I know you're close to these people, but this pisses me off, Mr. Kowalski.
Get me another beer, Dragon Lady! This one's running on empty.
Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone.
I think you're an overeducated 27-year-old virgin who likes to hold the hands of superstitious old ladies and promise them everlasting life.