How I Met Your Mother quotes

Barney Stinson: If you did all the things on this list, I would call that a fun weekend.
Ted Mosby: Are you kidding? If you did all the things on the list, you'd be dead. That's not a chall...
Barney Stinson: Challenge accepted! For the next 24 hours, I will do everything on this list. If I do, Ted will come with me and TP the laser tag.
Ted Mosby: And if you can't?
Barney Stinson: I will listen to you talk about architecture for three hours.
Ted Mosby: Agreed. Robin, will you do the honors?
Robin Scherbatsky: Gentlemen's agreement!
Barney Stinson: Okay, chumps, let's do this. Barneeey ah-Stinsonnn!

Barney Stinson, Ted Mosby

Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing here, vibrating jello pit right there, rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here... don't ask you're not ready.

Barney Stinson

Ted Mosby: When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time, what is the one thing Lily always does?
Marshall Eriksen: Cry?
Barney Stinson: Masturbate?
William Zabka: Karate?
The Captain: Go sailing?

Ted Mosby