Rat Race Quotes

I am not a bus driver! I do not work for the bus company! All right? I... I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform! See this jacket? This is not my jacket! Remember Marty, the bus driver? Huh? This is his shirt! I stole it! And these pants, you think I'd wear these pants? These aren't my pants! These are Marty's pants. I stole them. I am not a bus driver!

Nick Schaffer : What's this $110?
Hotel Clerk : Those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer : No, I didn't watch any movies.
Hotel Clerk : Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer : Afro Whores?
Hotel Clerk : You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.
Nick Schaffer : No, no, no...
Hotel Clerk : Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer : I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk : This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer : It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk : Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it?
Nick Schaffer : None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk : Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... "
Nick Schaffer : I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it!
Nick Schaffer : I didn't.

Lucy Impersonator : How about a pit-stop?
Owen Templeton : Sorry, this is a one way flight. There's a bathroom in the back.
Lucy : The latch is broken. Anyone could just walk right in.
Owen Templeton : So? Look, you ain't got nothin' these other Lucys haven't seen before.
Lucy : Not necessarily.

Enrico Pollini : I am Enrico Pollini. Now, I know what you are thinking... Enrico is a girl's name.
Owen Templeton : No I wasn't.
Enrico Pollini : No pun intended.
Owen Templeton : What pun was that?

Gus the Cabbie : Confederate... confederate... THROW THE BALL! That's why you're not going to get drafted! You'll be lucky to play arena football in Barcelona!
Gus the Cabbie : You like football?
Owen Templeton : Sure.
Gus the Cabbie : Did you happen to catch that, uh, Dallas game last week? You can't really call it a game, it was more of an obscenity, a crime against football. I lost twenty grand on that game! And they would have won! Now I gotta work TWO shifts because of that idiot! I mean, Stevie Wonder coulda done a better job callin' that game.