How I Met Your Mother quotes

Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing here, vibrating jello pit right there, rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here... don't ask you're not ready.

Barney Stinson

Ted Mosby: I'd say you're not a real New Yorker until you've stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you do.
Lily Aldrin: No, you're not a New Yorker until you've cried on the subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks.
Marshall Eriksen: No, you're not a real New Yorker until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hand.
Narrator: And Robin would do all three of these before the day was out.

Ted Mosby

Ted Mosby: Well... it's awkward, I mean, the guy used to be my boss. So, I went to talk to the managing partner...
Brady: Fire him.
Ted Mosby: Well, sir, I was thinking he could just be put on a different project.
Ted Mosby: Fire him! He's an arrogant, washed-up, pain in the ass. In fact, fire everyone on that project. Druthers, Mosby, the whole lot of them.
Ted Mosby: Mosby, sir? I, I... I hear Mosby's doing some great work.
Brady: Fine, Mosby can stay. But tell him he's on thin ice. Come here.
Brady: I like you, Crosby.

Ted Mosby