How I Met Your Mother quotes

Ted Mosby: As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.
Barney Stinson: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.
Ted Mosby: Hmm.
Barney Stinson: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon... , like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.
Lily Aldrin: He's gonna say it.
Ted Mosby: A butterfly?
Ted Mosby: What?
Barney Stinson: Nothing, buddy.
Ted Mosby: Ow! Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God!
Ted Mosby: I have a tattoo!
Barney Stinson: Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.

Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson

Heidi Klum: Is he alright?
Ted Mosby: He has the yips. Hasn't been able to score with a woman for days.
Heidi Klum: Oh, the yips. In Germany, we call that "Ach du meine Güte, nichts klappt mehr, überhaupt gar nichts mehr, so 'ne Scheiße!" That is bad.

Ted Mosby

When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story

Barney Stinson