Older Ted: It got so bad Barney even tried being his own wing man.Barney: Hi. Have you met me?
Ted: Are you a vampire?Carl: That's it, I'm cutting you off. Go home, Ted. Get some sleep.Ted: Yep, the sun's comin' up pretty soon. Wouldn't wanna be around for that, now would we?
Lily, I love you. But asking someone to come see your play is like asking for a ride to the airport, or to crash on someone's couch or to help you move. Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers and repeat after me, friends don't let friends come see their crappy play!
Ted Mosby: So, Karen in New York. Weird, right?Lily Aldrin: Ted, you can not get back together with Karen.Ted Mosby: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?Marshall Eriksen: No. No, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Ted calls Karen. Number five: Lily gets eaten by a shark.Lily Aldrin: I'm Lily, and I approve the order of that list.