Wade Wilson Quotes

Only best buddies execute pedophiles together.

Wade Wilson : George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! He's dead, too. At least we still have Bowie.
Weasel : Yeah, we still...
Weasel : ... have Bowie.

Deadpool : I don't speak Cantonese, Mr...
Deadpool : Well, I'm not even going to attempt that. But I did take eighth grade Spanish, so donde esta la biblioteca? Which literally translates to: I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker.

Dopinder : Oh, I shit my pants.
Deadpool : Actually, that may have been me.

Cable : I was born into war, bred into it. People think they understand pain, but they have no concept of it. What's the most pain you've ever felt? Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man.
Deadpool :Wait, no, STOP! What in the actual ass? Dale! Why, why are the visual effects not done? It's a metal arm! It's not like we're trying to remove a mustache! Oh fuck it, I'll do it myself...

Zip it, Thanos!

Cable : Who are you?
Wade Wilson : I'm Batman.

Deadpool : Just once, I gonna to find a planet where people are worse than me at everything, a whole bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there and be their Superman.
Weasel : Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool : You shut your goddamn trash mouth!

So, from our family to yours, keep your pants dry, your dreams wet, and remember, hugs not drugs.

You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch!

Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low.

Deadpool : Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful bright light? There it is.
Deadpool : Oh, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that.

Dopinder : I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool sir.
Deadpool : Dopinder, you never cease to surprise me. You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home, a place...
Dopinder : I want to become a contract killer.
Deadpool : I'm sorry, what did you say?
Dopinder : Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence?
Deadpool : Yeah, you kinda killed him.
Dopinder : And remember the movie "Interview with the Vampire?"
Deadpool : Don't want to.
Dopinder : When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time. And she looked up at his smooth, handsome face and said "I want some more." Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
Deadpool : ...I'll never not picture that. But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible.

Deadpool : You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and your wife?
Cable : No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool : No, you did it for me.
Cable : No, I didn't.
Deadpool : You did.
Cable : No, I didn't.
Deadpool : Pretty sure you did.
Cable : No, I'm positive I didn't.
Deadpool : Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
Deadpool : I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.
Cable : Say it again.
Deadpool : You did it for me.
Cable : Jesus.

Cable : Dubstep's for pussies!
Wade Wilson : You're so dark. Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?

Black Tom : I'm Black Tom Cassidy.
Wade Wilson : White Wade Wilson.

Wade Wilson : I'm gonna go make desert. You get the strap-on, and let's make a superbaby.
Vanessa : Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try.

Weasel : And last but not least... Peter.
Deadpool : Any power you wanna tell us about?
Peter : I don't... I don't have one. Um, I just saw the ad.
Deadpool : No superpowers at all?
Peter : Uh, I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes.
Deadpool : Ow! Oh!
Weasel : That's all the diabetes.
Deadpool : Right. Yeah, you got them all. If you find a type 3, let us know. Yeah. You're in.

Cable : I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: One to get me here, one to get me home.
Wade Wilson : Well, that's just lazy writing.

Dopinder : I want some more.
Deadpool :I bet you do, Brown Panther.

Colossus : Wade! What was the first rule?
Deadpool : Label everything in the refrigerator!

Cable : There's nothing I can't kill.
Deadpool : Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a first time for everything,son." Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
Deadpool : Those bullets were, like, super fast.

Cable : You remind me of my wife.
Wade Wilson : I'm sorry?
Cable : I said you remind me...
Wade Wilson : No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.

Wade Wilson : Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree. I had to...
Vanessa : Uh-uh.
Wade Wilson : You're right. I was fighting a caped badass, but then we discovered that his mom is named Martha, too.

Vanessa : Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
Wade Wilson : Well, come here
Wade Wilson : Don't fuck Elvis.
Vanessa : Don't fuck Colossus.
Wade Wilson : Wait, what?

Wade Wilson : Isn't that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father? And have consensual sex with their sister?
Vanessa : I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
Wade Wilson : No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
Vanessa : Baby, that's Empire.

Deadpool : Oh, well that's... that's just the most... beautiful thing that I've- I don't know what this is.
Vanessa : My IUD.
Deadpool : ...A bomb?
Vanessa : No, dip-for-brains, my birth control device.

Wade Wilson : Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree and I had to, uh...
Vanessa : Uh-uh.
Wade Wilson : You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too.
Vanessa : No.
Wade Wilson : You got me. I was rounding up all the gluten in the world and launching it into space where it can't not hurt us ever again.
Vanessa : Try again.
Wade Wilson : Diarrhea? We can't be sure until I get this suit off but, uh, all signs point to yes. Traffic? Hmm?
Vanessa : Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

Deadpool : Is this Heaven?
Vanessa : Now it is.

Deadpool : You know what we need to do? We need to build a fucking team. We need 'em tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10-12 years.
Dopinder : My body is an instrument of death.
Deadpool : Not now, Dopinder.

Dopinder : You're my Tom Cruise!
Deadpool : And you're my Kristen Dunst!
Deadpool : Kristen? Kirsten?

Juggernaut : I'm gonna rip you in half now.
Deadpool : That is such a Juggernaut thing to say!

Firefist : Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!
Deadpool :Ha! Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.

With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'm basically Hawkeye.

Domino : They're headed into the tunnel.
Deadpool : I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word.
Domino : Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.
Deadpool : Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
Deadpool : No, we are most certainly not fucked.
Deadpool : Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!

Wade Wilson : I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Weasel : An ocean is water.

Ryan Reynolds : You're in the big leagues now, kid!
Deadpool :You're welcome, Canada.

Deadpool : Fuck it. Superhero landing comin' up.
Deadpool : Ooh! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That is so not practical.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead : We're X-Men.
Deadpool : No, you're X-People.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead : You're X-hausting.
Deadpool : I see what you did there. Puns.

Wade Wilson : Is it just me or does Do You Wanna Build a Snowman from Frozen sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl.
Wade Wilson : Papa, can you hear me?
Wade Wilson : And nobody fucking realizes it.

Deadpool : Cable, you get back to your family and you tell them Wade says hi. And promise me, promise me one thing: that you'll start judging people not by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.
Cable : Jesus...

He's teamed up with the Juggernaut. The Juggernaut! That's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever, but you should never meet your heroes, because honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock, and causes nothing but problems!

We're definitely naming our kid Cher!

Zip it, black Black Widow!

Deadpool : Rules were meant to be broken
Colossus : That's the exact opposite of what they're meant for!

Cable : Why are you protecting the kid?
Deadpool : I don't give a fuck about him and his Are You My Mother complex!

Cable : The name's Cable! From the future. Just walk away.
Wade Wilson : Oh? So you're from the future? I have three questions, then. One: is dubstep still a thing? Two: which Sharknado are we on? And three: at what point will the audience say "enough with the robotic arms"?

Deadpool : I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you.
Cable : No.
Deadpool :Yes. Here we go. Bring it in.
Deadpool : Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking.
Deadpool : Is there a knife in my dick?
Cable : There's a knife in your dick, yeah.