You're moving to Chicago? Is that even a real place? It's a style of pizza. Ted, you can't live in a pizza.
Read more Barney Stinson QuotesFrom: How I Met Your Mother
Ted, you violated a dead turkey with another dead turkey! Don't let that be in vain.
Ted Mosby: I used to believe in destiny, you know? I go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week, and I think: "Wow... Hey, maybe she's the one?" Now I think: "I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole wheat everything bagel."Robin Scherbatsky: You've just been focused on work.Ted Mosby: No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks. What do I about that, Scherbatsky?Robin Scherbatsky: You're Ted Mosby. You start believing again.Ted Mosby: In what? Destiny?Robin Scherbatsky: Chemistry. You got chemistry, you only need one other thing.Ted Mosby: What's that?Robin Scherbatsky: Timing. But timing's a bitch.
Barney Stinson: One time I met a girl... at this very bar...Barney Stinson: I saw that she had the crazy eyes... but I ignored it. And then, sure enough...Lauren: Barney, can I ask you a question?Barney Stinson: Anything.Lauren: Would you like to have a three-some?Barney Stinson: Of course...Lauren: Great! It would be me, you and Mr Weasels!Ted Mosby: So, did you do it ?Barney Stinson: No. It ended up being just the two-some. With the third one watching from a chair.Ted Mosby: Which one were you ?Barney Stinson: I'd rather not say.