You're moving to Chicago? Is that even a real place? It's a style of pizza. Ted, you can't live in a pizza.
Read more Barney Stinson QuotesFrom: How I Met Your Mother
Robin Scherbatsky: You stole the blue French horn for me.Ted: I would have stolen you a whole orchestra.
Ted Mosby: As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.Barney Stinson: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.Ted Mosby: Hmm.Barney Stinson: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon... , like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.Lily Aldrin: He's gonna say it.Ted Mosby: A butterfly?Ted Mosby: What?Barney Stinson: Nothing, buddy.Ted Mosby: Ow! Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God!Ted Mosby: I have a tattoo!Barney Stinson: Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
Ellen Pierce: You give me 3 days and I will find the woman you will marry.Ted: No, thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York, you know. Plenty of fish in the sea!Ellen Pierce: Plenty of fish in the sea!Ellen Pierce: There's 9 million people in New York. 4.5 million women. Of course, you want to meet someone roughly your own age - let's say plus, minus 5 years. So if you take into account the most recent census data that leaves us with 482,000 women. But wait! 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility. And then you have to take out the ex girlfriends and the relatives. And, oh, you can't forget those lesbians. And then that leaves us with 8 women.Ted: That can't be right! Eight? Really? Eight?Ellen Pierce: There are 8 fish in that big blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.Ted: ...Do you take credit cards?