How I Met Your Mother quotes

Ellen Pierce: You give me 3 days and I will find the woman you will marry.
Ted: No, thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York, you know. Plenty of fish in the sea!
Ellen Pierce: Plenty of fish in the sea!
Ellen Pierce: There's 9 million people in New York. 4.5 million women. Of course, you want to meet someone roughly your own age - let's say plus, minus 5 years. So if you take into account the most recent census data that leaves us with 482,000 women. But wait! 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility. And then you have to take out the ex girlfriends and the relatives. And, oh, you can't forget those lesbians. And then that leaves us with 8 women.
Ted: That can't be right! Eight? Really? Eight?
Ellen Pierce: There are 8 fish in that big blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.
Ted: ...Do you take credit cards?

Ted Mosby

You're moving to Chicago? Is that even a real place? It's a style of pizza. Ted, you can't live in a pizza.

Barney Stinson

Hey kid, you know how your mom won't let you have ice-cream until after dinner? But then the waiting kind of makes it taste better? I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream and tonight I'm gonna have sex with it.

Barney Stinson