Elaine: So... Whatley's still Jewish, huh?Jerry: Oh, sure. With out the parents, it's a breeze.
Read more Jerry Seinfeld QuotesFrom: Seinfeld
Elaine: Here's one. I borrowed Puddy's car and all the presets on his radio were Christian rock stations.George Costanza: I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.Elaine: So you think that Puddy actually believes in something?Jerry: It's a used car, he probably never changed the presets.Elaine: Yes, he is lazy.Jerry: Plus, he probably doesn't know how to program the buttons.Elaine: Yes, he is dumb.Jerry: So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?Elaine: Dumb and lazy, I understand.
The bus is the single stupidest, fattest, slowest, most despised vehicle on the road, isn't it? Have you ever noticed, when you get behind the bus, people in your car go, "What are you doing? Get away! Come on!" The back of the bus, it's like an eclipse, isn't it? People are just like, "The sun. Where is the sun?" It's like this huge metal ass just taking up the whole windshield of your car. When it pulls out, it even sounds like a fat uncle trying to get out of a sofa.
I really feel, as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills, conversational distance. Don't you hate these people that talk to you, they talk into your mouth, like you're a clown at a drive-thru? And handshakes is the worst. There's absolutely no guidelines for handshakes. You know how many people?.. Too strong, too weak. Sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake, just the fingers. Early release, late release. Sometimes people will dispute your release. You've let go. They're hanging on. I have actually said to people, "Hey, the handshake is over." Too many pumps, coming in too high. Too sweaty. From too far away. Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too-close conversation. To him I say, "That's three strikes. You're out."