It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes

Dennis Reynolds: How are we doing over here?
Dee Reynolds: Uh... Not well. This is ridiculous. People are definitely starting to notice.
Dennis Reynolds: Of course they're starting to notice. There's a grown man crammed inside of a couch for Christ's sake. They're going to notice. So let's just talk to somebody. Can you grab that guy?
Dee Reynolds: [to two office workers] Hey you two!
Dennis Reynolds: Heyyyyy! So how we doing at the Christmas party? We having a good time?
Woman Office Worker: Yes, great time.
Dee Reynolds: Great! So, uh... Frank Reynolds?
Dennis Reynolds: Oh yeah, we were just talking about him. He's the worst, huh?
Woman Office Worker: Do... Do you work here?
Dennis Reynolds: ...Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. We hop around. Consultationists. So we consult here... we consult across the street too...
Man Office Worker: Is there a man in that couch?
Dennis Reynolds: Ha ha! What are you saying? A man in a couch? That's absurd!
Man Office Worker: No, I believe there's a man in that couch right there!
Dennis Reynolds: There is no man! There's no man! Say something things about Frank Reynolds, say them loud, and make sure they're horrible horrible things, then we'll deal with the man in the couch!
Man Office Worker: Okay, so there is a man in the couch!
Dee Reynolds: All right, just call Frank Reynolds an asshole!
Man Office Worker: Who is Frank Reynolds?
Dennis Reynolds: He's the man in the couch!
Woman Office Worker: Oh, my God! What are you people doing?
Dennis Reynolds: Would you just say something about Frank that's horrible? Call him an asshole!
Woman Office Worker: Frank Reynolds is an asshole!

Dennis Reynolds

Mac: Hi, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. I like to recommend to our first timers our signature cocktail, Caribbean Paradise. Some people say it's better than busting a nut.
Customer: Excuse me?
Mac: Busting a nut. It's like, uh, you know, blowing your load.
Dennis Reynolds: Oh...
Mac: He said it was a funny joke.
Dennis Reynolds: Well, no... hold on.
Mac: Yeah, it's like coming all over you. It's light, it's playful.
Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, well, no, I think what my friend is trying to refer to is an orgasm, which is light and playful, but he overstepped himself and got a little bit too specific.
Mac: Sorry, we jizz in the drink and that's what makes it light.
Dennis Reynolds: No, no, nobody's jizzing on anything.
Mac: Well, where do I jizz?
Dennis Reynolds: You don't jizz.
Mac: How can, how can I orgasm if I don't jizz?
Dennis Reynolds: No, ma'am, I think what...
Mac: Just tell me where I jizz so I can give this lady her drink.
Dennis Reynolds: Ma'am, what would you like to drink? And we won't jizz on anything.
Dee Reynolds: Not like Mac's ever had an orgasm.
Dennis Reynolds: Holy shit, you're late.

Mac, Dennis Reynolds

Charlie Kelly: Why is the witch-slave shooting at you anyways?
Frank Reynolds: Maybe she used her sorcery.
Dee Reynolds: Sorcery? Your dumb-dick partner walked into the bar and said he'd stolen a bunch of guns and asked if I wanted to shoot a pumpkin off his head. And of course I did, so here we are.
Frank Reynolds: Damn your necromancy, woman!

Charlie Kelly, Dee Reynolds