Vern Tessio Quotes

Gordie: Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?
Vern: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.
Teddy: Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.
Gordie: I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could know that much about opera!
Chris: He can't be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.
Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.
Vern: Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?

Vern: Ha-ha! You flinched! Two for flinching! Two for flinching!
Vern: ...B-but... you flinched!
Teddy: I know. Two for flinching.

Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?
Vern: Why not? I saw the other day. He was carrying five elephants in one hand!
Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
Vern: Yeah, maybe you're right. It'd be a good fight, though.

Vern: This isn't funny! What am I supposed to eat?
Teddy: You could cook your dick.
Chris: It'd be a small meal.

Vern: What am I supposed to do, think of everything? I brought the comb!
Teddy: Oh, great! You brought the comb! What did you bring a comb for? You don't even have any hair!

Vern: Nothing like a smoke after a meal.
Teddy: Yeah... I cherish these moments.
Teddy: What? What did I say?

Vern: I wasn't that scared. I wasn't. Sincerely.
Gordie: Okay. Then you won't mind if we check the seat of your jockies for Hershey squirts, will you?
Vern: Go screw.

Vern: Geez, Gordie. Why couldn't you have gotten breakfast stuff? Like Twinkies and Pez and Root Beer?
Gordie: Sorry, Vern. I guess a more experienced shopper could have gotten more for your seven cents.

Vern: There's one thing I didn't understand. Did Lardass have to pay to get in the contest?
Gordie: No, Vern. They just let him in.

Vern: I told you we should of stuck to the tracks.
Teddy: Is it me, or are you the world's biggest pussy?
Vern: I suppose this is fun for you?
Teddy: No... but this is.

Vern: Come on you guys. Let's get moving.
Teddy: Yeah, by the time we get there, the kid won't even be dead anymore.

Teddy: Did your mother have any kids that lived?
Vern: What do you mean?

You guys wanna go see a dead body?