Jim Levenstein Quotes

I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed.

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

God... let this be it.

Jim : Did you see 'The Little Mermaid' on TV yesterday? Ariel, she's so hot!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher : She's a mermaid dude.
Jim : Yeah, but not when she's on land, Oz.

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher : She's a cartoon, dude.
Jim : She's a hot cartoon.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher : Dude, is there anything you don't jerk off to?
Jim : Of course there is. C-Span.

Jim : Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin : You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher : Like warm apple pie.
Jim : Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher : Yeah.
Jim : Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher : Uh huh.
Jim : McDonald's or homemade?

Jim's Dad : It's like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim : Right.
Jim's Dad : It's not a game.
Jim : No.
Jim's Dad : What you want is a partner to return the ball.

Michelle : What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim : Michelle! Michelle.

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Michelle : Now, I have 2 rubbers. Wear them both. It will desensitize you. I don't want you cumming so damn early this time.
Jim : What makes you think that I would cum early?
Michelle : Come on, I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing.
Jim : Yes I am.

Jim : You have something going tonight, Sherman?
Chuck Sherman : You see that Central chick, Bernette?
Jim , Kevin : No.
Chuck Sherman : She's around. It seems she's taken a liking to me. Fellas, it's time she experienced: the Shermanator.