparks: Dan Humphrey. Come to whisk me away for a secret rendezvous under the Tuscan sun? You're lucky you're on my free-pass list, otherwise Philip might have put up a fuss.
Dan Humphrey: This invitation isn't about seduction, Georgina. It's about scandal.
Georgina Sparks: Can't a girl have both? Philip will understand. We have an open marriage and a mutual understanding of each other.
Dan Humphrey: I need your photographic memory and your passion for social upheaval to help me write another book on the Upper East Side. The book I should have written from the beginning.
Georgina Sparks: Nothing like a scorned lover to scorch the earth. I can hardly wait.

Bart Bass: What did you want to discuss?
Chuck Bass: You said that this was a family business. What happened to us being partners?
Bart Bass: You said partnership. I said nothing, and I did what is best for the company.
Chuck Bass: The only reason why this company still exists is because I saved it. All I've done for the past three years is work to protect your legacy.
Bart Bass: And pine after Blair Waldorf.
Chuck Bass: Blair has nothing to do with how I've handled this business!
Bart Bass: You didn't try to trade her for a hotel deed? You didn't let everything fall apart when you ran away from her all the way to Europe? You didn't just, three months ago, almost bankrupt yourself trying to get her out of her marriage? I had hoped that you would had outgrown such foolish behavior. But you're still willing to throw everything away for a girl who has done nothing but toy with you. And you proved that when you took that engagement ring.
Chuck Bass: You gave me it. You encouraged me to win her back!
Bart Bass: It was a test. To see if you were ready to be a Bass like me. Ruthless, manipulative, vindictive, ambitious, greedy, and iron-hearted. To do the things to be a great man in order to be respected and feared. And you failed.
Chuck Bass: Failed? I got you out of hiding. I took down your enemy. I built this Empire Hotel!
Bart Bass: No, no, no, the most you have done is used my money to redecorate. Bass Industries needs to be run by a man, not a boy like you. You've never grown up. Maybe you can start, now that you're out. I want you out of this hotel by tomorrow. Goodbye and good luck, Chuck.

Georgina Sparks: Great news! You'll never guess what I found.
Blair Waldorf: Looks like Nate Archibald to me.

Really? Wisconsin? Do you even know where that is on the map?

Serena van der Woodsen: What the hell are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... Looking for you!
Georgina Sparks: To observe and record.
Nate Archibald: No, we're here to help you.
Chuck Bass: And get you home.
Dan Humphrey: And, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

Blair Waldorf: How could you do this to me? Just because I didn't give your geriatric boyfriend a seat doesn't mean you had to tell Sage to sabotage my show.
Serena van der Woodsen: Save it, Blair! You were so upset that I care more about Steven then your show that you had to destroy my relationship.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't tell her to take off her dress in front of all of New York City on that fashion runway. You did.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, I didn't. I would rather avoid the child pornography charges.
Blair Waldorf: Well, if I didn't tell her to take off the dress and you didn't tell her to take off the dress, then who did?
Sage Spence: Nobody. I happened to like the underwear more.

Rufus Humphrey: They kicked you out too, didn't they? I saw your piece on Serena. You let me off easy by comparison.
Dan Humphrey: All I did was tell the truth.
Rufus Humphrey: "Your" truth. Everybody has a version... a way of delivering it. It wouldn't have been my choice.
Dan Humphrey: Well, maybe that's why Lily doesn't respect you. Why she chose Bart Bass over you. Her money over you.
Rufus Humphrey: So is this how you become Bart Bass? You become just as cold, devious and evil as those Upper East Siders?
Dan Humphrey: I did what I had to do. Tonight, for the first time in my life, those rich people weren't looking "down" on me. They may have hated me. But I was one of them. Jenny, Vanessa, among others were right. In order to stand up to, face and defeat evil people, you have to become evil.
Rufus Humphrey: Congratulations... I guess. So now that you've achieved that, you can come back to Brooklyn.
Dan Humphrey: What I want isn't in Brooklyn. I'm only staying with you for now because we're still family. I have a plan. I've always had a plan this whole time... and it's working.