How I Met Your Mother quotes

Barney Stinson: Now, come one, pa-cow, you're the most awesome person I have ever known, well, the second most awesome.
Robin Scherbatsky: Right, of course, the first being you.
Barney Stinson: No, no, the first is this guy who lives in a place called the mirror, what-up.

Barney Stinson

Marshall Eriksen: I'll give my dad a call after Dr. Stengal gives me the thumbs up.
Ted Mosby: Ew! He has to do that?

Ted Mosby

Ted Mosby: Hey, Barney. I got a little poem for you. You want to hear it?
Barney Stinson: No, not really.
Ted Mosby: T'was the night before, I had hours to kill. I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill.
Barney Stinson: With quill?
Ted Mosby: Barney. It's a poem.
Ted Mosby: A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin.Her garb said "classy," but her eyes whispered "sin." She said, "you're a teacher?" I said, "yes, indeed." "I must have you," she moaned. "I'm turned on by tweed." With haste we did scamper To my chamber anon. We fell to the couch, and, bro, it was on. I unlaced her bodice. Our passions grew deeper. And thus ends the tale of the sexless innkeeper.

Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson