Jerry Quotes

Thirteen girls in a berth is an unlucky number - 12 of you will have to get out!

Osgood: You must be quite a girl.
Daphne: Wanna bet?
Osgood: Right now, she thinks I'm out there on my yacht - deep sea fishing!
Daphne: Well, pull in your reel, Mr. Fielding, you're barking up the wrong fish!

What are you afraid of? No-one's asking you to have a baby!

We're up the creek and you want to hock the paddle!

What are you trying to do to that poor girl, putting on a millionaire act? And, where did you get that phony accent? Nobody "talks loike thet"!

Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!

None of that, Sugar. No guy is worth it.

So you got pinched in the elevator, so what? Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?

I feel a funny sensation in my toes. Like someone is barbecuing them over a fire.

The ship is in ship-shape shape.

Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!
Joe: What happened?
Jerry: I'm engaged.
Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Jerry: I am!

He has an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.

Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
Jerry: Joe...?
Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

Joe: There's another problem.
Jerry: Like what?
Joe: Like, what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?
Jerry: We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I kinda lean towards Niagara Falls.

Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!
Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.

Joe - 'Josephine': Daphne?
Daphne: Well, I never did like the name Geraldine.

Joe: But, you're not a girl! You're a guy, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
Jerry: Security!

Joe: Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy.
Joe: That's the boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
Joe: What engagement present?
Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.
Joe: Hey, these are real diamonds!
Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.
Jerry: We could pass for that.
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.
Jerry: We could dye our hair.
Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.
Jerry: We could...
Joe: No, we couldn't!