Why do people have to love people anyway?
J.D. Sheldrake: Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?C.C. Baxter: No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.
Fran Kubelik: I never catch colds.C.C. Baxter: Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?Fran Kubelik: That makes me feel just terrible.C.C. Baxter: Why?Fran Kubelik: Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.C.C. Baxter: Yeah... it's me.
C.C. Baxter: Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake.J.D. Sheldrake: What do you mean, sorry?C.C. Baxter: You're not going to bring anybody to my apartment.J.D. Sheldrake: I'm not just bringing anybody; I'm bringing Miss Kubelik.C.C. Baxter: Especially not Miss Kubelik.J.D. Sheldrake: How's that again?C.C. Baxter: No key.J.D. Sheldrake: Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a very bright young man. Do you realize what you're doing? Not to me, but to yourself? Normally, it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor. But it only takes thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig?C.C. Baxter: I dig.J.D. Sheldrake: So what's it going to be?J.D. Sheldrake: Now you're being bright.C.C. Baxter: Thank you, sir.J.D. Sheldrake: Say, Baxter, you gave me the wrong key.C.C. Baxter: No, I didn't.J.D. Sheldrake: But this is the key to the executive washroom.C.C. Baxter: That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it because I'm all washed up around here.J.D. Sheldrake: What's gotten into you, Baxter?C.C. Baxter: Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a "mensch". You know what that means? A human being.J.D. Sheldrake: Now, hold on, Baxter...C.C. Baxter: Save it. The old payola won't work anymore. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake.