Larry David: Instead of going in and ordering a "Ted Danson" people go in ordering a "Larry David". What's the difference?Ted Danson: One tastes good, one sucks!
Read more Larry David QuotesFrom: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jeff Greene: Hey, do you want to have dinner tomorrow before the show?Larry David: Oh, I don't know...Cheryl: We've got plans.Larry David: We don't have plans, we just don't want to have dinner with you.Cheryl: Larry...
Leon Black: Well what kinda cum was it, first of all?Larry David: What do you mean, "What kinda cum?" Cum is cum.Leon Black: Cum is not cum, Larry.Larry David: Cum is cum.Leon Black: Well, it couldn't have been mine. You know why? Cuz I gets mines, Larry. I brings the ruckus to the ladies.
Larry David: Yeah. Yeah! Hey, hey, look at you, look at you!Bald Chef: Yeah, look at you!Larry David: When did you start losing it?Bald Chef: Uh, I started losing when I was fifteen.Larry David: Fifteen, wow, earlier than me, yeah.Bald Chef: Yeah, a little bit earlier. You know, I actually like it.Larry David: Ah. Yeah. Me too.Bald Chef: Just put a little sunscreen on, it's fine.Larry David: Yeah, a lot of sunscreen, right? Can't go outside without the sunscreen. No convertibles.Bald Chef: No convertibles!Larry David: Oh, God, I hate that!Bald Chef: Absolutely. Because you have to wear a hat, if you're going to be in a convertible, and then you look like you're trying to hide something.Larry David: Oh, well, that's what they do, these guys with the hats, don't they? They wear it all the time, and they'll meet a girl or something and then they'll show up on a date, what are they gonna do? They gonna take the hat off? They have a terrible decision to make...Bald Chef: Right, right, and then the girl's gonna be like, "I didn't know you were bald."Larry David: Yeah, yeah. "You misrepresented yourself!"Bald Chef: Exactly. "You're a liar!"Larry David: Minoxidil?Bald Chef: No. You?Larry David: No.Bald Chef: Every day for the rest of your life you have to...Larry David: Oh my God the drops and everything? I ain't gonna do that...Bald Chef: ...and then they gotta massage it in.Larry David: ...it's crazy, yeah. Ugh.Bald Chef: There's something psychologically going wrong with them...Larry David: Psychologically wrong with THEM? What about the transplant people?Bald Chef: Oh! I hate those people.Larry David: Toupee? Hmm?Bald Chef: No.Larry David: [skeptically] Huh?Bald Chef: Oh, no. Absolutely not!Larry David: Those guys, they should kill those guys.Bald Chef: Exactly.Larry David: I'm surprised Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.Bald Chef: Yeah?Larry David: I mean if I'm going to be a sick megalomaniac, to round up people who I hated, they would be on my list. I would say, "Get, get the toupee people."Bald Chef: Absolutely.Larry David: I'd have my henchmen going around, tugging at people's hair; if it comes off...Bald Chef:"BALDEN! Come with me!" Yeah.Larry David: "... ACH! Balden!"