Blair Waldorf Quotes

Notice how my voice didn't go up at the end? It wasn't a question.

Hold that non-thought.

Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. Lucky for me, I may have to go out tonight after all.

Yours is not to wonder why, yours is to do or die!

I have an itch only Chuck can scratch.

Oh, please! Stop your mouth from moving!

I simply cannot let Chuck chucking with my head.

Chuck Bass: My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most I was. I couldn't be there when he, uh... I left right away. I've been pushing myself to prove him wrong, and pushing you away.
Blair Waldorf: I don't think you ran away because you couldn't handle death. I think it's because you couldn't handle feelings. You're not like that anymore. You're strong. You carry people. You carry me. You're becoming a man in a way that your father never was.

Chuck Bass: [to Blair] I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you, and it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide.
Blair Waldorf: What?
Chuck Bass: We're never going to be safe. So are you brave enough or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building.
Blair Waldorf: You can't Affair to Remember me.
Chuck Bass: If you're not there tomorrow, at 7:01, I'm closing my heart to you forever.
Blair Waldorf: Well, I won't be there.

Blair Waldorf: The two of you here together? Please tell me there's an explanation that doesn't involve the apocalypse.
Chuck Bass: We come in peace and with a purpose.

Chuck Bass: I haven't read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair Waldorf: I knew it. I knew you'd fatwa'd me.
Chuck Bass: And I knew you couldn't break it.
Blair Waldorf: You're wrong. I could have.
Chuck Bass: Then why didn't you?
Blair Waldorf: Because... I suddenly realized it. The way to get over you, isn't by hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday, and when I do, it'll be for me. Good-bye, Chuck.

Blair Waldorf: Did you send the invitations by carrier pigeon? I-is the elevator broken? A meteor headed for earth?
Blair Waldorf: You were against this from the start. What did you do?

Blair Waldorf: Everything you said last night was true. We do belong together. We're both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we're incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck Bass: Blair, I don't want this to be you settling some sort of consolation.
Blair Waldorf: We've both hit rock bottom, Chuck, but we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell.

Nate Archibald: And whatever he did, I'm sure you can find a suitable punishment for him.
Blair Waldorf: There is no punishment for what he did.
Nate Archibald: You're Blair Waldorf. Punishment is your middle name.

Dan Humphrey: Blair... Say life is giving you signs, and you're ignoring them because you're afraid of the thing they're signaling you to do. But-but then-but then you think, what if these signs are here for a reason and-and ignoring them just makes me a coward?
Blair Waldorf: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious, and the lower class. I don't believe in them and neither should you.

You're strong. You carry people. You carry me.

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don't care about Constance, or social hierarchy. They don't care that I'm Blair Waldorf! It's over.
Chuck Bass: How can you do this to me?
Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that?
Blair Waldorf: That's not how it is.
Chuck Bass: It's exactly how it is. The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you.

Show him respect? He's a club owner, not a mafia don.

Georgina Sparks: My parents said it was either Bible camp or college, so... go Bobcats!
Blair Waldorf: So you're not in love with Jesus anymore.
Georgina Sparks: I still hold Him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship.
Blair Waldorf: You mean He dumped you because He found out you were Satan.

Georgina Sparks: My parents said it was either Bible camp or college, so... go Bobcats!
Blair Waldorf: So you're not in love with Jesus anymore.
Georgina Sparks: I still hold Him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship.
Blair Waldorf: You mean He dumped you because He found out you were Satan.

Blair Waldorf: What if we need games? What if without them we're boring?
Chuck Bass: We could never be boring.
Blair Waldorf: You say that, but I know you. You're Chuck Bass.
Chuck Bass: I'm not Chuck Bass without you.

Gossip Girl can be right about all she wants, but I won't let her be right about me. I will not be weak anymore. You can't run, you have to stay here and hear it this time. Chuck Bass, I love you. I love so much it consumes me. I love you. I know you love me too. Tell me you love me and everything we've done all the gossip and lies and the hurt would have been for something. Tell me it was for something.

Blair Waldorf: I don't think Jesus would approve of that.
Georgina Sparks: Well, you can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.

Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck, what is she doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Are you trying to have me killed? Bass?
Chuck Bass: She's fine!
Nate Archibald: Shh! Shut up!
Blair Waldorf: Oh, my God. I am going to scream at somebody right now.

