Leonard Hofstadter Quotes

Leonard Hofstadter: You know I want to marry you, but you're only doing this because you got fired and you're feeling sorry for yourself.
Penny: Okay, it may look that way, but getting fired from that movie was the best thing that could ever happen to me, okay? I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
Leonard Hofstadter: Then what do you need?
Penny: You, you stupid Pop Tart!
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh. Then I guess I'm in.
Penny: Really? You guess you're in?
Leonard Hofstadter: Not like "I guess I'm in:" Like "I guess... I'm IN!"
Penny: Okay. Cool.
Leonard Hofstadter: So is that it? Are we engaged?

Amy Farrah Fowler: We won.
Penny Hofstadter: Congratulations!
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, my god!
Sheldon Cooper: We did it.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I know. Can you believe it?
Sheldon Cooper: That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming?
Sheldon Cooper: We won the Nobel Prize!

Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
Howard Wolowitz: Well, she lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
Sheldon Cooper: Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.

Howard Wolowitz: How can you work on something for a year and they just take it?
Leonard Hofstadter: I can't believe the Air Force would treat us like that.
Sheldon Cooper: You know, I have a good mind to stop paying my taxes. It's too bad I enjoy doing them so much.

Sheldon Cooper: I admire you, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter: Really? Why?
Sheldon Cooper: You're happy with who you are. You don't get jealous of other people. Instead of being weighed down by ambition, you just float along like a dead body in a river.
Leonard Hofstadter: I couldn't just take the compliment. I had to ask why.

Sheldon Cooper: Hey, if you want me to sleep, you're going to have to stop talking.

Sheldon Cooper: Leonard! Leonard!
Leonard Hofstadter: What?
Sheldon Cooper: You realize you and I could become brothers?
Leonard Hofstadter: We're not going to be brothers; we're not going to be step-brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon Cooper: I hope you're right, 'cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.
Leonard Hofstadter: Go to sleep.
Sheldon Cooper: OK.
Sheldon Cooper: You think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard Hofstadter: No.
Sheldon Cooper: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny Hofstadter: Your parents are old; anything unspeakable was finished by .9:30. Go to sleep.
Sheldon Cooper: Very well.
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry if this stuff is going to make the ceremony awkward.
Penny Hofstadter: Ah, I thought my brother fresh out of jail was going to make everyone uncomfortable, but now this...

Penny Hofstadter: [Sheldon holds up another card] Oh, that's a venn diagram. And I remember because I thought to myself: 'Venn is he going to stop talking about this diagram?'
Leonard Hofstadter: What are you guys doing?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, well, we decided to use our breakfast time to expand our respective knowledge bases.
Leonard Hofstadter: Hnh. Let me try.
Leonard Hofstadter: Atom of hydrogen; Adam of Maroon 5; mike drop.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, who is Mike Drop?

Penny Hofstadter: Helium.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
Sheldon Cooper: Taylor Swift.
Penny Hofstadter: Yes.
Penny Hofstadter: Pi.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
Sheldon Cooper: Kardashian.
Penny Hofstadter: More specific.
Sheldon Cooper: Khloé?
Penny Hofstadter: Yes!
Sheldon Cooper: Ah! See, I remember because if it looks like Kim, it's Kim; if it looks kinda like Kim, it's Kourtney; if it looks nothing like Kim, it's Khloé.

Leonard Hofstadter: When did we get a wall safe?
Sheldon Cooper: When there was no more room in the floor safe.
Leonard Hofstadter: When did we get a floor safe?
Sheldon Cooper: When we got the security camera!
Leonard Hofstadter: There's a security camera?
Sheldon Cooper: Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
Penny Hofstadter: Oh my God, we've done things on that couch.
Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

Penny, we are made of particles that existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms travelled 14 billion years through time and space to create us so that we could be together and make each other whole.

Leonard Hofstadter: OK, we're headed out. See you later.
Sheldon Cooper: I know. Before you leave, can you help me test these noise cancelling headphones?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, sure.
Sheldon Cooper: Go ahead.
Leonard Hofstadter: Hello, can you hear me?
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, I haven't changed the filter in the water pitcher in two years.
Penny: Uh, Bernadette's nickname for you is the Virgin Pina Colada.
Leonard Hofstadter: Your George Lucas autograph is really a me autograph.
Penny: Yeah, well, once I was too lazy to walk across the hall so I used your toothbrush.
Leonard Hofstadter: Ooh, and at one time when you were asleep Amy totally took off her-
Leonard Hofstadter: And that's why you're the best roommate ever.
Sheldon Cooper: Aaaaw. Now I'm sad I didn't hear it.

