Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.Large Man with Dead Body: Why?The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Read more Robin QuotesFrom: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
JESUS CHRIST!
King Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary!Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!Black Knight: No, it isn't.King Arthur: What's that, then?Black Knight: I've had worse.King Arthur: You liar!Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!
Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?Peasant 1: Burn them.Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?Peasant 1: More witches.Peasant 2: Wood.Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?Peasant 1: Oh yeah.Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?Peasant 1: Bread.Peasant 2: Apples.Peasant 3: Very small rocks.Peasant 1: Cider.Peasant 2: Gravy.Peasant 3: Cherries.Peasant 1: Mud.Peasant 2: Churches.Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!King Arthur: A Duck.Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.Sir Bedevere: And therefore...Peasant 2: ...A witch!