Georgina Sparks: Look, Blair, everyone else has forgiven me. I'm just waiting on you.
Blair Waldorf: Everyone who? And besides, some things are unforgivable.
Georgina Sparks: God will help me find a way to earn your forgiveness.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, looks like He answers mine first faster than yours.

Dorota Kishlovsky: We go to Dorota's in Queens!
Blair Waldorf: Princesses don't go to Queens.
Dorota Kishlovsky: Need to marry Louis to be princess.

Blair Waldorf: How could you do this to me? Just because I didn't give your geriatric boyfriend a seat doesn't mean you had to tell Sage to sabotage my show.
Serena van der Woodsen: Save it, Blair! You were so upset that I care more about Steven then your show that you had to destroy my relationship.
Blair Waldorf: I didn't tell her to take off her dress in front of all of New York City on that fashion runway. You did.
Serena van der Woodsen: No, I didn't. I would rather avoid the child pornography charges.
Blair Waldorf: Well, if I didn't tell her to take off the dress and you didn't tell her to take off the dress, then who did?
Sage Spence: Nobody. I happened to like the underwear more.

Georgina Sparks: Great news! You'll never guess what I found.
Blair Waldorf: Looks like Nate Archibald to me.

If I was truly powerful, I'd be content without any man at all.

There is nothing I want more than to spend the summer right by your side

Scheming is classic Blair.

Dorota Kishlovsky: You sure you want to read miss Blair? There are some bad things about friends in there.
Blair Waldorf: Don't you know me at all? I love reading bad things about my friends. It's the only thing that makes me feel better about myself.

We tried to create a new world for our relationship to exist but we failed miserably. You don't live in my world and I certainly don't want to live in yours. So what does that leave us?

Dan Humphrey: Well if you came here to tell me what a horrible person I am, you're too late. I already know.
Blair Waldorf: That's not why I came.
Dan Humphrey: You got back together with Chuck?
Blair Waldorf: No.
Dan Humphrey: Are you... moving to a desert island where there are no men at all? You'll be living the rest of your life in peaceful solitude?
Blair Waldorf: No. I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore. I realized it belongs to someone else.
Blair Waldorf: So Dan, are you going to invite me in or what?
Blair Waldorf: What?
Dan Humphrey: You just said my name.
Blair Waldorf: Dan?
Dan Humphrey: You just said it again.
Blair Waldorf: Dan.
Dan Humphrey: Say it again.
Blair Waldorf: Dan.

Blair Waldorf: I wanna apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you.
Blair Waldorf: I also know you wrote those vows.
Dan Humphrey: Well, I... you know, Louis asked me to, I-I just... I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.
Blair Waldorf: Well, you did a great job. It's pretty obvious that you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend, of course.
Dan Humphrey: Yeah. Of course.
Blair Waldorf: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around, or making fun of your hair... Seriously, you should cut it already.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.
Dan Humphrey: No, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?
Blair Waldorf: I know what I have to do. I just need to know that you'll be there for me.
Dan Humphrey: Always.

Dorota Kishlovsky: Miss Blair, I defriend Mr. Chuck in Facebook and in life. But... This is pretty romantic thing he's doing. If not going means never having Chuck in your life again, are you prepared to live like that?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but even if I'm not, if you let me go anywhere near 34th street, there won't be a miracle but a massacre.

Chuck Bass: I'm not here to apologize about what happened tonight.
Blair Waldorf: Then what are you here to apologize for?
Chuck Bass: Everything else... I'm sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you... I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building... I'm sorry for treating you like property... And I'm sorry *sigh* I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did... Most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us, and you never did.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you.
Blair Waldorf: I hope never giving up on people isn't going to be my downfall.
Chuck Bass: That's why you're going to be an amazing mother. You're always there for the people you love, even when they don't deserve it.

Dan Humphrey: Go to your interview, I'll meet you at your apartment, and we'll open it there.
Blair Waldorf: That is much more civilized. Unlike your hair, Humphrey. You look like a muppet.

Blair Waldorf: I don't wanna lose everything.
Dan Humphrey: You'll still have me.
Gossip Girl: Maybe it's not bloodbonds that make us a family. Perhaps it's the people who know our secrets and love us anyway, so we can finally be ourselves. XO, XO, Gossip Girl.

Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
Louis Grimaldi: I see.
Blair Waldorf: Louis...
Chuck Bass: Blair.
Blair Waldorf: No, I need to do this myself. What I need to tell you is...
Chuck Bass: What she's trying to say is you have my blessing. I couldn't be more happy the two of you are getting married.

