Dee Reynolds Quotes

Frank Reynolds: I'm going with you guys because I am bored as shit.
Dee Reynolds: That's not a good idea because when you get involved people usually get hurt.
Frank Reynolds: I'm just hanging out with the guys. How's anyone gonna get hurt?

Which one of you little shits stole my shoes?

Dee Reynolds: I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio - which is really weird because I've never been to Ohio. And this guy was wearing a bunny suit, and he was coming out of...
Dennis Reynolds: You know what Dee, I don't want to hear about your dream, okay? I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them, and nobody's having sex, I just... don't care.

Bobby Thunderstorm: Hey, now we're talking here. She's a killer!
Dee Reynolds: You're goddamn right I'm a killer.
Brianna: You look like a holocaust victim in pageant makeup.
Dee Reynolds: I will eat your babies, bitch!
Brianna: Bring it!
Frank Reynolds: Nobody's eating anybody's babies.
Bobby Thunderstorm: Hey, you looking to spur, little girl?
Frank Reynolds: No, no. No fight. She's not ready.
Dee Reynolds: Oh, I'm ready.
Frank Reynolds: No, no, you're not ready.
Dee Reynolds: I'm ready! Let me eat her babies!

Dee Reynolds: You're not a winner, Dennis. You're not a winner because you used to be popular in high school but I think you peaked.
Dennis Reynolds: Peaked? Peaked, Dee?
Dennis Reynolds: Let me tell you something, I haven't even begun to peak. And when I do peak, you'll know. Because I'm gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia's gonna feel it.

Charlie Kelly: Oh, you know, I told you. I asked for more money.
Dee Reynolds: What?
Charlie Kelly: Yes, I did!
Dee Reynolds: No, you didn't!
Charlie Kelly: I was using dead presidents as a cover. You didn't get that?
Dee Reynolds: He said to the man, he wanted many, many thousands of green people from history times.

Mac: Will you be providing the weapons?
Neighborhood Leader: No.
Mac: No... Oh, I get it. Okay, we go buy the weapons, we tell you how much we spent, you reimburse us. Great.
Neighborhood Leader: Doesn't work like that.
Dee Reynolds: You gotta give him a receipt.
Mac: Oh, I would make a copy of the receipt.
Dee Reynolds: No, no, no, you give them the original.
Mac: I would give them the original and I would keep the copy? That seems stupid.
Dee Reynolds: Oh, I'm sorry that that's how reimbursement works.
Mac: What if something happens to the weapons, then I'm shit outta luck?
Dee Reynolds: Oh, well then you just ask them for the original back. I'm sure they got a system in place.
Mac: Why would they keep the original, I'm the one that bought the gun!
Dee Reynolds: Oh, it's a gun now!
Mac: It's always been a gun, Dee!

Charlie Kelly: These are two dead bodies.
Dee Reynolds: They're dead. Two dead guys.
Charlie Kelly: This is the real deal here.
Dee Reynolds: [Examining African American specimen] I don't think I can eat this guy.
Charlie Kelly: I don't think I can, right? Why is that?
Dee Reynolds: I don't know.
Charlie Kelly: It's not because he's black, though, right?
Dee Reynolds: Of course not... I don't think so... No.
Charlie Kelly: It's because he's dead, right?
Dee Reynolds: It's because he's dead, that's why not.
Charlie Kelly: Good, good, good.
Charlie Kelly: I've got a question for you: is it racist if we don't eat this guy?
Dee Reynolds: Well, shit, Charlie. Now it is.
Charlie Kelly: I'm sorry, Dee.
Charlie Kelly: The white guy over here looks better to me for some reason.
Dee Reynolds: So much better, doesn't he? What is that?
Charlie Kelly: You know what it is? Generally, I don't eat dark meat.
Dee Reynolds: I prefer the white meat. I always have.
Charlie Kelly: It's not that guy. It's this guy.
Dee Reynolds: The problem is: I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals *and* we're racists.
Dee Reynolds: We're not, Dee. Cannibalism? Racism? Dee, that's not for us. You know? Those are the decisions that are best left to the suits in Washington. Okay? We're just here to eat some dude.
Dee Reynolds: You lost me with Washington, but the rest I agree with. So let's eat a peace of this guy.
Charlie Kelly: I can't do it.
Dee Reynolds: No. Me neither.
Charlie Kelly: The goods news is, I guess this means we're not racist.

Dee Reynolds: You should know how to hold your booze a little better.
Waitress: I'll hold your boobs a little better...

Charlie Kelly: Why is the witch-slave shooting at you anyways?
Frank Reynolds: Maybe she used her sorcery.
Dee Reynolds: Sorcery? Your dumb-dick partner walked into the bar and said he'd stolen a bunch of guns and asked if I wanted to shoot a pumpkin off his head. And of course I did, so here we are.
Frank Reynolds: Damn your necromancy, woman!

Dee Reynolds: Charlie, don't screw me like this. Come on.
Charlie Kelly: Don't screw you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee, let me try and remember something. Let's see, was it, did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? No! Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it, and the gang. And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves, and take it away from Charlie, and ruin his hopes and dreams. So let me tell you something, Dee, let me break down a scenario for you. I could cut the song, okay, because I wrote it. I could have Artemis do the song, okay, because you did not write it. Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. So you tell me, Little Miss All That, what do you want to do? Song or no song?

Frank Reynolds: All right, now pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken and you're gonna cook it tonight and make a tasty dinner that's gonna smell all through the house like cooked chicken.
Beth: Actually, I'm vegan.
Frank Reynolds: Okay, then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat. Maybe it is a shoe.
Dee Reynolds: Nice one.

Dee Reynolds: Okay, I know you all are super stoked to be watching a movie in a bar. But we're just gonna keep it on the down low, you know what I mean? We don't need your parents and the principal finding out. It's just our little secret.
Lisa: I've been in a bar before.
Dee Reynolds: No, you haven't.
Craig: I've been in *this* bar before.

Frank Reynolds: It's the media, see? When it's white people, it's survival. And when it's black people, it's looting.
Dee Reynolds: No, Frank, it's because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers. If the white people were stealing stereo equipment, I would say they were looting too.
Frank Reynolds: How do you know the blacks don't have bread in those speakers?

Dennis Reynolds: Wait, so you just painted your butt blue and nobody noticed the hole in your pants?
Dee Reynolds: Yep, it worked, it worked.
Frank Reynolds: Well, as long as it works.

Dee Reynolds: A 24-hr clock? Is this why we had to wait for you to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond?
Dennis Reynolds: Yes, Dee you Goddamned bitch!