Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to play Ping-Pong?
Read more Jerry Seinfeld QuotesFrom: Seinfeld
There's this whole talking-during-sex business. I mean, what are we doing here? The question is, does the talking really improve the sex, or is the sex act now just there to spice up the conversation? Of course, eventually, I'm sure people will get tired of, too lazy, even, for phone sex. They'll start having phone machine sex. "Yeah, I want you really bad. Just leave it on the tape." Then I guess the phone company will come out with sex waiting. That'll be the new thing. "Uh, yeah, hold on, honey. I got another call. Oh, hiya, baby. One second. Uh, honey, I've got to take this. Yeah, I've got sex waiting on the other line. I've got to take this."
George Costanza: To think I'd fail at failing.Jerry Seinfeld: Oh come on.George Costanza: I can't do anything wrong.Jerry Seinfeld: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.George Costanza: You think so?Jerry Seinfeld: Absolutely. I have no confidence in you.George Costanza: Well, I guess I'll have to pick myself up, dust myself up, and throw myself right back down again!Jerry Seinfeld: That's the spirit! You suck.George Costanza: I know.
Went out to dinner the other night. Check came at the end of the meal, as it always does. Never liked the "check at the end of the meal" system, because money's a very different thing before and after you eat. Before you eat, money has no value. You don't care about money when you're hungry. You sit down in a restaurant and you're like the ruler of an empire... "More drinks! Appetizers! Quickly, quickly! It will be the greatest meal of our lives." Then after the meal, you know, you got the pants open, you got the napkins destroyed, cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes. Then the check comes at that moment. People are always upset, you know. They're mystified by the check. They're... "What is this? How could this be?" They start passing it around the table. "Does this look right to you? We're not hungry now. Why are we buying all this food?"