House M.D. quotes

I need to turn Wilson from a terminal idiot to an interminable pain in the ass.

Dr. Gregory House

Dr. Robert Chase: This is pathetic. If I strap a bomb to my chest, do I get seven doctors attending to me?
Dr. Gregory House: Dr. Robert Chase. On the off-chance you have some brilliant escape plan and are the vengeful type.
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you think he's the only guy in New Jersey with an unsolved illness and a pistol? I'm not playing this game.

Dr. Robert Chase, Dr. Gregory House

Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. Problem is Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
Dr. James Wilson: And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy cares about her, which means when Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. Then, as a boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.
Dr. James Wilson: Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
Dr. Gregory House: "Play date" being their code for "way to weed out the paste sandwiches." They'll hand her puzzles and counting games and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces.
Dr. James Wilson: Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker.
Dr. Gregory House: Thanks for the advice.

Dr. James Wilson, Dr. Gregory House