How I Met Your Mother quotes

Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing here, vibrating jello pit right there, rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here... don't ask you're not ready.

Barney Stinson

You're moving to Chicago? Is that even a real place? It's a style of pizza. Ted, you can't live in a pizza.

Barney Stinson

Ted Mosby: When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time, what is the one thing Lily always does?
Marshall Eriksen: Cry?
Barney Stinson: Masturbate?
William Zabka: Karate?
The Captain: Go sailing?

Ted Mosby