Zoolander Quotes

Best Zoolander Movie Quotes

Zoolander

Zoolander  image

Directed by: Ben Stiller
Written by: Drake Sather, Ben Stiller
Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Christine Taylor
Released on: September 28, 2001
Taglines: 3% Body Fat. 1% Brain Activity.

Zoolander Quotes

You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't. image

You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't.

 By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale! image

By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!

It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection from J. C. Penney. On sale! image

It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection from J. C. Penney. On sale!

Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco? image

Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda? image

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?

Hansel... so hot right now... Hansel. image

Hansel... so hot right now... Hansel.

Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude! image

Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

 I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is. image

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

I'm not an ambi-turner. image

I'm not an ambi-turner.

You is talking loco and I like it! image

You is talking loco and I like it!

 Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte? image

Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?

You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything. image

You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything.

Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on shit!

What's the dealio, yo?

Whatever dude... whatever. Peace. God Bless.

I friggin' worship you, man.

Deal with that!

I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.

He had to pull his underwear out of his butt to beat you!

It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!

Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!

Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!
Mugatu: Die, you wage-hiking scum!

Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus and I'm here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!

Obey my dog!

Do as you are trained... AND KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER!

They're break-dance fighting.

As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte!

Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.

How bout I answer your question with another question; how many abo-digitals do you see modelling?

So join now, 'cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?

How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.

Hansel: Excuse me, bra.
Derek Zoolander: You're excused, and I'm not your bra!

Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
Matilda: Done it in a while, yeh.
Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?

Hansel: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.

Derek Zoolander: Fine.
Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Hansel: Well, you go first.

Derek Zoolander: Who am I?
Derek's Reflection: I don't know.
Derek Zoolander: I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.
Hansel: The results are in, amigo! What's left to ponder?
Hansel: Nice comeback!

Derek Zoolander: What say we settle this on the runway... Han-Solo?
Hansel: Are you challenging me to a walk-off... Boo-Lander?

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
Matilda: It's where you throw up after every meal!
Derek Zoolander: Matilda! Matilda! SO WHAT? I've thrown up after lots of meals!
Hansel: Yeah! It's a great way to lose pounds before a show!

I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

They're in the computer?

Taste my pain, bitch!

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