Nick Schaffer Quotes

Hi. I'm checking out 14322.

Tracy Faucet : C'mon, open it!
Nick Schaffer : You know, Tracy, I really don't feel comfortable...
Tracy Faucet : OPEN IT!
Nick Schaffer : Okay.

Tracy Faucet : So what's wrong with her?
Nick Schaffer : Who?
Tracy Faucet : Your sister. You said it was serious.
Nick Schaffer : Oh yeah... shark bite.
Tracy Faucet : Shark bite?
Nick Schaffer : Yeah.
Tracy Faucet : And they took her to Silver City?
Nick Schaffer : Yeah, they have a really good shark attack unit there.

My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.

Nick Schaffer : I think we just killed him!
Tracy Faucet : You can't kill him, he's like a cockroach!

Nick Schaffer : What's this $110?
Hotel Clerk : Those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer : No, I didn't watch any movies.
Hotel Clerk : Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer : Afro Whores?
Hotel Clerk : You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.
Nick Schaffer : No, no, no...
Hotel Clerk : Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer : I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk : This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer : It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk : Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it?
Nick Schaffer : None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk : Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... "
Nick Schaffer : I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it!
Nick Schaffer : I didn't.