Dan Humphrey: Now, what's so urgent?
Blair Waldorf: I wanted to tell you... that you were right... about that... thing.
Dan Humphrey: And now, which thing was that?
Blair Waldorf: I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
Dan Humphrey: As a friend and peer, not as an underling.
Blair Waldorf: As my friend and peer, not my underling.

Blair Waldorf: We can't do nothing for three days. Who knows how far Juliet could get in that time?
Dan Humphrey: Yeah. I think we just gotta tell my dad and Lily. What Juliet did with these pills is against the law.
Blair Waldorf: Police and Parents. Of course that's your plan, Humphrey. Or we could sneak in to see Serena.
Blair Waldorf: That receptionist got a pretty good look at me, but maybe with a wig...
Dan Humphrey: That's your plan? Disguises and accents?
Blair Waldorf: I never said anything about accents. Can you do any?

Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they settle for catfish.

Blair Waldorf: When are you gonna get it? For three years, you've tried to worm your way into our world, but you will never be a part of it no matter what you do. This isn't copycat dressing at Constance or dumping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena? That's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love.
Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't trying to, I...
Blair Waldorf: Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa -God knows why-, and chuck loves me. But, you, Jenny? No one loves you, except your daddy. And after what you pulled yesterday, who knows if that's even true anymore?

Chuck Bass: I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Blair Waldorf: It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer.

Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you slept with him?
Blair Waldorf: Shh!
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
Blair Waldorf: What happened to no judging?
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not, but I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I'm the slut?
Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair Waldorf: Well it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. Besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend, right S?
Serena van der Woodsen: Way to prove a point.

Serena van der Woodsen , Blair Waldorf: Hey, what are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Uh... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan.

Lucky for us, mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.

Blair Waldorf: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena van der Woodsen: Because I'm nice. You should try it. Come on, compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful!
Blair Waldorf: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?

Blair Waldorf: You're late.
Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know I had to drop off some books at the library, sorry.
Blair Waldorf: Could you do me a favor?
Jenny Humphrey: Anything.
Blair Waldorf: Move down a couple steps.
Jenny Humphrey: Ya know this whole hazing thing's getting a bit old don't you think be?
Blair Waldorf: First of all the hazing stops when I say it stops and for future reference only my friends call me B.
Jenny Humphrey: You know I'm actually gonna go. I have a lot of stuff to do before class.
Penelope: Jenny...
Blair Waldorf: Please she'll be back.

Nate Archibald: What are you doing here?
Blair Waldorf: Your mom let me in.
Nate Archibald: I didn't ask how you got in, I asked why you came.
Blair Waldorf: To talk, about us.
Nate Archibald: There's no "us", Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Yes there is. We finally really have a chance to start over.
Nate Archibald: You know all this time I felt so bad for everything I've done. And when you said you wanted to leave the past in the past I didn't know we were talking about YOUR past.
Blair Waldorf: You had just broken my hear. I made a decision I was in no condition to make.
Nate Archibald: But your clear-headed now right?
Blair Waldorf: Yes.
Nate Archibald: You understand perfectly when I say I want nothing else to do with you Blair. You and Chuck deserve each other.
Blair Waldorf: You know Chuck would say anything, twist the truth.
Nate Archibald: But Jenny wouldn't.
Blair Waldorf: Jenny?
Nate Archibald: And don't go blaming any of this on her Blair. I would've found out eventually. I said I'm done. It's over. Now would you please leave.
Nate Archibald: Fine, stay as long as you like, I'll leave.

Blair Waldorf: Game over.
Chuck Bass: It's not over until I say it's over.
Blair Waldorf: Well, have fun playing with yourself then.

That key isn't mine. I was just hiding it for someone else... wait. That's why you were suspended? You told the headmistress it was yours because you thought it was mine? That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.

Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, is that what I am to you?
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
Chuck Bass: You looked pretty hot on Prince Theodore's arm today.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, is that what I am to you?
Blair Waldorf: Just an accessory?
Chuck Bass: Next to him yes...
Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.Chuck Bass: On me you'd be so much more.
Blair Waldorf: Yes, but I can't be on you remember? Cause you don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone too.
Blair Waldorf: But you have to learn to behave yourself first.

Blair Waldorf: A girl wants Romeo not Hamlet.
Serena van der Woodsen: Romeo died.

What can I say? He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly, I bring out the best in him.

We ended it. I wanted to tell you but I thought that if part of me said it, it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together and now I think it's really over.

