Jerry: I'll tell you, the sex - I was like an animal. I mean, it was just completely uninhibited.George Costanza: It's like going to the bathroom in front of a lot of people and not caring.Jerry: It's not like that at all.
The bus is the single stupidest, fattest, slowest, most despised vehicle on the road, isn't it? Have you ever noticed, when you get behind the bus, people in your car go, "What are you doing? Get away! Come on!" The back of the bus, it's like an eclipse, isn't it? People are just like, "The sun. Where is the sun?" It's like this huge metal ass just taking up the whole windshield of your car. When it pulls out, it even sounds like a fat uncle trying to get out of a sofa.
Went out to dinner the other night. Check came at the end of the meal, as it always does. Never liked the "check at the end of the meal" system, because money's a very different thing before and after you eat. Before you eat, money has no value. You don't care about money when you're hungry. You sit down in a restaurant and you're like the ruler of an empire... "More drinks! Appetizers! Quickly, quickly! It will be the greatest meal of our lives." Then after the meal, you know, you got the pants open, you got the napkins destroyed, cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes. Then the check comes at that moment. People are always upset, you know. They're mystified by the check. They're... "What is this? How could this be?" They start passing it around the table. "Does this look right to you? We're not hungry now. Why are we buying all this food?"
Jerry Seinfeld: Don't you see? You're just avoiding the middle man. You were gonna give her her spare keys, and she was gonna give 'em to me. So, all that's happening is that instead of giving them to her, you're giving them to me. It's just unfortunate that when she gave you yours, you didn't give her hers. 'Cause then she would have given 'em to me, because she has mine. So then I would have never had to ask you for hers, so that I could get mine.George Costanza: You're right, how did I miss that?