Homer Simpson: And did you know that baby Jesus grew up to be... Jesus?Homer Simpson: Yeah. Weird, isn't it?
Read more Homer Simpson QuotesFrom: The Simpsons
Lisa Simpson: Dad, you were supposed to read me a bedtime story.Homer Simpson: Oh, sorry sweetie. Bart can read it to you.Bart Simpson: Read to Lisa? Why don't you just ask me to kiss her?Marge Simpson: If you kissed her, that would be lovely.Bart Simpson: I'll read! I'll read!Homer Simpson: And kiss!Lisa Simpson: Does anyone want my opinion?Homer Simpson: Please, Lisa, I had eighteen martinis today.
What to do now? Too crazy to go outside; not crazy enough to have imaginary friends.
Homer Simpson: You can't enjoy money when you're dead, so why not have fun now?Marge Simpson: Don't you think you've had enough fun? Last year you spent five thousand dollars on donuts, two thousand on scalp massages, five hundred on body glitter.Homer Simpson: Hey, I earned that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump.Marge Simpson: Oh, please! From what I hear, you waltz in there at ten thirty, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around Googling your own name until lunch.Homer Simpson: Who told you that?Marge Simpson: You shouted it while we were making love!