Gordie Lachance Quotes

Vern: Ha-ha! You flinched! Two for flinching! Two for flinching!
Vern: ...B-but... you flinched!
Teddy: I know. Two for flinching.

Vern: This isn't funny! What am I supposed to eat?
Teddy: You could cook your dick.
Chris: It'd be a small meal.

Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?
Vern: Why not? I saw the other day. He was carrying five elephants in one hand!
Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
Vern: Yeah, maybe you're right. It'd be a good fight, though.

You guys wanna go see a dead body?

Teddy: Did your mother have any kids that lived?
Vern: What do you mean?

Vern: Come on you guys. Let's get moving.
Teddy: Yeah, by the time we get there, the kid won't even be dead anymore.

Vern: I told you we should of stuck to the tracks.
Teddy: Is it me, or are you the world's biggest pussy?
Vern: I suppose this is fun for you?
Teddy: No... but this is.

Vern: There's one thing I didn't understand. Did Lardass have to pay to get in the contest?
Gordie: No, Vern. They just let him in.

Vern: Geez, Gordie. Why couldn't you have gotten breakfast stuff? Like Twinkies and Pez and Root Beer?
Gordie: Sorry, Vern. I guess a more experienced shopper could have gotten more for your seven cents.

Vern: I wasn't that scared. I wasn't. Sincerely.
Gordie: Okay. Then you won't mind if we check the seat of your jockies for Hershey squirts, will you?
Vern: Go screw.

Vern: Nothing like a smoke after a meal.
Teddy: Yeah... I cherish these moments.
Teddy: What? What did I say?

Vern: What am I supposed to do, think of everything? I brought the comb!
Teddy: Oh, great! You brought the comb! What did you bring a comb for? You don't even have any hair!

Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?
Chris: Definitely.
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird.

Gordie: Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?
Vern: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.
Teddy: Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.
Gordie: I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could know that much about opera!
Chris: He can't be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.
Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.
Vern: Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?

Well, all the kids, instead of calling him Davie, they call him Lardass. Lardass Hogan. Even his little brother and sister calls him Lardass. At school, they put a sticker on his back that says "Wide-Load". And they rank him out and beat him up whenever they get a chance. But one day, he gets an idea; a greatest revenge idea, a kid ever had.

Piss up a rope!

Walking talking Jesus!

Gordie: But you didn't miss him. Chris Chambers never misses, does he?
Chris: Not even when the ladies leave the seat down.

Chris: You're gonna be a great writer someday, Gordie. You might even write about us guys if you ever get hard-up for material.
Gordie: Guess I'd have to be pretty hard-up, huh?

Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

Chris: I'm never gonna get out of this town am I, Gordie?
Gordie: You can do anything you want, man.
Chris: Yeah, sure. Give me some skin.
Gordie: I'll see ya.
Chris: Not if I see you first.

Gordie: Why did he have to die, Chris? Why did Denny have to die?
Chris: I don't know.
Gordie: It should've been me.
Chris: Don't say that.
Gordie: It should've been me.
Chris: Don't say that, man!
Gordie: I'm no good. My dad said it. I'm no good.
Chris: He doesn't know you.
Gordie: He hates me.
Chris: He doesn't hate you.
Gordie: He hates me!
Chris: No! He just doesn't know you.