How I Met Your Mother quotes

Ted Mosby: I used to believe in destiny, you know? I go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week, and I think: "Wow... Hey, maybe she's the one?" Now I think: "I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole wheat everything bagel."
Robin Scherbatsky: You've just been focused on work.Ted Mosby: No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks. What do I about that, Scherbatsky?
Robin Scherbatsky: You're Ted Mosby. You start believing again.
Ted Mosby: In what? Destiny?
Robin Scherbatsky: Chemistry. You got chemistry, you only need one other thing.
Ted Mosby: What's that?
Robin Scherbatsky: Timing. But timing's a bitch.

Ted Mosby

Ted Mosby: I just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.
Marshall Eriksen: Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so...
Ted Mosby: The drainpipe!
Marshall Eriksen: What?
Ted Mosby: No big deal, I can totally climb it. I'll call you when it's done.
Marshall Eriksen: Her door is unlock-

Ted Mosby

Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye before you get stab-stabbed.

Barney Stinson