How I Met Your Mother quotes

Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing here, vibrating jello pit right there, rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here... don't ask you're not ready.

Barney Stinson

Heidi Klum: Is he alright?
Ted Mosby: He has the yips. Hasn't been able to score with a woman for days.
Heidi Klum: Oh, the yips. In Germany, we call that "Ach du meine Güte, nichts klappt mehr, überhaupt gar nichts mehr, so 'ne Scheiße!" That is bad.

Ted Mosby

Ted Mosby: Even when you were a kid you hated kids.
Four-Year-Old Katie: Robin, will you watch cartoons with me?
11-Year-Old Robin: I spend all week at school. Can't I just have some time alone to read my Highlights and drink my juice?

Ted Mosby