Leonard Hofstadter: All right.
Penny: What's wrong?
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not sure. Just feels a little anticlimactic.
Penny: Yeah, it kind of does, huh?
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, I know. This might help.
Penny: Where did you get a ring?
Leonard Hofstadter: I've... had it for a couple of years, not important.
Leonard Hofstadter: Penny, will you marry...
Penny: Oh, my God. Yes.
Leonard Hofstadter: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.

Penny: Yeah, I think so.

Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon! How could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
Sheldon Cooper: They were clever, Leonard: they exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.

Leonard Hofstadter: So, Amy, what's going on with your addiction study?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Sadly, I'm no longer associated with that project.
Leonard Hofstadter: Why? What happened?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Typical bureaucratic nonsense. You can get animals addicted to a harmful substance, you can dissect their brains, but you throw their own feces back at them, and suddenly you're unprofessional.
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry... that I asked.

Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, your food's getting cold.
Sheldon Cooper: I'll eat later. Right now I'm suckling at the informative bosom of Mother Physics.
Penny: Hot when Sheldon talks dirty.

Sheldon Cooper: How could you not find him?
Leonard Hofstadter: Because he's hard to find! If he was easy to find, the books would be called "There's Waldo!"

Amy Farrah Fowler: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter: What are you doing?
Amy Farrah Fowler: We're playing doctor... Star Trek style.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm in hell, Leonard.
Sheldon Cooper: Don't stop.

Sheldon Cooper: Quantum physics makes me so happy.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah? I'm glad.
Sheldon Cooper: It's like looking at the universe naked.

Sheldon Cooper: Quantum physics makes me so happy.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah? I'm glad.
Sheldon Cooper: It's like looking at the universe naked.

Sheldon Cooper: I'm so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!
Leonard Hofstadter: No, I didn't do it for the money.
Sheldon Cooper: She stiffed you?
Penny: I believe that's what your roommate did to her.
Sheldon Cooper: What?
Penny: Again, read the book we gave you!

Leonard Hofstadter: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon Cooper: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard Hofstadter: What does that have to with me and women?
Sheldon Cooper: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.

Sheldon Cooper: Yes?
Leonard: I'm Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment and you said to come by...
Sheldon Cooper: I know what I said. I know what you said. I know what my mother said on March 5, 1992. What is the sixth noble gas?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon Cooper: You said you were a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas?
Leonard: Radon?
Sheldon Cooper: Are you asking me or telling me?
Leonard: Telling you?
Leonard: Telling you.
Sheldon Cooper: All right. Next question. Kirk or Picard?
Leonard: That's tricky... Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
Sheldon Cooper: Correct. You have passed the first barrier to roommatehood. You may enter.

Sheldon Cooper: They took our TV, two laptops, four external hard-drives, our PS2, our PS3, our X-Box, our X-Box 360, our classic Nintendo, our Super Nintendo, our Nintendo 64 and our Wii.
Leonard Hofstadter: We like games.
Sheldon Cooper: Right, games. They took Halo 1, Halo 2, Halo 3, Call of Duty 1, Call of Duty 2, Call of Duty 3, Rock Band, Rock Band 2, Final Fantasy 1 through 9, The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Galaxy, Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics... and Ms. Pac-Man.
Officer Hackett: Assorted video games.

Penny: There! Looks fine, right?
Leonard Hofstadter: Mmm... butt print. There's not discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on.
Penny: There! Butt print.
Leonard Hofstadter: It's too small and too... perfect.
Penny: Thank you!

Penny: Hmm... Cute dresses. I bet this looks great on you.
Leonard Hofstadter: We're not living together.
Penny: Okay. Hmm... Scented candles, fuzzy slippers. Ooh, floral bed sheets.
Leonard Hofstadter: We're not living together!
Penny: Okay, moving on. Uh, who are these guys at Disney World?
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh... the big dog is Goofy. And... the older couple with the mouse ears, I have no idea.
Leonard Hofstadter: We're not living together!
Penny: You're gonna go down swinging, huh? All right. Well, we've got your body lotion, your "In Style" magazine, your jewelry box.
Leonard Hofstadter: We're not- where's my Bat-Signal?
Penny: You have a Bat-Signal?
Leonard Hofstadter: I did. It was right here. She must have...
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, my God. We're living together.
Penny: Really? What was your first clue?