Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.Large Man with Dead Body: Why?The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Read more Robin QuotesFrom: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types.King Arthur: What are you then?French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?French Soldier: Mind your own business.
Minstrel: Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis...Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.
Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?Peasant 1: Burn them.Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?Peasant 1: More witches.Peasant 2: Wood.Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?Peasant 1: Oh yeah.Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?Peasant 1: Bread.Peasant 2: Apples.Peasant 3: Very small rocks.Peasant 1: Cider.Peasant 2: Gravy.Peasant 3: Cherries.Peasant 1: Mud.Peasant 2: Churches.Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!King Arthur: A Duck.Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.Sir Bedevere: And therefore...Peasant 2: ...A witch!
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