How I Met Your Mother quotes

Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you. Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Do you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and I'm gonna get some more cake.
Ted: That cake really got to you?
Marshall: It haunts me.

Ted Mosby, Marshall Eriksen

Lily, I love you. But asking someone to come see your play is like asking for a ride to the airport, or to crash on someone's couch or to help you move. Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers and repeat after me, friends don't let friends come see their crappy play!

Barney Stinson

Ted Mosby: As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.
Barney Stinson: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.
Ted Mosby: Hmm.
Barney Stinson: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon... , like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.
Lily Aldrin: He's gonna say it.
Ted Mosby: A butterfly?
Ted Mosby: What?
Barney Stinson: Nothing, buddy.
Ted Mosby: Ow! Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God!
Ted Mosby: I have a tattoo!
Barney Stinson: Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.

Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson