Sex and the City Quotes

Miranda's dating an over-eater, and he over-ate her.

Carrie, I love you. But it is not my job to fix your finances. You are a thire-five-year-old woman. You have to learn how to stand on your own.

The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

I've been out with lots of guys and they say I am just as beautiful as a model, but I work for a living. I mean, I'm like, well... I'm like a model who's taken the high road.

Samantha Jones: I haven't used it since Smith came back.
Jerry "Smith" Jerrod: Oh, baby that's sweet.

I know, I can't move to Brooklyn, even cabs won't go there!

No, I told you, no white, no ivory, nothing that says virginal. I have a child. The jig is up.

I'm having a Jewish wedding and I look like Hitler!

"Mr. Broadway has to tinkle"? That must be the gayest sentence ever uttered.

Charlotte: The thing is... there are some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'
Carrie: I'm lonely. I am. The loneliness is palpable.

You and I are so over we need a new word for it.

Hello, 911. I'm on fire.

Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.

Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.

It was all very familiar. She was having a dejà-fuck.

Carrie Bradshaw: I didn't understand. Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached? And if I was really having sex like a man, why didn't I feel more in control?
Samantha Jones: You see that guy? He's the next Donald Trump. Except he's younger and much better looking.

All we talk about anymore is Big, or balls, or small dicks. How does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts!

The thing is, I was dying to sleep with him, but isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?

Charlotte York: I feel like we don't belong here!
Carrie Bradshaw: That's because we're wearing shirts!
Miranda Hobbes: Seriously, why don't straight men have bodies like this?
Carrie Bradshaw: Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym! If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too!
Samantha Jones: I've had sex at the gym!
Carrie Bradshaw: See, Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!

Jerk One: Hey red, move your fat ass!
Carrie: What did you just say to her?
Samantha: Who the hell do you think you are?
Jerk Two: Get in the game or get out!
Miranda: Guys, let's just go. It's okay.
Carrie: No, it is most certainly *not* okay!
Charlotte: Listen, you big jerk, her "ass" isn't normally this big!
Miranda: Yes... thank you, I almost forgot! My ass is fat because I just had a baby, you asshole!
Samantha: What's your excuse?
Carrie: Yeah, ya havin' triplets?

To single women everywhere, and one in particular... my good friend Charlotte, the eternal optimist, who always believes in love.

Charlotte: Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life.
Carrie: Everyone who? Where'd you get that?
Charlotte: I read it in a magazine.
Miranda: What magazine, "Convenient Theories for You Monthly"?

It's good to know that the ones you love will always be in your heart. And if you're very lucky, only a plane ride away.

Carrie: Hey, you think it could really be as simple as my father walked out, therefore I'll always be messed up about men?
Miranda: My father came home every night at seven on the dot and I have no clue about men either.

Miranda Hobbes: You haven't met the Rabbit.
Samantha Jones: Oh, come on. If you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called the Horse.

Samantha: I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.
Carrie: Now it's airborne.

The Island Of Manhattan is a cosy village populated by more than seven million fascinating individuals who all behave like they own the sidewalk. But lately it seemed as if the entire city had been magically reduced to only two people... us. Four-hour conversations flew by in the space of fifteen minutes, and a few days apart felt like weeks. I realised that Einstein's law of relativity would have to be amended to include a special set of rules, those to explain the peculiar effects of infatuation.

You can stay here with your boxes of shit and your shoe-eating dog, and knock yourself out putting on the rogaine and the speedstick!

Miranda: WHY didn't I use a condom?
Carrie: You didn't use a condom?
Miranda: He has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary! In what twisted world does that create a baby? It's like the Special Olympics of conception!

I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.

Hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan.

They were supposed to say, "I'm sorry for your loss," not "You're dead, let's disco..."

Shrink: So you're saying you are sexually attracted to your girlfriends?
Miranda: No, but if your friends won't fuck you, who will?

Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?

