Moe Szyslak Quotes

Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Mr. Freely there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Freely. First initials, I. P.
Moe: Hey, everybody, I pee freely!

Fun's over, fellas! If you're gonna beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two-drink minimum.

Bart: Milhouse. You were supposed to be the night watchman.
Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.
Bart: Wow, I wonder where all the rats are going to go...
Moe: All right, everybody tuck your pants into your socks.

Moe: Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme. Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back - hey, would you cuddle me?
Moe: Dude, that little!
Moe: I'm going to drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific. Stop.

Moe Szyslak: Boy, this voice-over stuff is kiling me. Whatever they pay Don Pardo for this, it ain't enough.
Don Pardo: I make more than you can possibly imagine, and I'm making it right now!
Moe Szyslak: Where are you?

Moe Szyslak: Hey, clown! We've heard your stand-up, now how about some shut-up?
Krusty the Clown: Everyone's a comedian!
Moe Szyslak: Everyone except you!

Homer Simpson: It says here that Iceland is green and Greenland is icy. The Vikings switched the names to screw with people.
Moe Szyslak: Stupid Vikings! It's still pretty damn cold!
Lenny Leonard: All I brought was shorts.

Homer Simpson: She's gone!
Moe Szyslak: And she trashed my bar! No, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

I can't stand that pretty boy quarterback. He thinks he's so handsome, just because he's drop-dead gorgeous.

I haven't been this confident since I saw "La La Land" win Best Picture and turned off my TV.

I haven't been this confident since I saw "La La Land" win Best Picture and turned off my TV.

Yeah, my dad left when I was most vulnerable: the day after mom left.