Hancock Quotes

Rail Crossing Crowd 2 : And I can smell that liquor on your breath!
John Hancock : 'Cause I been drinking, bitch!

I'm gonna teach you how to interface with the public.

Three guys in the car with no girls. Rave music. Hey, I'm not going to judge.

Will I get in trouble for that?

If you don't give yourselves up quietly, I swear to Christ, your head is going up the driver's ass, his head is going up your ass, and you drew the short stick, cause your head is going up my ass!

If Ray ever finds out about me, you're dead.

Call me an asshole one more time.

What? It's a little tight.

Oh stop crying, punk-ass.

You're gonna change the world. Good job, Ray.

I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better.

Hancock : The way you deal with bullies - you take your right foot, bring it right up and catch him in his little piss pump.
Mary Embrey : You don't have to do that, honey. Okay? Seriously.
Aaron Embrey : It's a good idea.
Hancock : You aim straight, make sure he can't use that thing for nothin' but a flap to keep the dust out of his butt crack.

Hancock : You broke my glasses.
Asian Gang Member : I'm sorry. Take my Ray Bans!

John Hancock : All of you people, blocking the intersection, you're all idiots.
Rail Crossing Crowd 1 : You're the one that threw the dude's car at her. And what's with the train?
Rail Crossing Crowd 2 : Why didn't you just go straight up in the air with the car? You've obviously injured that poor woman.
Rail Crossing Crowd 3 : She's right. She should sue you.
John Hancock : Okay. Well, you should sue McDonald's, 'cause they fucked you up.

Criminal : [ Damn. Handjob. Where you come from?
Hancock : All right, relax. Just - Just tell me what you need.
Criminal : Tell them cops to turn - Tell 'em to take their guns off me. Tell 'em to take the guns off of me.
Hancock : Just take them off, guys. Lower your weapons.
Criminal : You gonna get us out of here. With that tight-ass Wolverine outfit on. Now, let's make it happen, asshole.

Good job!

Gotta wonder, though. What kind of bastard must I have been, that nobody was there to claim me? I mean, I'm... I'm not the most charming guy in the world, so I've been told, but... nobody?

John Hancock : Good job! Do I have permission to touch your body?
Female Cop : Yes!
John Hancock : It's not sexual. Not that you're not an attractive woman. You're actually a very attractive woman and...
Female Cop : Get me the hell out of here!