I think we just broke up. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to escape. That's what this place is for, right?

Nate Archibald: Alright Chuck I'll see ya in the a.m.
Blair Waldorf: No, you didn't find me by midnight. No happily ever after for you.
Nate Archibald: Blair, I'm sorry.
Blair Waldorf: All I wanted was for us to start over and you didn't even try.

Chuck Bass: Little Jenny Humphrey manages to get my pants off and have me not enjoy it. Quite the accomplishment.
Blair Waldorf: Good thing someone else at the party was as lecherous as you or you'd still be up on that roof. And, no, I don't wanna know what you had to do to get that tux.

It's a party, Jenny. You either swallow that or swipe your metro card back home.

Blair Waldorf: Serena sent you here to talk to me?
Dan Humphrey: No believe it or not I actually came here myself.
Blair Waldorf: Normally I wouldn't be this close to you without a tetanus shot.

Aww, too bad you missed the assembly. Not that it matters. Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut.

Serena van der Woodsen: Why didn't you send it? I would've...
Blair Waldorf: You would've what? You knew, Serena, and you didn't even call.
Serena van der Woodsen: I didn't know what to say to you or even how to be your friend after what I did. I'm so sorry.

I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.

Nate Archibald: You're really sweet with him.
Blair Waldorf: Me? Sweet? No!
Nate Archibald: But you are. I mean, worrying about him, offering him food, it's downright maternal.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not maternal. I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish.

Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.

Do you want us to wait? It looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.

Jack Bass: Chuck, this letter represents your dad's final words.
Blair Waldorf: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it!
Nate Archibald: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says?
Chuck Bass: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son, I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"

It's so hard finding obedient minions.

Serena van der Woodsen: [reads Gossip Girl on Blair's phone] Nothing yet on Lonely Boy though we did find out he brown-bags it for lunch and today's plat du jour, a tuna sandwich. Disgusting but not enough for a conviction. Keep digging, kiddies.
Blair Waldorf: Tuna fish? Why does he make it so hard for himself?

Blair Waldorf: Chuck, stop. All this doesn't help. It isn't you.
Chuck Bass: Wrong. Bart may have been a bastard, but he saw me better than anyone. Simply living up to my potential. It's time to let go of your fantasies.

You idiot! You don't surprise someone standing off the edge of a building!

Serena van der Woodsen: He was probably thinking about you the whole time he was gone.
Blair Waldorf: Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Bo.

Nate Archibald: You don't even have to stay that long. You should let people shake your hand, say hello, and you're done.
Chuck Bass: You don't have to convince me.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, good. Well, I just thought that after what happened at the church, you might not wanna be here.

Serena van der Woodsen: I keep trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't. It doesn't make any sense.
Blair Waldorf: Feelings never do. They get you all confused, then they drive you around for hours until they drop you right back to where you started.

Blair Waldorf: What do we have, Chuck?
Chuck Bass: Tonight. So shut up. And dance with me.

Blair Waldorf: Where did you find these people?
Dorota: Facebook. I joined few groups.

Blair Waldorf: He's totally unsuitable.
Serena van der Woodsen: Who?
Blair Waldorf: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!

Blair Waldorf: Of all the things, Nate, my mom, the girls at school - you wouldn't take this from me.
Blair Waldorf: Because if you do, I swear I will take you down.
Blair Waldorf: I'm not taking anything from you Blair, I was invited. And as for taking me down, I'd love to see you try.

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so glad they did this alphabetically, cause now I get to see the look on your face when I use your answer even sooner.
Blair Waldorf: I can tell you right now the look on my face will be a vindication.

Blair Waldorf: Serena can we talk?
Serena van der Woodsen: About what? How you tried to publicly humiliate me?
Blair Waldorf: You know about the dress?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah Laurel told me, she said it was an accident, clearly she doesn't know you.
Blair Waldorf: I'm sorry, I was hurt okay. You, you blew off our most beloved tradition.
Serena van der Woodsen: Just get over it Blair.
Blair Waldorf: Excuse me?
Serena van der Woodsen: My whole life I have been bending over backwards to protect your feelings and you know what? It's not my fault you're so insecure.
Blair Waldorf: And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited.
Serena van der Woodsen: I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god, can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
Serena van der Woodsen: It's just the truth. From now on, I'm gonna be who I am and if you can support that and not be threatened and competitive then great, if not...

Blair Waldorf: As his consort, I have to be able to hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can.

A hot lifeguard is like kleenex, use once and throw away!