Miranda Hobbes Quotes

All we talk about anymore is Big, or balls, or small dicks. How does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts!

"Mr. Broadway has to tinkle"? That must be the gayest sentence ever uttered.

No, I told you, no white, no ivory, nothing that says virginal. I have a child. The jig is up.

I know, I can't move to Brooklyn, even cabs won't go there!

Miranda Hobbes: If he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less? That's the issue.
Taxi Driver: No smoking in the cab.
Carrie: Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.
Samantha Jones: Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.
Miranda Hobbes: Can I quote you?
Samantha Jones: Don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
Charlotte: I'm not a hole.
Carrie: Honey, we know.

Miranda Hobbes: If he so much as suggests what she's suggesting, you give me a call and we'll sue the hell out of him. That's the only proper way to trade sex for power.
Samantha: I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're like the Harvard Law Lorena Bobbitt.
Miranda Hobbes: Ah, it's Skipper, I told him I was here and he insisted on picking me up. But he's not supposed to be here 'till eleven!
Carrie: Oh! He's like a sweet little seal pup.
Miranda Hobbes: That you sometimes want to club.

Shrink: So you're saying you are sexually attracted to your girlfriends?
Miranda: No, but if your friends won't fuck you, who will?

Miranda Hobbes: You haven't met the Rabbit.
Samantha Jones: Oh, come on. If you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called the Horse.

You got what I want? You got what I need? What I WANT... is to GET LAID. What I NEED... is to GET LAID. I NEED to GET LAID.

Carrie: Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism.
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.

Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.

Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

Oh, I forgot to tell you - I'm a fire hydrant!

Miranda: WHY didn't I use a condom?
Carrie: You didn't use a condom?
Miranda: He has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary! In what twisted world does that create a baby? It's like the Special Olympics of conception!

Jerk One: Hey red, move your fat ass!
Carrie: What did you just say to her?
Samantha: Who the hell do you think you are?
Jerk Two: Get in the game or get out!
Miranda: Guys, let's just go. It's okay.
Carrie: No, it is most certainly *not* okay!
Charlotte: Listen, you big jerk, her "ass" isn't normally this big!
Miranda: Yes... thank you, I almost forgot! My ass is fat because I just had a baby, you asshole!
Samantha: What's your excuse?
Carrie: Yeah, ya havin' triplets?