That one actually works against you. If we wanted to work that hard we'd find ourselves a man, am I right?

I'm gonna get laid! I'M GONNA GET LAID!

I like my money where I can see it - hanging in my closet.

You've traded Steve-o for TiVo

Mr. Big: How are things with that guy, Hot Dog?
Carrie: Berger.

Miranda Hobbes: If he so much as suggests what she's suggesting, you give me a call and we'll sue the hell out of him. That's the only proper way to trade sex for power.
Samantha: I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're like the Harvard Law Lorena Bobbitt.
Miranda Hobbes: Ah, it's Skipper, I told him I was here and he insisted on picking me up. But he's not supposed to be here 'till eleven!
Carrie: Oh! He's like a sweet little seal pup.
Miranda Hobbes: That you sometimes want to club.

Carrie: You know what the craziest thing is? I actually thought after everything I've been through, I might end up with my high school boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think my story's gonna get tied up like that.
Stanford: Your boyfriend might get tied up.
Carrie: ...and taken away! Okay, no more jokes. I might be dating him in eight to ten months.

I was told there'd be no clowns - nothing scarier than a clown.

Miranda Hobbes: If he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less? That's the issue.
Taxi Driver: No smoking in the cab.
Carrie: Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.
Samantha Jones: Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.
Miranda Hobbes: Can I quote you?
Samantha Jones: Don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
Charlotte: I'm not a hole.
Carrie: Honey, we know.

Charlotte York: I hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a...
Carrie Bradshaw: Loser?
Miranda Hobbes: Leper.
Samantha Jones: Whore.

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'.

Carrie Bradshaw: I have a huge favor to ask: I want you to know my friends better.
Mr. Big: I know your friends just fine. Charlotte is the brunette, Miranda is the redhead, and Samantha is trouble.

Mr. Big: Listen. I know what you're really pissed off about. But it's just something I've gotta do in my own time! Okay? Well, I fucking love you! All right? You know I do.... It's just a tough thing for me to say, because it always seems to get me in trouble ... when I say it. Okay?
Carrie Bradshaw: Okay.

That was the day I came face to face with my freak: The frightening woman whose fear ate her sanity.

Did I really love Big, or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable.

Samantha: If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world.
Carrie: And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and everything.

Samantha Jones: I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much of a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all coca-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.
Carrie: Kool-Aid?
Samantha Jones: Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.

Of course it's her fault and I can't say I'm surprised. Have you seen her on a stairmaster? Nothing happening below the waist.

And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

Hello, 911. I'm on fire.

Charlotte York: Is he a good kisser?
Samantha Jones: Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin.

She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.

Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.

Allow me to get right to the point. After careful consideration, I have decided that this is the year I am getting married.

Aidan, you can't keep punishing me, and I can't keep punishing me. I made a mistake and I am sorry, and I know that you can't forget what happened, but I hope that you can forgive me. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me, Aidan. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me.

You got what I want? You got what I need? What I WANT... is to GET LAID. What I NEED... is to GET LAID. I NEED to GET LAID.

I have a date with a dildo.

One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.

Carrie: Wait, Wade, Wait... The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know
Carrie: ...that we were smoking the POT.

That night, Trey successfully screwed his wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the wind died.

Charlotte: She stole my baby name!
Samantha: You bitch! Let's go home.

Mr. Big: Stay.
Carrie: I can't.
Mr. Big: Why not?
Carrie: Because, dear friend, you and I are like that red wall. It's a good idea in theory, but somehow it doesn't quite work.

Mr. Big: Stay.
Carrie: I can't.
Mr. Big: Why not?
Carrie: Because, dear friend, you and I are like that red wall. It's a good idea in theory, but somehow it doesn't quite work.

Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

I've done the girl thing - once, twice, usually involved a guy and a couple of quaaludes. It was nice really, and really nice for the guy.

Oh, I forgot to tell you - I'm a fire hydrant!

It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!

Carrie: Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism.
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.