Joe Quotes

Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!
Joe: What happened?
Jerry: I'm engaged.
Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Jerry: I am!

Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.
Jerry: We could pass for that.
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.
Jerry: We could dye our hair.
Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.
Jerry: We could...
Joe: No, we couldn't!

Joe: Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy.
Joe: That's the boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
Joe: What engagement present?
Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.
Joe: Hey, these are real diamonds!
Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

Joe: But, you're not a girl! You're a guy, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
Jerry: Security!

Joe - 'Josephine': Daphne?
Daphne: Well, I never did like the name Geraldine.

Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!
Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.

Joe: There's another problem.
Jerry: Like what?
Joe: Like, what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?
Jerry: We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I kinda lean towards Niagara Falls.

Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
Jerry: Joe...?
Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

He has an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.

What are you afraid of? No-one's asking you to have a baby!

The ship is in ship-shape shape.

I feel a funny sensation in my toes. Like someone is barbecuing them over a fire.

So you got pinched in the elevator, so what? Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?

None of that, Sugar. No guy is worth it.