Sam Witwicky Quotes

I'm cool with, you know, females working on my engine. I prefer it, actually.

Um yeah, Satan's Camaro? It's stalking me!

I'm not going to leave you!

Ironhide : You have a rodent infestation.
Sam Witwicky : A what?
Ironhide : Shall I terminate?
Sam Witwicky : No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.
Ironhide : He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!
Sam Witwicky : He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!
Ironhide : Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...

Judy Witwicky : Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
Ron Witwicky : Judy...
Sam Witwicky : Was I master... No, Mom!
Ron Witwicky : Zip it, okay?
Judy Witwicky : It's okay...
Sam Witwicky : No, I don't masturbate!
Ron Witwicky : That's not something for you to bring up.
Judy Witwicky : Okay.
Ron Witwicky : That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
Sam Witwicky : Father-son thing...
Judy Witwicky : I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...
Sam Witwicky : Happy time?
Judy Witwicky : ...my special alone time...
Ron Witwicky : Judy, stop!
Judy Witwicky : ...with myself.
Sam Witwicky : Mom, you can't come in and...
Judy Witwicky : I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.

Sam Witwicky : Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.
Sheriff : It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...
Sheriff : And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?
Sam Witwicky : No, I'm not on any drugs!
Sheriff : What's these?
Sheriff : Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?
Sam Witwicky : Those are my dog's pain pills.
Ron Witwicky : You know, a Chihauhua. A little...
Sheriff : What was that?
Sam Witwicky : Hmm?
Sheriff : You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?
Sheriff : Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.
Sam Witwicky : Are you on drugs?

Trent : You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?
Sam Witwicky : Oh, no, no, that... No. That, that wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.
Trent : Oh, yeah?
Sam Witwicky : Yeah!
Trent : Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?
Sam Witwicky : No, it's about the link between brain damage and football.
Sam Witwicky : No, it... it's a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's... a lot of fun.

Ron Witwicky : I've got a little surprise for you, son.
Sam Witwicky : No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Ron Witwicky : Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!
Sam Witwicky : You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime : Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!

Sam Witwicky : I don't know what you're talking about!
Barricade : ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?
Sam Witwicky : Yeah...
Barricade : Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?

Look, can you do me a favor-can you look out the window for a second? See my father? He's the guy in the green car? Let me tell you about a dream, a boy's dream, and a man's promise to that boy. He looked him in the eye and said "Son, I' gonna buy you a car, but I want you to bring me two-thousand dollars and three A's." OK, I got the two thousand and two A's. OK, here's the dream. Your B minus? Pfff! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself... What would Jesus do?

Okay, listen. You gotta listen to me! If my parents come out here and see you, they're going to freak. My mother's got a temper.

Feels good.

I was wondering if, if I could ride you home... I, I mean if I could give you a ride home!