Grandpa Quotes

Olive: Do you think there's a Heaven?
Frank: Well, it's hard to say, Olive. I don't think anyone knows for sure.
Olive: I know, but what do you think?
Frank: Well... um... uh...
Olive: I think there is.
Frank: Think I'll get in?
Olive: Yeah.
Frank: Promise?
Olive: Yeah.

Sweet sweetness!

Richard: Sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
Frank: It is? Really?
Richard: Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level.
Frank: Wow, Richard, you've really opened my eyes to what a loser I am. How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?
Richard: Oh, that ones on the house.

Every night it's the fucking chicken! Holy God Almighty! Is it possible just once we could get something to eat for dinner around here that's not the goddamned fucking chicken?

Olive: Really?
Sheryl: You were great.
Frank: You were better than great.
Dwayne: You were incredible.

Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.

Olive, Richard is an idiot. I like a woman with meat on her bones.

Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet.
Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive: In the trunk of our car.

Olive: Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California: Yes. My favorite is Chocolate Cherry Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.

Olive: Grandpa, am I pretty?
Grandpa: You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
Olive: You're just saying that.
Grandpa: No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality.

Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women kid, not just one woman, a lotta women.

Get yourself a fag rag.

Jesus, I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. You know how tired I am? If a girl came up to me and begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it. That's how tired I am.

A real loser is someone who's so afraid of not winning he doesn't even try.

We're going to California.

Dwayne? That's your name, right?

We were driving for five or six hours... and we thought he was napping...

There are two kinds of people in this world, winners and losers.

Everybody just pretend to be normal.

There's two kinds of people in this world, there's winners and there's losers. Okay, you know what the difference is? Winners don't give up.

Grandpa: Fuck a lotta women, kid, I have no reason to lie to you. Not just one, a lotta women.
Richard: Okay, dad, I think we get it.
Grandpa: Are you getting it? Is it going in anywhere? No, don't show me the pad. I don't wanna see the fucking pad.

Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal.
Grandpa: Are you gettin' any?
Richard: Dad!
Grandpa: You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you gettin' any?
Richard: Come on, please.
Grandpa: No? Jesus. You're what? Fifteen? My God, man!
Richard: Dad!
Grandpa: You should be gettin' that young stuff.
Richard: Dad!
Grandpa: That young stuff is the best stuff in the whole world.
Richard: Hey! Hey! Dad! That's enough! Stop it!
Grandpa: Will you kindly not interrupt me, Richard! See, right now you're jailbait, they're jailbait. It's perfect. I mean, you hit 18, man! You're talkin' about three to five.

Olive: Can I get the, uh, waffles? And, um, what does "a la mode-y" mean?
Diner Waitress: Oh that means it comes with ice cream!
Olive: Ok. A la mode-y then.

Olive: What are you guys talking about?
Grandpa: Politics.
Olive: Oh.

Richard: You know, Olive, Grandpa would have been proud of you today.

Olive: Mom, Dwayne's got 20/20 vision!
Sheryl: I bet he does...
Olive: Now, let's see if you're colorblind.
Olive: What's the letter in the circle?
Olive: No in the circle. The letter... in the circle?
Frank: Can you see a letter, Dwayne?
Olive: It's an A. See? Right there?
Frank: It's bright green.
Frank: Oh man.
Frank: Dwayne, I think you might be colorblind.
Frank: You can't fly jets if you're colorblind.

Olive: Mom? Dad?
Richard: What is it, hon?
Olive: Grandpa won't wake up.

Olive: What are you guys talking about?
Grandpa: Politics.

Olive: Why were you unhappy?
Frank: I fell in love with someone...
Frank: ...who didn't love me back.
Olive: Who?
Frank: One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Olive: Him? You fell in love with a boy?
Frank: Very much so.
Olive: That's silly.
Frank: You're right it was silly. It was very silly
Grandpa: That's another word for it.